More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

So you've arrived at the San Fernando Valley and want to get into the porn business. But your name is Robert George Ackerman III?! No, son. You need a catchy porn name. One that hasn't been claimed already. Here are some that are available for you (and your girlfriend) because they're so awful no one wants them:


HER:

Aspiri Nactress
Concertina Wire
Lexus Dealer Today
Whyeye Otta
Lesbia Lickaphiia
Anneghan Offigan
Heidi Tighty and Lefty Lucy
Facetious Comment
Kay Sadiya


HIM:

Fortnite Minecraft
Scam Likely
Otto Zone
Swole Buttman
Jack King Hoff
Zazzle Knutts
Hannibal Pecker
Papi Bagel

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of March 20

Pretend for a second you don't know what Twitter is. God, that felt good, didn't it? Well, you do know what it is, and here are the latest underused hashtags that you can use in your stupid feed, ya idiot:

#WWEjeggings

#bullieswithbigdicks

#RAV4pussymagnet

#spanglishandbedazzlers

#DCcinematicuniverse4life

#abstractconceptualsnowman

#blamingISISforyourviralinfection

#punchandjudyteachesdomesticabuse

#shootingthemiddlefingeratactressDameJudiDench

#dontevenactlikeyouhaventseenthenewSingersewingpatterns

UAG

Smecial Dreams Entry

I guess I published it.

The EADJ Crappinema Presents The Casino Job

Let me start off by warning you that this review might be a wee tad shorter than other Crappinema write-ups, mainly because the DVD to this movie had been damaged after being tossed about in the K-Mart cutout bin. The disc caused the movie to crash and skip entire key scenes throughout its viewing. And no, one of those "DVD Scratch Repair Kits" wouldn't help, either.

"The Casino Job" is the story of four attractive women Jennifer, Amber, Paradise and Torri (and their boyfriends) who pull off a huge heist in a Vegas casino using only the power of their boobs and their feminine wiles. Which includes boobs. Witty dialogue? No. Magnificent scenic vistas? Nope. Boobs? HEY, BUDDY, YOU'RE IN LUCK!!!!

The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

Her: Shit! That's a waste of two days.

Him: He's out. No pun intended.

Him: So what do you got going on for the next 12 hours?

Her: Why?

Him: Cuz, I think maybe you could come over for a little while.

Her: And do what?

Him: Well, I was just… you could just…

Her: How about… twenty minutes of foreplay, followed by some hard sweaty fucking… I'll start by getting down on my knees and taking off your pants…

H

im: (removing his sunglasses) Shut up. Just shut up.

(She looks confused)

Him: You had me at hard sweaty fucking.

(they kiss stupidly)

Well, shit. This was a formatting nightmare.

Overall grade: F

Still, tits.