Some More Added Perks to an AMC Stubs Membership

AMC Stubs is the country's most successful theatre chain loyalty program. Why? Because its members enjoy an ever expanding array of perks and benefits. Here are the latest added membership rewards:

• Up to 4 free movies a week (Jesus Christ, who has the time for that many?)

• Free refills of beverages, popcorn, and synthetic motor oil for your car

• You will be able to hold your alcohol better once you're a member

• We will point the air conditioner vent directly your way on very hot days

• If your name is Joanne, we promise to never, ever call you Joan by accident

• Free 3D glasses that won't work with regular movies but will make them a lot dimmer

• Up to 3 free guest passes to anyone you bring along, even if it's obviously a prostitute

The ProofrEADJer: Early December Edition

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Some Available (But Terrible) Porn Actor Names

Welcome to the porn set! I hear it's your first time on camera, so I wanted to tell you to relax and just remember we can always stop rolling if you need to lube up or get a popper. Oh, also, before we get started, you might want to pick a porn name. There's a kaiser's helmet over there by the camera equipment full of unused porn names that you can pick for yourself. Keep in mind that they're a pretty terrible selection. Good luck!

Male

Barry D. Hatchett

Duck Duck Guzman

Dustin Foprints

Curtis E. Flush

Lou Hangin-Froot

Trey Bouchet

Gerry Atric

Willy Nilly

Mike Rowe Penis

Al G. Bloom

Female

Tess the Rainbow

Gladys Payday

Marge of Dimes

Perra Menopause

Jenny Say Quoi

Cyclospora Outbreak