Spotted on LinkedIn

Sure, let's ask about work-life balance to the trillionaire who works warehouse employees so hard that they're forced to piss in jars instead of taking breaks. 🙄

Here Are Your Job Numbers For April 10, 2025

From: accounting@company.net

Sent: April 10, 2025

To: ALL_Company

Subject: Updated job numbers for timesheets

Hello team!

Since our billing system went tits up last week, we've had to rebuild the job folders and have applied new job numbers to both tasks you have going and new ones for this week. Regardless of status, please use these new job numbers moving forward:

_______________

29771: Bitching about hybrid working

92104: Finding all your meeting invites in the SPAM folder

01186: Checking your balls for lumps in a meeting

64662: Checking your co-worker's breasts for lumps in a meeting

44057: Collating your elaborate Bachelorette Party invites that you printed on the company printer

34031: Gagging after smelling your own feet

62376: Surrendering to the bacchanal that is the Zoom call Happy Hour

Spotted on LinkedIn

 A person's profile pic frame "OPEN BUT PICKY".

Her attempt to appear willing to work but still have some discriminating tastes is overshadowed by the phrase "BUTTPICKY".

Happy Valentines Day from EADJ

Today we wish you the happiest of Valentines.

And if you don't have a Valentine, Joel himself will be yours!

🫶

A Chat From Work

An honest typo I made.

UAG

Okay, Here Are Your Timesheets For This Week

Hi gang-

As you all are painfully aware, Donovan quit last week. I do realize that it left the rest of us with pretty heavy workloads to make up for it, and I appreciate you all pitching in to help out.

That being said, the new assignments you took on have job numbers, meaning you have to fill in the appropriate hours so that we can bill the clients and get paid to run off to Vegas.

Please use these job numbers when filling out your timesheets (due at EOD TODAY!!!!):


83295 - Erasing "Brazzers" from your browser history

33023 - Telling Donna "what's up"

91662a - Finding the goddamned White Out

91662b - Explaining to others what White Out is

055409 - Farting in the break room so that the burnt microwave popcorn hides the smell

47478 - Conference call with 98º's manager re: reunion tour

73700 - Wondering why they still keep reams of ledger paper around

29174 - Saying 'hey' to the boss in the bathroom even though you know he's taking a shit

88835 - Ordering breadsticks

18434 - Linking In with the cleaning lady

73737 - Imagining a ninja coming in to slaughter everyone in your status meeting

62406 - Forgetting you hit "print" on a 245-page Powerpoint

21282 - Opening the dirty bathroom door with your foot like a pussy

24042 - Longing for Rita even though she's engaged

38565 - Standing back and admiring your giant Skeletor made of Post-Its

Chumming The Slopes With More "Avalanche Shark" Taglines

Yet more unwanted taglines for a movie whose time never came:

Cold, man. That's cold.

Special Hurricane Irene Post!

Since we are stuck at home due to the hurricane snarling all trains to NYC, let's review what we saw during Hurricane Irene news footage, shall we? No? Well, I'm doing it anyway. Fuck you guys.





Every channel had a Hurricane Irene logo for their newscast. Some were better than others.