The EADJ Fashion Roundup: 2019 Winter Collection

Athletic wear + skort = modern Highlander

Submitted by Tom Weingard: 2,900 miles away from Haight Ashbury

I came across these two gentlemen taking a break after heckling from a balcony on the Muppet Show.

These people have found God but their pants both have skeptical expressions.

Superdad lets his 2 year old dress him (or is that Macklemore?).

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Love is in the air.

The ProofrEADJer: Beginning of April Edition

Another Unsolicited Google Photo-Thingy

A few months ago, Google saw fit to add some gimmicky bonus bullshit to a perfectly mediocre EADJ entry. Today, we received another alert that Google did this unasked-for shit again:

See that "Mix" button? If you click it, NOTHING HAPPENS. That's because all the photos of Vince's Uncle Roberto are ALL IDENTICAL. So there's no animation to make, Google geniuses. Here, check it out for yourself.

Which Can, Erickson? Supreme Court Edition

Match the following toilets (with accompanying Supreme Court Justices) to their respective locations. The background, political leanings and ethnic background of the justices are not relevant to the answers.

1. Essex County Courthouse, Newark, NJ

2. Hidden Hand Tattoo, Fremont, WA

3. The Please Touch Museum, Philadelphia

4. The Berghoff, Chicago

5. Sushi Roku, Los Angeles

6. Props For Today, New York

Full answers tomorrow.

Aww, Hell No: Some Ill-Advised Hip Hop Covers

Promo card for G Stack and Deev Da Greed Presents Abraham Reekin', Vol. IV

So many questions. Why is Lincoln sitting on a cheesy overstuffed leather sofa from my cousin's studio apartment. Why the FDR-style cigarette blunt holder. How is "Reekin'" even remotely close to "Lincoln." I'd report this to the EADJ Pun Cops, but I don't think this even qualifies as a play on words. And do rappers' heroes always end up getting shot?



Plain, Pull My Finger

Combining fart humor with imagery from the L.A. riots of '92, Plain makes a statement both scatological and sociopolitical. Or not. Track 12 on this CD: "Restless Leg Syndrome" ft. T Nutty. It sounds as terrible as it sounds.


Big Kuntry King, My Turn To Eat

(CD cover courtesy of Andrew Gall)
Now, I do understand where this cover came from. The guy calls himself BK King or something, and two seconds later, you have a concept for the album art. But instead of going straight to shooting it, they should have asked, is this stupid? Some soul searching would have found a "yes."


L-Solo, I Am The Shit

Sigh. And I had that we had come so far since Millie Jackson:




Feuchte Traume, Frauenarzt
"Frauenarzt?!" Is that the name of the album or the sound that came out of her ass? Mein Gott!

Best Ad Ever. Of the Week.

Plan to be spontaneous. Pencil a little time in your sked for some R&R. Create a slot in your Microsoft Outlook to let loose. You are a left-brained asshole who will pump your fist at a predetermined allotted time. Fuck you, Trevor.

Dick with a Side Order of Joel

FREE CAR WASH!

That was the latest ploy by our hero Joel to get more dick eaten in a day. He decided, why not just find where there's a lot of dick, and reroute it to his mouth?

So he decided on Wilshire West, a popular car wash on West Wilshire Blvd. There's a line of cars snaking out to Wilshire Blvd at all hours. Lots of men of different ethnic backgrounds standing around waiting. So many choices— it's like a dick pu-pu platter!

So Joel put on his tightest jean shorts, a mesh "NO FEAR" tank top, and his favorite pair of Oakleys and put up a sign at a parking lot across the street from Wilshire West that said FREE CARWASH HERE!!!!

Within minutes, the entire lane of cars had moved over to get serviced by Joel. Joel was ecstatic! But what he hadn't thought out was how to wash cars AND eat dick at the same time. Most patrons were more concerned about the bird pu-pu on their windshield than having their dick eaten by a 38-year old in jean shorts.

So Joel ended up spending 16 hours washing dudes' cars for free. He only ate 3 dicks out of the deal, too. So much for that hare-brained scheme.

(pictured above, an un-enhanced scan of a local eatery's menu, specializing in ostrich burgers and disturbing smoothies.)

Squeaking Out a Late Entry

Yeah I can't believe I didn't see this one before, either.

THE BIG BANG THEORY

The Players: Dorktastic skinny bug-eyed dude, Amanda-Bynes-type blondie, and helladork with unforgivably bad hair.

'Who Farted' Factor: 10 out of 10. Skinny dude is totally appalled at ass being dropped behind him. Helladork is about to call blondie out, but she doesn't even start to protest. "Yeah, that's right, bitches. I farted." Was a 9 out of 10 until I realized the goddamned TITLE.

Most Likely Fart Suspect: Blondie! Yay, equal rights!

My new favorite supermarket.

To those of you not from New York (and how I pity you if you aren't!), there is a chain of supermarkets called Pathmark which, I gotta tell you, is the biggity BOMB, y'all.


Just one glance at the outside gives passers-by a hint of the delightful selections they vend within. Let's look inside! And while we're in there, let's play "What Doesn't Belong In This Picture?"

1.


2.


3.


4.


5.


(Answers will be revealed next week. The highest scorer wins a jar-full of googly eyes and a signed copy of The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne)

*****Superbreaking NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!*****

EADJ has just acquired what is reportedly a new "Summer-themed" tabletent from Corner Bakery. Editors have confirmed the existence of a new, badly-written manifesto on the side, although its contents have not been examined or shared yet with the public. EADJ will be shooting the next round of dramatic readings of this new tabletent once its authenticity can be confirmed.

Inserting just the Wedding Tip

Jessica doing what she does best, with a special guest.

Scott Petersonian Math

In a related story, sources close to Todd Crisman and Joe Nudelman (don't laugh) have revealed a secret plot to fatten up Scott Peterson. More details of this story will be shared as they become available.