Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracies, CHRISTMAS EDITION

Alex Jones and his talented group of writers are toiling away at providing new "news stories" to the next InfoWars broadcast. Here are the wrong-headed and completely unsourced stories they're working on:

• Elf on a Shelf dolls are equipped with micro-cameras that feed into a server that Santa shares with George Soros

• "Frosty the Snowman" is pro-abortion propaganda telling children that they can murder their own snow creations after they gave them life

• Good King Wenceslas was a real historical figure who was abducted by aliens on the Feast of Stephen

• Gift cards are devastating the traditional gift wrap, gift box and gift bag industry. Good people are dying

• The War on Christmas is an actual military engagement, located on Christmas Island being fought between Krampus Rebels and the Saint Nicholas Junta.

Join Us As We Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye-bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye!

Smecial Dreams Entry!

We aksed a few people what were their dreams lately (all photos were stolen from their Facebook pages):

"I've been dreaming like crazy this week, but having trouble remembering them. I remember on Wednesday I dreamt I was lying in bed and kept looking at my clock and no matter when I looked it said 5AM. I'd close my eyes and go back to sleep, only to wake up and see it was still 5AM. I knew it was over when my alarm actually went off and I woke up for real and it said 6AM."

-Larry K



"Nothing I can share that's rated for the www."

-Kelly M




"I had a dream last night that my friend Kegan and I traveled to Kansas City for some odd reason. We went and saw a movie, got out and saw that the Mariners/Royals game was still going on--it was in extra innings. So we went to the game and got to sit in the middle of left field--actually on the field--to watch the rest. I believe the game went eighteen innings. Then we went to bed and had to fly out the next day. Kegan missed his alarm and didn't move the car, somehow costing us $500 dollars in parking tickets. I woke without making it to the airport in time."

-Andrew

"I had a dream that I fell in love with the woman with 14 babies."

-Jeff D

The very first EADJ weekend entry.

Highlights from the "Send Joel to Michelle Branch Charity Concert:"

• Cake sing a Johnny Cash cover, changing the lyrics from "I Walk the Line" to "Joel Eats a Dick."

• 4 Non-Blondes reunite briefly before realizing it was a terrible idea.

• Nicole Kidman comes out to introduce her new husband, Michael Buble.

• Fred Durst delivers six pizzas to the venue, doesn't get tipped.

• Jesus Lizard plays 4 one-word songs. Guess which four words.

• Red Hot Chili Peppers play yet another song that sounds identical to "Under the Bridge."

• Kid Rock pours his hepatitis onto a thirsty crowd.

• Joel joins The Decemberists and Arcade Fire on stage. It's the first time the two bands have ever been booed.

(pictured above, Kelly Marrazza takes it cardboard-style)