A New Entry To A Very Old Bit

Pictured below, the Way Older, Bald, Mustachoed Version of Scott Peterson

Welcome, W.O.B.M.V.O.S.P.!

Yes, There Is A 2016 Update To The Shorter, Fatter Version Of Scott Peterson, Featuring the Original Cast

By the way, Disney now owns the reboot rights to T.S.F.V.O.S.P.

And second by the way, here is the "lightning in a bottle" that Todd was talking about, from an EADJ entry back in March 5, 2007.

Smecial Dreams Entry

I guess I published it.

The Meatier, Tastier Version Of Scott Peterson

It has come to our attention that Chicago is not only the home of Scott Peterson and the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson, but also Scott Petersen meat products. Why Chicago is home to so much Scott Peterson/Petersen action, we do not have the technology to know yet. I suspect it has something to do with the Chicago River and Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle."

From the website:

"If you’re from Chicago, then you know Scott Petersen. Prepared in small batches and following centuries-old methods, Scott Petersen smoked and polish sausages, deli meats and Chicago-style hot dogs are known as the flavor of the Windy City by loyal customers across the nation. Seasoned by hand with a unique spice blend, you know you are enjoying a true tradition after just one bite."

For fairness' sake, I decided to do similar write-ups for the other two Scott Petersons:

"If you’re from Chicago, then you know Scott Peterson. Often spotted in golf shirts and surrounded by obsolete Zip drives, Scott Peterson is known as a one true original of the Windy City by co-workers across the nation. Seasoned by hand with a unique spice blend, you know you are enjoying a true tradition after just one bite."

"If you work at 225 North Michigan Avenue and use the one elevator bank (and you're not Vince Soliven), then you may have at one time spotted the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson. Prepared in shorter, fatter batches and following centuries-old methods, the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson is also known as the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson by perplexed witnesses across 225 North Michigan Avenue and the surrounding offices around Administar Federal. Seasoned by Wood with a short, fat spice blend, you know you are catching a true tradition after just one glance."

Scott Petersen produces sausages, hot dogs, bologna, bacon, and lunchmeat.

Update: Administar Federal has an impressive website.

An Open Letter To The Real Scott Peterson

Hi Scott


How are you. I am fine. Just wanted you to know about a disturbing email I received this afternoon. It appears that there's someone online who is trying to use your good name to make a living as a still life photographer. Just thought you should know that they are trying to profit by impersonating you, Scott Peterson.

I do realize that you're a filmmaker, and although you work with cameras and have a good eye for shots, this probably isn't you. I suggest you lawyer up and take this "Wetter, Thirstier Version Of Scott Peterson" for everything he is. This is a big world, yet it's very, very unlikely that there are any other people by the unique name of Scott Peterson out there.

Love,

EADJ

The Thinner, Hipper, Douchier Version of Scott Peterson

Pictured left, Scott Peterson joins some shit band named "Foxy Shazam."

Yeah, that's really the name.

Let's Disregard All the Safety Labels on the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by Mel Kreilein, a Facebook update by Scott Peterson:


Apparently Scott Peterson was on the Mad Men site and created a new profile picture.


So, naturally we had to do this:

You Might Not Be Ready For This.

Just when we thought the matter had died down, and there was no more reason to ever report on it again, it happened: we came across a TALLER, YOUNGER VERSION OF SCOTT PETERSON.




Such a bombshell has rocked the scientific community, especially since the last spotting of the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson was as long ago as October 26, 2007 by Emilies Sander and Kane. Journals everywhere are scrambling to publish the findings. Curiously, however, Scott himself is unimpressed:

(via email) "There is a slight resemblance, however he seems to lack my outgoing personality."

Personality aside, this new discovery opens a whole slew of new possibilities. Is Scott not the end but merely a link in the ongoing evolution of his species? Or could it perversely actually BE the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson who's moved to New York with weight-loss, shoe lifts, and a few chemical peels? Such a notion is possible considering the abrupt end of SFVOSP spottings in Chicago.




It should again be noted here that Vince has NEVER seen the SFVOSP.

Let's Hogtie the EADJ Mail Sack To A Radiator in the Basement!

(submitted by Larry, some sage advice for Scott Peterson)

Theories Abound.

After seeing the Shorter AND EVEN FATTER Version of Scott Peterson from the other day, Michelle suggests the possibility of an inverse relationship between "fatter" and "version of Scott Peterson."

Summer Reading. Some Sweating.

You Can Do It!

(pictured above: The TV Guide group. Not pictured: Travis, David, Scott Peterson, a creative brief or a sense of direction.)

***SFVOSP. The Legend Lives On. But the Soul Still Burns.***

(the following entry was submitted by Christian Golden)

"The psychic distance is shortening. He just left elevator car No.15 in the lobby. He's looking most jaunty, affecting some Petersonian togs (a plaid short-sleeved shirt and some jeans). He was accompanied by a matronly, yet cheerful, looking woman. Perhaps they're off to assignation, perhaps just a coffee."

EDITOR'S NOTE: It does seem that the SFVOSP is always accompanied by a female. Just friends and lunch buddies? Or is he some kind of squat lothario? How does the real Scott Peterson feel about his fatterganger's escapades? This and more on the next Nancy Grace.

(pictured above, a superdeformed manga version of the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson)

***UPDATE*** Jessica Foster, who spotted him today, and Ryan Boblett, who spotted him 2 days ago, have been added to the definitive list at the bottom of this blog.

***DOUBLE UPDATE*** Emily Kane has also spotted him today. With a woman. Plus she heard his voice.

Words take flight through performance.

****READER CHALLENGE**** Ten bucks to whoever can recite this thing by memory.

Scott Petersonian Math

In a related story, sources close to Todd Crisman and Joe Nudelman (don't laugh) have revealed a secret plot to fatten up Scott Peterson. More details of this story will be shared as they become available.

MOTHERFUCKING PROOF!!!!!!!

Through the miracle of cell phone camera technology, Todd Crisman has provided video proof of the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson. Meanwhile, the Dow does a 180 and climbs 4000 points to reach an unprecedented 16,000. Horses start talking. Water becomes currency. JAG reruns become awesome.

The reaction has been overwhelming:

"OMG SFVOSP" - Joe Nudelman

"I'd somehow always imagined him taller and thinner." - Scott Peterson

"Dude, man, this is HUGE!!!" - Todd Crisman

"Omigod, I've never seen a shorter, fatter Scott Peterson in my life!" - Emily Sander

"I'm surprised the site didn't crash today. biggest news ever. This is a true milestone." - Andrew Gall

Who sharted?

Joel got punched at a country western bar Saturday night. A bouncer spotted Joel eating a fiberglass horse's dick that was mounted above the bar. Joel argued that it was just fiberglass, and he was just killing time while the bartender made his Daiquiri. The bouncer punched Joel a second time for spelling "Daiquiri" that way.

(pictured above, through the magic of computers, the real Scott Peterson examines two copywriter-drawn renditions of the short, fatter version of himself)