Happy Independence Day from Eat a Dick Joel!

To all the Independent Women (and Men) Pt. 1, we at EADJ wish you a happy and safe July 4.

Fun random factoid:

In Destiny’s Child's 1999 song “Independent Women Pt. 1” for the Charlie’s Angels soundtrack, during the bridge, they’re actually singing the melody to Blondie’s “Rapture”. 

Bridge starts at 2:55

Happy New Year from Eat A Dick Joel

May your 2025 be like your 2024 but with less scabies, family fights in the parking lot of a Perkins Restaurant, and fewer probation denials!

Happy Halloween 2024 From Eat A Dick Joel!

Have fun! Don't overeat your candy, and drive carefully, because there are kids in the streets wearing dark colors with their vision impaired by masks with small eyeholes!

Happy July 4th From Eat A Dick Joel

We hope you enjoy your day off at a barbecue or a pool and perhaps get some sleep tonight although some asshole neighbors of yours will invariably keep setting off fireworks past 3am. Enjoy!

Happy Valentines Day from EADJ

Today we wish you the happiest of Valentines.

And if you don't have a Valentine, Joel himself will be yours!

🫶

Happy New Year from Eat A Dick Joel!

Do we have any New Year's resolutions? Sure. Here are a few:

• More awareness

• Being more in touch with ourselves

• Being more present in our own and others' lives

• Practicing humility and mindfulness

• Engaging more and promoting wellness

• Having more awareness of our mindfulness

• Showing gratitude for not having Pewter Bear around anymore

Fucking hell. We managed to be free of this pewter motherfucker for a literal DECADE and that glorious record has been ruined. Great way to start off the new year. Fucking fucking FUCK. God DAMMIT.

Merry Christmas 2023 from EADJ!

Another year. Another holiday season is upon us. 

Peace on earth, goodwill to men.

God bless us, every blog!

Happy Halloween From All of Us at EADJ

We hope you have a great time taking your smaller kids trick or treating at 2pm when it's still light out and another great time giving candy out to teenagers from one town over trick or treating without costumes at 1am.

Uh... Thanks, Blogger

Pictured above, I suddenly get notices for hundreds of past EADJ posts for possibly unacceptable content. I blame Supreme Court prude and busybody Amy Coney Barrett.

Happy New Year From Eat A Dick Joel

Congrats. You've made it to 2023 A.D.

Don't fuck it up.

EADJ Wishes You A Happy Halloween!

We at the offices of Eat A Dick Joel would like to wish you a spooky and safe Halloween today. Please look for traffic on both sides before crossing the street, and whatever you do, AVOID 158 OAK STREET. YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED 5 YEARS AGO AND YOU DON'T WANT YOUR STOMACH PUMPED LIKE THAT AGAIN. Be careful!

EADJ Fashion Round-Up

This person on the treadmill sounded like someone was giftwrapping trash bags in cellophane during a hailstorm.

This dude has so many pulls, straps, and twist-ties that he should stay at least a mile away from a corn thresher.

Even if the fishing hat doesn't match the bag or the Uggs, the fur fringe ties the whole thing together.

I swear I was psyched to spot Shrek.

Skims Lingerie is Not Just a Lingerie Company. It's an Outreach Program for Supermodels

Earlier this year Kim Kardashian launched an ad campaign for her Skims lingerie line, featuring a reunion of former Victoria's Secret models: Candace Swanepoel, Heidi Klum, Tyra Banks, and Alessandra Ambrosio. The former 'Angels' expressed gratitude and relief after being laid off in recent years by Victoria Secret in a new push to feature "regular-looking" models. The reality star with the giant ass said she hopes to make lingerie purchases based on unrealistic body images fashionable again.

Editor's full disclosure: I myself am fat.

Merry Christmas From EADJ

Happy Holidays! Eat a Dick Joel would like to wish you, your family, and your side piece a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa. It's time to stop worrying about what your co-worker said about your job performance or about what that guy on the highway said about your driving or about what the lady at the grocery store meant about you being a "pervert" and just enjoy this special time with your loved ones. Jeez, some people.

Temporarily Scary: EADJ Goes Dark

For a brief 30 minutes today, we were having technical difficulties creating new posts on Blogger. Only getting this message instead:

For a second there, I thought after 4,610 entries over a course of 16 years (!) that EADJ had finally hit a post limit.

But I tried a little bit later, and we're live again! So I guess this counts as an entry...

EADJ Just Wants To Say Hi

Hey there. No, don't get up– we weren't going to stay for long. Just wanted to drop in and say hello and make sure you're doing okay. No, you're not in trouble. There is no major formal reason why we're here. We just wanted to check that you were still enjoying this blog after 16 years of this. We know we've had some good enduring segments and others that either fell to the wayside or were just shitty to begin with LOL.

Yeah. But we're glad you still hanging around for some reason. You look great, btw.

Happy New Year From Eat A Dick Joel!

Gamepad Terrier is looking forward to a year where he can possibly maybe meet with friends again!

Charging Cord says good riddance to a miserable 2020.

Pastry Box has gotten sloppy drunk already. BRING ON 2021!1!!!

Merry Christmas 2020 From EADJ

From all of us at Eat A Dick Joel- from the editorial staff, the fact checkers, the proofrEADJers, the photographers, the science desk, the illustrators and cartoonists, the local correspondents, the city hall desk, the publishers, printers, paper suppliers, distributors, paper boys and classified desk- Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. We appreciate you for somehow continuing to read this publication.

Kristine Johnson, Found!

We hadn't heard from our favorite news anchor Kristine Johnson in years, so it was quite the surprise that we finally have an update on her. According to EADJ correspondents at Party City, KJ is now a sexy nun at the Church of the Rising Naughty Boner.

Check back here in another 5 years for the latest Kristine Johnson updates!

A Hiccup, Part II

 As surely and stupidly as it began, the clerical error over at Blogger has been corrected somehow and the four EADJ entries flagged for "malware" were reinstated.

Wheee!