Some Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracies, CHRISTMAS EDITION

Alex Jones and his talented group of writers are toiling away at providing new "news stories" to the next InfoWars broadcast. Here are the wrong-headed and completely unsourced stories they're working on:

• Elf on a Shelf dolls are equipped with micro-cameras that feed into a server that Santa shares with George Soros

• "Frosty the Snowman" is pro-abortion propaganda telling children that they can murder their own snow creations after they gave them life

• Good King Wenceslas was a real historical figure who was abducted by aliens on the Feast of Stephen

• Gift cards are devastating the traditional gift wrap, gift box and gift bag industry. Good people are dying

• The War on Christmas is an actual military engagement, located on Christmas Island being fought between Krampus Rebels and the Saint Nicholas Junta.

More Dumb Taglines For a Dumb Movie From 2015

 

Exclusive EADJ Preview of Upcoming InfoWars Conspiracies

Scott Fatman or whatever his name is is still at it with his ridiculous right wing conspiracy machine, Infowars. He and his (fat)head writers have agreed to share with us their ideas for shows in the upcoming weeks:

• Why they never call white people first at Panera Bread

• SNL has never been funny to conservatives. TOO HIGH BROW???!!!

• How cancer causes AIDS

• How the Operation board game is creating unrealistic expectations for aspiring health insurance providers

• How rock station morning shows are responsible for the recent explosion of unofficial "zoos"

• Why man boobs are considered sexy in certain circles now

• You. Why you are a Communist

• How Google Doodles are subliminally training your brain to accept diversity

• How to play Words With Friends alone.

Nice Tips, Jessica.

Jessica provides the first stateside Wedding Tip since her trip to Botswana.