Programming Lineup Changes at Hulu

The following shows and movies will be ADDED TO the Hulu streaming service this month:

• The Equalizer On The Stereo That Dad Keeps Telling You Not To Mess With

• Fatal Stunt Bloopers

• Saved By The Bell: Remote Learning Generation

• Moms Who Get Off Their Ass And Dance For Once

• Boring Woodworking Show Where No One Cuts Off An Arm

The following shows and movies will be REMOVED FROM the Hulu streaming service this month:

• The Step-By-Step Guide To Hacking Your Laptop To Get Free Hulu Forever

• CNN Town Hall with Psychopathic Racist Murderer Who's Running For Public Office

• PBS Anthropological Nudity

• The Married Bachelor

• Antarctica's Got Talent

Dear Hollywood:

Can we lay off of the neon movie posters for a while? My rods and cones are burning. And two of these are your doing, Taika Waititi!

More Dipshit Info Wars Conspiracies

If you watch Info Wars regularly–and if you do, God help you–you may discover that the garbage Alex Jones pukes out his hate hole doesn't change during the week. That's because an entire staff of writers are still busy cooking up next week's batch of irrational right-wing bullshit. But here now is an exclusive preview of next weeek's Info Wars talking points:

• Ted Nugent had recorded a song with Santana for his 1999 album "Supernatural" but was dropped because of his Christian and political beliefs. And two years later, 9/11 happened.

• Whenever someone uses the word "causeway," Bill Cosby receives a $5 royalty and rapes another white woman brought to him by attorney Gloria Allred.

• Words With Friends tracks the movements of Gentiles worldwide and adds them to a secret Jewish database on the planet XVIQXSH (36 points).

• Pigeons are liberal operatives who poop on Confederate statues to mark them for removal. Don'e believe me? Ask your science teacher!

• The children's game "Duck Duck Goose" was invented by Josef Stalin to perpetuate forced collectivism of the working class and to let them know "their place."

• Lesbians don't actually sleep. They simply charge their gay batteries by watching episodes of "Steven Universe."

An Open Letter To Generations Younger And Older Than Me

Dear Generations Younger And Older Than Me:

What is your problem? All you do is sit there, complaining about the values and behavior of my generation. You say that we're out of touch with your generation's needs and desires, that we can't understand your problems because we don't simply don't care.

Hey, look. We do care, but our generation's got our own problems to deal with, like having and raising kids, keeping down a good-paying job to pay for the mortgage, and trying to find some REAL music on the radio. All you ever do is sit in your bedroom, blaring your godawful music (who listens to that?!) and whining about when dinnertime is coming.

We recognize that there's this generational divide that we'll never get over. We will never understand your stupid pop culture references and your fixation with those movie stars whose names we've never heard of, and frankly, we don't think we're missing out on much.

And what the fuck are you wearing?! Jesus, you need to get to a mall and buy some normal clothes that actually fit you. Just look at how your pants fit. You're embarrassing the rest of the family! And make yourself useful and do the goddamned laundry!

Oh. Also, we don't think you should drive.

Love,
My Generation

This Week's Asshole

Spotted at a steak house in Jersey, some classy lady wears her fur coat to the salad bar, shedding mink (maybe dog) hair all over the cucumbers, lettuce and cherry tomatoes.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto With How To Organize A Protest

Decide on a time and location for your protest. This is probably the simplest step, but it does require a little thought and consideration on your part. If you're protesting a business or organization with just one location, then the choice is obvious. But if you're targeting a company with multiple locations in your area, try to pick one that has a lot of foot or car-traffic...after all, your goal is for as many people to see you as possible.

Once you have worked out the specifics of your protest, your next step will be to get the word out about your event. Make a flyer informing people about your demonstration. Be sure to include the date, time, and location of your event, as well as a brief narrative about why exactly you are protesting. You can hang these flyers around town and give one to anyone you meet who might be interested in attending your demonstration. There are a few occasions where you might need to get a permit. If you want to protest inside a shopping center or other "private property," you'll need to ask the owner beforehand. Also, if you are planning to use amplified sound equipment (like a bullhorn or a microphone) or if you expect more than 25 people, you should check with the city first.

Which reminds me, never pick up animal rights activists in your limo. They'll stink up the car with patchouli and some will even slash the seats if they're leather. I think one guy even left lice. Dirty people.