I Have Questions.

I spotted this promo for a new talk show on Tubi featuring football great Deion "Primetime / Neon Deion" Sanders.

The poster doesn't reveal a ton of information, so I have questions:

• "The talk show you didn't know you needed" Why? Is the format refreshingly different? Weather forecasts featuring a koala? Topless cooking segments?

• I'm guessing Deion has interviewed people before, having hosted NFL broadcasts and whatnot. But who are he and his cohost interviewing? Reality stars? Retired football players and their wives? Other Sanders?

• Does the title "We Got Time Today" give us any clues? It's a daily talk show with extra time for in depth interviews? Are there no commercial breaks because it's broadcast on Tubi? What the shit is Tubi, anyway? Questions.

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To HBO Max This Month

Periodically, HBO Max renews or cancels shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here are all the shows that will be added to HBO Max this month:

• The 72 hour Zack Snyder Justice League Extended This Is The Real Version Version

• Cassie & Her Lint Roller

• A Wild, Hilarious Road Trip With Romanian Prime Minister Nicolae Ciucă

• 2 Hours of Chris Hemsworth Manscaping

Here are the shows and movies that HBO Max is removing from their lineup this month:

• Mennonite Glory Hole

• Sanka! The Musical

• Roomba Pimps

• Biker Flower Arranging

• Football Playoff Games That Won't Count

Whattaya Say We Say Goodbye To All the Crap Marketers Want Us To Say Goodbye To?

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

EADJ Selections From the Sharper Image Catalog

(as always, click to enlarge and read)

Look At These Fucking Cakes

I at store. I see cakes. I make fun.

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of June 1

Gather 'round now (don't crowd the others) and listen to the latest underused Twitter hashtags. And if you take a shine to any of these, feel free to add to your own tweets.

#iwishharrisonfordwerefat

#statusmeetingsohboy

#frenemieslol

#justinguarini

#garrotting

#ourcompanysversionoftheharlemshufflelol

#thevoiceissomuchmorerealthanamericanidol

#skrotumskewers

#stopitkevin

#jerkingoffatgamestop

#powerman5000

#fartingintoselmahayekshands

#stillwaitingatbordersbookstore

#curinghomosexualitywithgaysex

#springbreakfingersandwiches

#callingmymomawhore

#callingyourmomawhore

#mymomactuallybeingawhore

#simplexcardsdontgetenoughlove

#burgerkingtitfucking

Spotted in Chinatown

A shirt I can't tell is ironic or not.


"DO NOT NIEECH"

Wal-Mart is More Pathmark Than Pathmark

Fresh Direct Tuesday: Indian-Spiced Lentil & Quinoa Ragout w/ Roasted Vegetables, or Slumdog Millionaire, The Microwavable Dish

Our week of bad continues with a visit to the east: today we try some Indian food!


The kitchen on 21 was again empty, so there were plenty of entrées to choose from in the machine. Sweet. When it came to Indian, I had a choice between the Indian-Spiced Lentil & Quinoa Ragout w/ Roasted Vegetables or the Twix bar.


Same old drill as yesterday. 3 minutes. But as the 2 minute mark hit, there was a STRONG onion smell seeping out of the microwave. I felt really bad for the people who work in the nearby cubicles. I figured I should eat this thing outside.


I was pleasantly surprised that this time, the entrée wasn't almost 1000 calories. Way less sodium, too. You go, Fresh Direct East!


So I smelled up the elevator down to the lobby and sat outside with all the unhappy smokers. And this time, the six minutes it took going down there was enough to let the food cool off. So, yay for my mouth.



It was all neat, symmetrical, and orderly like a still life painting. But once I dug my fork in to get the lentils ragout underneath, it got ugly. A geiser of rank onion and garlic punched me in the nose and took my wallet. Imagine the crotch area of a fisherman's waders, then add some fermented onions and hobo fillings made of cheese, and you'll start to get a sense of how it smelled.


Okay. Truth be told, this wasn't that bad. Although it was pungent and sinus-clearing, the ragout, broccoli, chick peas, and carrots were tasty. I ate most of it, in fact. But I drew the line at essentially putting every bad-smelling vegetable in my mouth. That was she said.


The stench from the dish caused even the most die hard smokers to quit and go back inside, and some curious pigeons nearby wondered how they ended up in the local dump.


I tried sharing some of this delicious Fresh Direct food with my feathered friends:



Shortly after I turned the camera off, one of the pigeons said, "Dude, not cool."



So it wasn't a total culinary disaster like yesterday's Chicken and Cheese Cannelloni. But it did stink up the building, elevator, lobby, outdoor plaza, and adjacent Duane Reade store. Now when I get home the wife is going to think I fell in wet garbage again.

Overall rating: F

The EADJ Crappinema Presents: Playin' For the Kitty

It is with extreme displeasure that we bring you another installment of the EADJ Crappinema. This time, a sort of Brothers-McMullen-or-Tyler Perry-type ensemble cast movie about relationships. Who knew you could remove the annoying drag queen grandma character and still somehow make it less watchable. Let's begin!


"Playing – sorry, Playin' For the Kitty" is the story of five buddies and the trials and tribulations they face in their romantic relationships. At least that's what it said on the box. In actuality, it's about a bunch of actors delivering average dialogue and flexing for no reason in front of a poorly-lit videocamera. I sense a vague, uncommitted approach to the material from the actors– the same way that a high school Senior would detachedly join the glee club to pad their college application; this movie is strictly a resumé padder.































Some verbatim dialogue at the end of the movie:

Peyton (VO): Well, that brings us back to where we started. Our final game.

Everything worked out. Dewayne and Kayla were good. Keisha and Ty were moving towards commitment. Dre was kicking it with Kim. Jay was being less of a dog and made up with Lance. Chris was still hanging loose. And me, happily married, you could say.

Oh, yeah, the game. Money and the final score? Well, we won.


"We won?" What the fuck kind of answer is that? And I'm not talking about the outcome of the football game, which I could give a fart about (I understand that was some kind of analogy for life) – there was hardly any character arc in any of the individual stories.


Shit like "everything worked out" and "we won" is just a lazy writer's way of saying "I don't want to think about tying all the loose ends and piddly details that I've created, so I'll just cinch it all together at the end, clip it off and say everything worked out." Which is 31 flavors of placenta cockhorse, if you ask me. Cheat!


Booo! You won! Booooo!