The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Maybe I'll Come Home In The Spring

Maybe we'll review this crappy movie. Maybe it will take a long time to describe how bad it was. Maybe the combined starpower of Kung Fu and The Flying Nun wasn't enough to save this glowing turd. Maybe the editor overused flashbacks. Maybe this movie didn't really say anything profound about counterculture and just throw hippies in there because it was topical then. Maybe we'll stop all this "maybe" joke horseshit and get on with it.










A transcript of the breakfast scene, verbatim:

Sister: Wow. You look like you've lost 20 lbs.

Sally Field: No, I don't think I've lost that much.

Sister: Well, you still look great.

Sally Field: Thanks...you sure filled out.

Sister: Yeah, I guess so. Well, I'll tell you one thing– I sure feel stuck with this bra. See you got the right idea– who needs it?

Mom: Don't start that again.

Sister: I'm not.

Mom: Her idea of being attractive is going around, bouncing up and down like a cow.

Sister: That's not my idea of being attractive.

Dad: Ladies, please.













Verbatim dialogue of Exterminator 1:

Exterminator 1: I don't understand the world anymore. I mean, I used to understand the world, but I don't anymore. I can't understand a world where people just come up and steal exterminator trucks. I...I don't understand it. I'm going home. I'm going home.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This performance is so incredibly awesome, we are going to do the best we can to rip and post this scene for you soon.

Verbatim flashback voiceover during this scene:

Young Sally Field: Mommy, why don't you and Daddy sleep together anymore at night?

Mom: We do, baby.

Young Sally Field: But you have two beds now when you only had one before. And the one you had before was pretty.
























Maybe reviewing MICHITS was a total waste of time. Maybe we could have spent our time more wisely, like balancing our checkbook or organizing our expense receipts. Maybe it really was all worth it to watch that excellent "Exterminator 1" scene. Yeah, probably.

Clarification Corner

Get it right!


Get it right, people!

Tava Smiley is the 80 lb. host of TLC's Clean Sweep, where she jumps around in non-heavy-labor-appropriate outfits and enthusiastically tells doughy couples she would never speak to in real life to throw their shit out. Tavis Smiley is the former host of The Tavis Smiley Show on NPR, and currently hosts Tavis Smiley on PBS, where he gives rambling, inarticulate interviews while wearing ill-fitting suits.



Get it right!

Born and raised in Missouri, Tava Smiley earned a degree in communications at the University of Missouri. Tavis Smiley attended Indiana University and received his bachelor's degree in law and public policy in 1986.



Get it right!

Tava Smiley has been in crappy shows like General Hospital, Nash Bridges, and Walker, Texas Ranger. The only crappy show Tavis Smiley has appeared on is the Moesha spinoff The Parkers, aka Mo'Nique on UPN (this is not a racist joke. Go ahead and doublecheck that shit on imdb.com).

Get it right!

I would happily bang both of them. How about you, Pewter Bear?


Shut the fuck up already, Pewter Bear. Your opinions, hell, your whole life, is worth shit, alright? Die a slow and miserable death, you insufferable smegma. What were we talking about, again?