A Rilly Dum Onlyn Ad

From the Book of Dumbass: 24:7

Emily RANTS, or... Wait, What Was This Segment Called Again? Oh, Yeah. EMILY VENTS 4

Editor's Note: Emily has plenty of opportunity to be outraged about anything else going on in the world but has opted to continue picking apart Potbelly's Instagram feed, as is her absolute right. 

Jingle jingle, here comes the shittiest snowman you’ve ever seen, so no, I’ll pass.  The face is pants-on-head retarded including that wet piece of industrial brown paper towel featured as “backwoods learning disability hair.” #justfuckmyshitup 

“What if we were to style the soup so that it would simulate drinking pubes?”  “I got this, fam.” At least when you eventually put your wet earmuffs back on you won’t be able to hear any more terrible copy. 

This one continues to make me particularly angry.  Hey, here’s some wadded up paper bags with a cookie haphazardly glued on (not for human consumption).  Oh and hey – I included some coffee grounds in a filter because with this thoughtful gift, I’m clearly staying for breakfast.  You don’t even need to know what I look like.  #anon

Happy Valentines Day, from your favorite scissoring sandwiches. 

Oh cool, guys.  A 45-billion old dino patty.  Dry cracks and all.  Do you have a pamphlet in case I need more tiny pieces of skin hanging from the roof of my mouth?  Snicker-Don’t. 

5 second rule.

Met your true love with the Trash ‘n Coffee Grounds Bouquet?  Now join your life with your one and only with our Sweaty Outdoor Wedding Meat Bouquets.  Adult Nuptials Diaper not included. 

Shameless equity stealing from a polar opposite day of social cause.  #missingthepointentirely (thanks, Estoye)

And here is some Bonus Content for both of you E.V. readers: A profile of Potbelly's Social Media Director, Sharon Tubbs! (authored by Emily Kane)

Sharon Tubbs

VP, Social Media Content Specialist, Potbelly Corporation

Sharon joined the Potbelly team in 2014, brought on by the need to define a voice and visual style for Potbelly in the social media space that reflects core Potbelly values and is flexible enough to be continually topical to the Facebook community year round.  Her Potbelly content pillars New-New, Education, Food Personification, Current Events and Distinctive Styling have inspired messaging streams that have significantly increased engagement, affinity and acquisition measures since implemented.  Her “Bag Bouquet” post in February 2017 gained particular traction among the online audience, and she’s particularly well known for her social post verbiage puns which she implements with discretion as part of her Surprise & Delight messaging strategy.

Sharon came to Potbelly after 9 years with Dress Barn (Ascena Retail Group, Inc.), where she successfully launched the brand’s first website in 2006.  Prior to that, Sharon held the position as Innovation Design Director for Broderbund’s ClickArt division, expanding their portfolio of boxed DVD offerings via Holiday and Christian collections. Both launches increased HH penetration by way of broadened consumer relevancy.

On a more personal note, Sharon has a long-term seat on the board of directors for the Save the Manatee Club and has a running side project on etsy that offers more conservative bachelorette party products for sale.  Sharon works from home in Orlando, FL with her budgie “Chirps” and her two ferrets, “Randy” and “Simon.”  

New EADJ Segment: Emily VENTS

Here is a new segment we'd like to try out on the blog called "Emily VENTS." It mainly consists of Emily Kane's texts seething about stuff she doesn't like.

Editor's Note: Emily is unemployed so therefore has a lot of time to vent on different things that annoy or vex her. This week it's Potbelly Sandwiches' Instagram feed (??!!???!!??), where she takes issue with both image and copy:

#wherethefuckisthefoodstylist

I mean, that picture is garbage. And the copy. Terrible.

Look at the soup. Seriously. Why is there soup residue on the top inside of the cup? WHY.

And those mushrooms look like anus. It's making me visibly angry.

Brown bananas.

Let's eat some mushy, overripe bananas while reflecting on a corpse. #RIP.

Half eaten agency lunch.

Agency lunch- because all you deserve is a bunch of sad sandwiches in cardboard. You're that good.

Just terrible looking.

How about we finish each others... manicure.

Wtf.

That'll be the day when I never want to see a Buddy Holly hoagie again.

Let's top some gross pasta with nasty meat.

Taste buds aren't the only thing in store...

I just can't even. Look at that bacon tongue. #beeflips

Is it really football season if you aren't looking at some "curtains" coming out of a dry sandwich?

*football not to scale

The EADJ Fashion Round-Up

"E.R.F.D?" As in "Emergency Room Fire Department?" That is some serious shit right there.

Some people are so New York, they look like out-of-town tourists.

Hey, look, it's Yoshimitsu from Tekken 3!

Let's Fill the EADJ Mail Sack With Boiling Water And Make Some Noodles!

Submitted by Andrew:

Two Quotes

"Last night I had a dream that John Reid was gonna move to a new house, but he didn't want to leave his because the bar next door served him for free."

- Bill Dow






"It's awful. I dropped my ice pack. I got my wisdom teeth out... and that was more painful to see."

- Jessica, upon seeing the Goatse entry for the first time.