Coming Soon

A movie based on a TV show that's only showing in theaters.

The EADJ Fashion Roundup: Special Unintentional Star Trek Edition

The following are all examples of clothes that unintentionally looked like they were from Star Trek:

"Wrath of Khan" look from the movie "Suspiria":

"The Next Generation" look from the last administration (yuck):

And from across the pond:

The Original Series look from a nearby track (complete with tricorders):

Live long and prosper, accidental Trekkies!

UAG

Read My Dick, Joel New Taxes

SPECIAL WEATHER UPDATE:

Hurricane Dean started picking up more steam today, following several encounters which indicated a possible slowing down.

The towns of Decks, RH and Rozer, EM are still expected to be under watch from Hurricane Dean. The town of TVGui, DE, which has been hit several times in the past months, is also preparing for repeated assault.

Hurricane Dean's path has historically been wandering, going one way then seeming to second-guess itself and change its mind.

"Yeah, it's pretty baffling," said meteorologist Ryan Boblett of the National Weather Association, "You think Hurricane Dean wants to go one way, then when you prepare all day for it, Hurricane Dean comes at you at a completely different angle. Very frustrating."

More on Hurricane Dean's developments as it develops and blooms.

More entries from Brad Harvey's notebook!

The following are entries in Brad Harvey's notebook/journal. EADJ got their hands on it when Brad got up to take a dump in The Caribou Coffee on Michigan Ave. Employees reported later that he forgot to flush.

• New idea for reality show: film a bunch of people living together and generally just bitching about stupid shit. Tentative title: Remnants of the Coccyx

• Finish that ear of corn behind the futon

• What was the name of that guy who played B.A. Baracus in "The A Team?" Gotta go to the library and look it up...

• I should totally buy the domain http://http://.com! I could make like a hundred dollars!!

• Start using inverted parentheses, just to be different!

• Remember Wesley Snipes' words of advice about who to bet on next time I'm at the roulette table at The Grand Victoria Riverboat Casino on the scenic Fox River, just east of Route 31 in Elgin.

• Confront Ryan about those farting parties he keeps throwing in my cube. No, wait. That's ME! )Confront Ryan anyway(

• Return that pretty girl's neck brace. She probably needs it.

• Fried chicken and okra! That's the best!

• Ask doctor why pee is green and gravy-like lately

• Get LAID!!! )stop by ATM first(

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger, Shorter, Fatter

It has been a while since an update, but The Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson has once again been spotted. This ends weeks of debate over whether the SFVOSP had found another job, died, or never even existed.

Andrew encountered the illusive organism earlier this morning. Here is his account:

As I sauntered in around 9:30 this morning, I spotted the SFVSOP in his typical summer outfit: a long green button up shirt with a plaid pattern and his trademark baggy Tommy Hilfiger jeans. He also was wearing something that struck me as curious: socks with sandals. The question of why comes to mind. He was carrying some sort of breakfast meal (looked greasy) and a bottle of orange juice. As we entered the elevator, he was captivated by the Captivate screen. He commented to a colleague about the Pat Tillman incident. His undertone led me to believe he is a liberal SFVSOP. His voice is extremely high. Higher than Joel’s, even. Yet another piece of steadily mounting evidence that he’s a little “you know.” He departed on the usual 22nd floor and I headed on my way.

For breaking the dry spell, Andrew earns the coveted Gold Mollusk Award, only the second ever to be given out (the first recipient was Ryan Boblett. Remember him?)

(pictured above, Mr. Wood, No. 2 by Andrew Gall. Ink on Paper. From his private collection.)

Administar Wars, Episode 1

Andrew may be sick of it, but people continue to spot and report "Mister Wood," the alleged Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson.

Matt Webb captured this remarkable shot of Mister Wood this morning before work:


Ryan Boblett eagerly reported his sighting as well. Here is his write-up:
So I rode the elevator with the SFVOSP this morning. (matt webb is my witness. I think he got a pic too)

Here is what I learned:

- The man speaks with a nasty lisp. I'm not accusing him of being, "you know"...but he's not helping his case.

