What The Shit

I got this random text from a Peter. And I kind of want to see the print options now.

Yet Another Candidate Falls Short

Earlier today, another submission was brought to our attention in the hope that it could be included in the vaunted "Blackberry Exhibit." Unfortunately, it is just another failed attempt to piggyback on the artistic glory of a modern masterpiece.

Here's a breakdown of the submission– who we've dubbed "Trevor"– and why it ultimately did not qualify:

1) Trevor is indeed on a handheld device, thus satisfying the first requirement.

2) Upon closer inspection, however, it does appear that Trevor's facial expression is not the standard "sturgeon face" but instead small pursed "duck lips."

3) Although thematically aligned with the subject matter and despite its obvious addition to demographic diversity, Trevor is the latest in a long string of rejections. The celebrated octych remains.

"The Blackberry Face: A Season Of Delights" will be on display soon at the main pavilion in Norway's Lillehammer Art Museum starting July 15. Admission for members is 25 krone, general public 60 krone. Children under 10 are not permitted to come within 30 meters of the art piece as it is priceless. Armed guards will tranquilize any violators on sight.

:C

Hey, T-Mobile Girl,

Please stop. You're nothing more than a poor imitation of the famous and award-winning "Mac Vs. PC" ad campaign that Apple ran for, like, years.


What, you say that Apple campaign has ended, so it's fair game now? Do you think the public actually has that short a memory? That's pretty insulting. Oh, you say that you're actually a riff- an homage- to the "Mac Vs. PC" campaign, turning it on its ear to parody your service's superiority to AT&T's? Maybe. But if so, you're 1. Not being very clever with the parody 2. Replacing two talented comic actors with yourself and a male model who isn't even remotely interesting 3. Broccoli with beef on rice (asterisk denotes spicy)


T-Mobile Girl, I'm not blaming you for this advertising fiasco. I'm sure you're a nice person, and you seem to deliver your lines with skill, so I'm not going to pick on you. I just find it cynical that someone plopped a pretty girl in a pink dress without any irony or purpose.


After a minor bit of Googling, I've learned this actress is named Carly Foulkes and she's also a bikini model.


Never mind, Carly. Carry on!

Proof I'm Going To Die In A Cab

A Reunion

Pictured below, Andrew and Vince, together again. Sort of.

Spotted In South Carolina

Something you typically see in South Carolina:

Probably Not Going To Be a Second Date

Spotted at a romantic fondue place in Atlantic City, some dude checks on the Cardinals score and blows any chance for second base. See what I did there?

The Difference Between A Still Shot and A Video

Shot at the Maplewood train station, a tranquil composition of light, texture, and stillness:


Now, when you shoot the same thing on video, you capture snowfall movement but also the unending blabbing of some Russian woman on her cell phone:


Shut up. Shut UP. Shut up! SHUT UP!!!!

An IM Convo With Andrew

Yes, Virginia, Dorks Can Be Tools, Too

Committed To Her Art

Spotted in Brazil, a samba singer really gets into the music. Swept away, really.

BFFS 4EVS!

Tom and I were having lunch at this Mexican place in the Greenwich Village area, when we spotted this fantastic foursome:


None of these girls were talking to each other, but ALL FOUR OF THEM were texting on their phones. The only time they'd put their phones down was to reach for tortilla chips. Then moments later, they'd go back to their phones.


I was slick and took photos of them through the mirrored wall. (That's Tom's arm.) Like, who were they talking to? People they would rather be with? Were they responding to an online poll about which of them is "the Carrie?"


I guess their one saving grace is that none of them seemed offended by the others being rude with their phone the whole meal. Shit, I'd be surprised if any of them remembered having this meal at all. "This was fun. Hey, let's do this again real soon, okay."

EADJ Science: The 3 Laws of Conveniencedynamics

Here at the EADJ Institute we are always striving to better society by publishing new findings in the field of science or dick eating. Recently we've uncovered a new scientific principle that helps describe one of the least understood forces in the universe: convenience.

The First Law of Conveniencedynamics

"Convenience can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only change forms."


In any closed system, the total amount of convenience is the same. For example, in Fig. 1.1, the person NOT pushing the revolving door because her fat ass is too busy drinking a grande mochalatte is creating more work for the person behind her, who must push twice as hard. The added convenience of enjoying a rich chocolate iced coffee drink with whipped cream while going to work has made it less convenient for the next commuter. The First Law can be expressed thusly:


The Second Law of Conveniencedynamics

"The total entropy, or disorder, of any isolated convenience system tends to increase over time, approaching a maximum value."



This Second Law states that in any closed system of convenience, the total amount of disorder tends to increase over time. For example, a woman (Fig. 1.2) walking down a subway walkway while reading "He's Just Not That Into You" is creating more and more likelihood of people dodging her and walking around her, creating more of a pigfuck in the tunnel when you're just trying to get past. Its mathematical equivalent:

(You may also notice that the woman created so much disorder in the tunnel that a man steps in dogshit.)

The Third Law of Conveniencedynamics

"Convenience can never reach absolute zero."

Whether you're blocking a walkway AND access to an ATM (Fig. 1.3), blocking a thru-way at a salad bar(Fig. 1.4), or just being a turdbag in front of your friends (Fig. 1.5), the convenience you get from texting is never zero; you do get some sort of convenience– however minimal– from reading your buddy's message saying "HEY WUT U DOIN LOL?".




This Third Law has the simplest formula:

Today, John Reid Owns the EADJ Mail Sack.

Submitted by his new cell phone: f



And also,



"I must find him. And kill him. There can be only one," John writes.

So just to clarify, there are two John Reids. One who teaches classical and jazz guitar, and one who takes photos of his poop.

The Shorter Fatter Longest Running Schtick on EADJ

Submitted by Matt Spett:
Larry and I saw Scott Peterson look-alike in the elevator about a half-hour ago. I tried to capture the moment but it didn't work out so well. Just want it to be documented on EADJ.

Submitted by Larry Liss, who's been reading way too much WWTDD:
And by "couldn't capture the moment" he means "completely inept at working the camera function on his cell phone."

Blargity blobbity Matt joins the list blabbity bloobity bottom of this page bloggity blerm.

MOTHERFUCKING PROOF!!!!!!!

Through the miracle of cell phone camera technology, Todd Crisman has provided video proof of the Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson. Meanwhile, the Dow does a 180 and climbs 4000 points to reach an unprecedented 16,000. Horses start talking. Water becomes currency. JAG reruns become awesome.

The reaction has been overwhelming:

"OMG SFVOSP" - Joe Nudelman

"I'd somehow always imagined him taller and thinner." - Scott Peterson

"Dude, man, this is HUGE!!!" - Todd Crisman

"Omigod, I've never seen a shorter, fatter Scott Peterson in my life!" - Emily Sander

"I'm surprised the site didn't crash today. biggest news ever. This is a true milestone." - Andrew Gall