Temu Throwing Everything At The Wall

Fuck an algorithm. Temu just decided to throw the most random shit together to possibly interest you.

I think all of these pictures were on that cursed videotape in "The Ring".

Stacked Highchairs Were Scared

Stacked Highchairs were scared.

Screen Door was also frightened.

Tour Bus laughed at their cowardice.

Chocolate Chips on Whipped Cream felt empathy for them.

Janitor Mop Bucket just wanted to get out of there.

An IM Convo: Andrew Makes a New Friend

Here's the link to Buttchops' review of Andrew's book:

EADJ Surprising Hostility: Crushed Ice

Ah, crushed ice. You just totally suck, don't you?

I mean, you're ice, but you're not terribly useful; the instant I put you in a drink, you're already melted, so instead of rendering the drink colder and more refreshing, you've simply watered it down. Fucking awful.

And handling you is a pain in the ass, too. I can't just grab a few cubes. I have to grab that bitch-ass pewter scoop to grab a portion of you. I use the word "portion" because you even come in vague, unsatisfying amounts. And Lord knows that scoop is no good at containing you, because you always leave such a sloppy puddle on the floor or ground anyway. GOD, I HATE YOU!


What the fuck good are you, crushed ice? What, as an Italian ice or Sno-Cone? Good in theory, but essentially what that is is you being made more palatable with sugar water. You're just there for texture and temperature, and believe me, that's not a lot.


So whenever I see you in a urinal in the men's bathroom at some "fancy" bar or restaurant, I gladly piss on you. It is just so satisfying to burn a hole right through your useless, shapeless lump. Ladies, you don't know what you're missing. No, wait. Let me just leave a small crushed iceberg in your toilet and you can give it a go!

Do your work, sun. FUCK YOU, CRUSHED ICE!

Clarification Corner 2

Get it right!

Michelle Kwan is an Olympic medal-winning figure skater from Torrance, California.
Michelle Quan is a cosmetician as well as a superior teacher from Bay Ridge, New York who advertises in the "Brooklyn's Finest Shopping Guide" circular.


Michelle Kwan is the third child of Danny and Estella Kwan, Chinese immigrants from Hong Kong.
Michelle Quan was birthed from an Indian chief and a grizzly bear.


Michelle Kwan always wears a good luck necklace that her grandmother gave her.
Michelle Quan once stole some platinum rims off her boyfriend's Escalade to pay for insulin.


Michelle Kwan had a pet squirrel when she was younger.
Michelle Quan specializes in Brazilian waxing.


A fan of Michelle Kwan would respond to this Clarification Corner post with an irate letter, saying how dare I sully the good name of a true role model and Olympic champion, and that I'm just jealous and why don't I get a life.
A fan of Michelle Quan would throw a rock in my window and murder me.

Bilbo Baggage

In every airport baggage claim area, I've noticed there's always one weird, plaid-patterned plastic bag that gets dumped out on the carousel. What the fuck?


What's in that stupid thing? Food? Laundry? Shitty electronics?


I don't even know where to buy one of those bags. Dollar stores? Talbots? (Yeah, Talbot's stores, that's a burn.) Still, the people who travel with those things fascinate me.


Now what's in the bucket? Hey! You with that stupid bag, come back! Aww man, this is the worst EADJ entry ever!

***SFVOSP. The Legend Lives On. But the Soul Still Burns.***

(the following entry was submitted by Christian Golden)

"The psychic distance is shortening. He just left elevator car No.15 in the lobby. He's looking most jaunty, affecting some Petersonian togs (a plaid short-sleeved shirt and some jeans). He was accompanied by a matronly, yet cheerful, looking woman. Perhaps they're off to assignation, perhaps just a coffee."

EDITOR'S NOTE: It does seem that the SFVOSP is always accompanied by a female. Just friends and lunch buddies? Or is he some kind of squat lothario? How does the real Scott Peterson feel about his fatterganger's escapades? This and more on the next Nancy Grace.

(pictured above, a superdeformed manga version of the Shorter Fatter Version of Scott Peterson)

***UPDATE*** Jessica Foster, who spotted him today, and Ryan Boblett, who spotted him 2 days ago, have been added to the definitive list at the bottom of this blog.

***DOUBLE UPDATE*** Emily Kane has also spotted him today. With a woman. Plus she heard his voice.