UAG

Two Pathmarks Diverged in a Yellow Wood, And Sorry I Could Not Travel Both

Let's give the EADJ Mail Sack psychological problems by fighting with our spouse in front of it!

*****SILVER SPOON UPDATE*****

The following email was forward by Jessica Foster:

-----Original Message-----
From: "Matt Webb"

Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2007 10:26:14
To:"#CHI_ALL" <#CHI_ALL@C-K.com>
Subject: Re: ALERT! MISSING SPOON


I would like to thank all of C-K for your deep concern over my missing spoon. I have had a massive response of people interested in the plight of my spoon over the past week. My spoon was indeed returned safely to me at 04:00 PM on Thursday, October 04, 2007.

Thank You
Matt

More-us About Doris

Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. F.

The Dangers of Being a Fanboy.

Pretty much everyone who knows Larry knows of his band, Supra Genius.

And those who receive Larry's Supra Genius emails know that they have a myspace site, where you can check out their excellent songs, shirtless-on-a-hay-wagon promo photos and latest news and whatnot:

Supra Genius on myspace

So the thing is, someone in the band responsible for putting them on myspace (Larry won't say who) got all "friend request" crazy when the spam hookers came calling— he said "YES!" and let such dubious individuals as "DaNIeLLEmaBeLLe," "[NaTaLiA]," and "AnGeLgRaCE" into their circle of friends. So now when someone legit (aka ME) became friends with Supra Genius, the spam hookers latched onto my profile and have infected my inbox like a case of digital herp-herps:



So I say to you Amber Lynn, oOoJENNAoOo, ♥ CrAzY/BeAuTiFuL♥, PaTTYCakeZ, JoannaBanana, I R MEGSTAH, GRkGRL,...MiMi...♥, [vividAlt.], Tushiba, (:dRAMMAKwEEEEEn*:), BETHANY T**TSm and Matt Webb, STOP SPAMMING ME, YOU SLUTS!!!!!! Thank you.

Let's open the folds of the EADJ Mail Sack, exposing the bell-like object at the top of the opening!

The following email was forwarded by Jessica Foster:

------ Forwarded Message
From: Matt Webb
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2007 13:39:10 -0500
To: #CHI_ALL <#CHI_ALL@C-K.com>
Conversation: ALERT! MISSING SPOON
Subject: ALERT! MISSING SPOON

If you took a real stainless spoon out of the dishwasher in Café Kriv, its mine. Please return it. It came from my home. And the set of silverware that was originally a wedding present for my parents in 1965.

Thank You

mw

------ End of Forwarded Message

Hecka-Breaking News!

In some sort of cosmic synchronicity, two separate doppelganger spottings have been reported today.

Flicklicker saw "a less brown, less confused looking, more fauxhawked version of Vince in the Michigan Plaza lobby" and reported it to EADJ authorities.

Then Matt Webb chimed in after coming across our original Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson:

"Just had a sfvosp sighting... Jeans, green striped shirt and MANDLES, oh with socks."

Stay tuned for the latest in these developing stories. We now return you to "She Spies" on TNT, already in progress.

(pictured above, the best rendition of the SFVOSP that I could make, given that I had no drawing tools or scanner handy and was in the middle of eating a chicken caesar salad)

*****HECKA-BREAKING UPDATE:******

Andrew has reported a third doppelganger at Cramer-Krasselt: "we have a shorter, younger, darker-haired, just-as-friendly Phil Flickinger working as an intern. We just went to lunch with him."

Summer Reading. Some Sweating.

Let's rest our chin on the space between the opening of the EADJ Mail Sack and the other, smaller opening!

(Submitted below, a composite sketch of the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson, built by Matt Webb, who last spotted it on May 21.)

Unfortunate Logo of the Month

There's not exactly a plethora of vaj in a blog named "Eat a Dick, Joel," so it's always refreshing to find a nice slit or tomahawk wound when it wanders through our doors. But what's disturbing about this unfortunate logo is that the cooter looks propped open with chopsticks.

But maybe that's just the dirty minds of the EADJ editing staff. What did other people in the office have to say?

A "G" is born. -Larry

Cool but meaningless and dated. 2001 -Matt Webb

Someone really needs a trim down there. -Michelle Litos, who probably has used her ginormous box of Brazilian wax by now (see all of the May 3 entries)

Is this the e-vite for Boblett and Brad's going away party???? -Lauren F

Those 3 horizontal rectangular shapes might look nice Feeling like those arc shapes, top one going up, bottom One going down, and the center one emulating the center Shape (with the "G") but rotate 90 degrees and 1/4 as fat. Move the 2 dots around the "THE" and replace the arrows. - The always professional Andrea Park

Educational material for men of all ages. Prodding sticks, not included. - Nikki Baker, whose train keeps rollin'

A yonic logo to match a high class bar, unlike Cans. -J'Net

And what do you think of the logo, Pewter Bear?


Fuck off, Pewter Bear. You don't know shit.

Administar Wars, Episode 1

Andrew may be sick of it, but people continue to spot and report "Mister Wood," the alleged Shorter, Fatter Version of Scott Peterson.

Matt Webb captured this remarkable shot of Mister Wood this morning before work:


Ryan Boblett eagerly reported his sighting as well. Here is his write-up:
So I rode the elevator with the SFVOSP this morning. (matt webb is my witness. I think he got a pic too)

Here is what I learned:

- The man speaks with a nasty lisp. I'm not accusing him of being, "you know"...but he's not helping his case.

- Intrigued, I jumped off the elevator on 22 to follow him. He works at Adminastar Federal. I think they deal with Medicare.

http://www.adminastar.com/index.html

- He actually noticed me following him so he politely held the door for me. I pretended I was lost and he smiled.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSuper!
rb


Wow. Super big ups for Ryan for almost TRESPASSING for a little info. Ryan wins a Gold Mollusk award and a special notation on the list at the bottom of this page.

This is bordering on harassment.

Eat 'em and Leave 'em

(pictured above, Suz turns Matt into a spider roll)

F.

(pictured above, Matt Webb finds out he doesn't have a Starbucks job to fall back on)