- Intrigued, I jumped off the elevator on 22 to follow him. He works at Adminastar Federal. I think they deal with Medicare.

http://www.adminastar.com/index.html

- He actually noticed me following him so he politely held the door for me. I pretended I was lost and he smiled.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSuper!
rb


Wow. Super big ups for Ryan for almost TRESPASSING for a little info. Ryan wins a Gold Mollusk award and a special notation on the list at the bottom of this page.

This is bordering on harassment.

Getting Famouser!

If ever there were a good time to be Joel, that time would be now.

Sony Music has asked Joel to write the liner notes for Fantasia Barrino's next album.

"The, ah, styre. And, ah, the humol which Joer uses in his writing has made him perfect candidate," said Sony's stereotypical Japanese and sometimes Chinese spokesman Takeshi Xiu, "We rike velly much Joer's writing in Wicked Wicked Games. Big Happy Fun Time Explosion!"

In addition to the Fantasia liner notes, Joel has also been asked to write a fax spam sheet and a sign for one of the broken copy machines.

"I'm thinking either 'COPIER DOWN' or 'OUT OF ORDER– PLEASE USE THE ONE ON THE 14TH FLOOR.'" said a clearly psyched Joel, on the assignment.

When asked about Joel's extracurricular activities of eating massive amounts of dick, Xiu had this to say:

"Why you think we hire him? We want our dick eated too!"

Then everyone at the press conference had a long, hearty laugh that froze when the credits started rolling.

(pictured above, will.i.am, apl.de.ap, Taboo, and Fergie say 'Fuck it.' And the inevitable fallout by the hipster crowd ensues)

Let's Juggle and Squeeze the Two Rounded Bottoms of the EADJ Mail Sack!

(submitted by Ryan B)

"Joel should hang his mouth on it."

TheRightSideofRyan'sFace-a-Palooza!

(pictured above, the right side of Ryan's face working on godawful TV Guide crap and the right side of Ryan's face making fun of Ranee having to work on godawful Dex crap)

***SFVOSP. The Legend Lives On. But the Soul Still Burns.***

(the following entry was submitted by Christian Golden)

"The psychic distance is shortening. He just left elevator car No.15 in the lobby. He's looking most jaunty, affecting some Petersonian togs (a plaid short-sleeved shirt and some jeans). He was accompanied by a matronly, yet cheerful, looking woman. Perhaps they're off to assignation, perhaps just a coffee."

EDITOR'S NOTE: It does seem that the SFVOSP is always accompanied by a female. Just friends and lunch buddies? Or is he some kind of squat lothario? How does the real Scott Peterson feel about his fatterganger's escapades? This and more on the next Nancy Grace.

(pictured above, a superdeformed manga version of the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson)

***UPDATE*** Jessica Foster, who spotted him today, and Ryan Boblett, who spotted him 2 days ago, have been added to the definitive list at the bottom of this blog.

***DOUBLE UPDATE*** Emily Kane has also spotted him today. With a woman. Plus she heard his voice.

Another Threading the Needle aborted.

Ryan almost steps up, but an obstacle way more formidable than a table is in place.

Eat 'Em and Weep.

Oh, Joel. You vex us, you inspire us, you frustrate us with your boundless dick eating. How can budding dick eaters hope to reach the heights (and lengths) that you have devoured in your 35 years on this earth?

"Baby steps," you always say with a sage nod, "Baby steps."

So to all you Joel wannabes: you'll want to start off slowly. Replace your regular side dish (mashed potatoes or greens) with dick. Then slowly work your way so that dick becomes the bigger portion of your meal. This transition from side dick to main dick usually takes 3 weeks. Joel made a chart for all you beginners, but he got it ruined at Kinko's when he tried to get it laminated.

(pictured above, Ryan finds a suitable Noel substitute.)