Hollywood Studios Feeding Frenzy Over Hazardous Waste Social Post Photo

Republic Services posted a recruitment announcement on Facebook and since it strangely resembled a movie poster, 3 big Hollywood studios scrambled to option it into a working screenplay.

Here are their elevator pitches: 

SONY PICTURES: "Treatment & Disposal" starring Daniel Kaluuya

A bumbling environmental services worker finds a million dollars in a recycling bin and takes a fun road trip with his friends (Shameik Moore and Dylan Sprouse) to find its owner in Malibu. Also starring Parker Posey as "Momma".

PARAMOUNT: "Waste" starring Jaden Smith

After handling radioactive waste, Republic Services worker Gus (Smith) wakes up and finds that he's grown to be 200 ft tall. He uses his newfound celebrity and power to run for mayor of his small town. Starring John Lithgow as the current mayor (who forbids dancing).

A24: "WE'RE YOUR PARTNER" starring Stranger Things's Caleb McLaughlin

An unhappy Republic Services worker falls into the company's recycling machine and emerges a new person (Michael B. Jordan) with a new wife (Ariana DeBose). After settling into his new life, he realizes it's not so great and jumps into the recycling machine again. Third act played by Austin Butler.

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Every so often, Netflix removes or adds shows or movies based on viewer preferences. Here are all the shows that will be added to Netflix's lineup this month:

• The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power: Did We Mention The Rings?

• Yellowstone But On Rollerblades

• Only Misdemeanor Assaults In The Building

• Whatever Show Brad Garrett Is In Now

• The Masked and Chained Singer

Here are the shows and movies that Netflix is removing this month:

• Star Wars: Obscure Character Unnecessary Backstory

• The Great British Boil Off

• Celebrity Squid Game

• Girls Gone Wild Kratts

• Hiding Your Roots, the Genealogy Cover-Up Show

Fringe Backdrop

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto On How To Spot A Fake N95 Mask

The CDC warns that up to 60% of N95 masks on the market are fakes and are not up to federal quality standards. Here's how to tell if a mask sold as an N95 is legitimate:

1) The listing is misspelled or uses poor grammar

2) The seller is listed as "Sexybitch788Suckaz"

3) Real N95 masks always have the manufacturer name, NIOSH (Occupational Safety and Health) written on it, the model and a TC number which is the number issued to the manufacturer from NIOSH.

4) The seller accepts Visa, Mastercard and "back rubs" as payment

And speaking of back rubs, I once drove an older woman in my limo, and she somehow thought that I came with the fare she paid– like she could take advantage of me sexually. I dropped her off at the corner.

Stay safe, kids!

Dive In

Spotted in the Tomahawk Lake Waterpark brochure: a list of waterslide names that are coincidentally  also the names of services offered by a gay massage parlor nearby.

This Week's Least Utilized Twitter Hashtags

Twitter sucks donkey dicks, but these taglines make Twitter suck even more donkey dicks. So go ahead and use these hashtags in the Twittersphere as you wallow in the digital cesspool of unsolicited misspelled rantings. 

#GoMets

#rapecakes

#brisdo-over

#turdtrickshot

#Jeb2020

#peeholetattoos

#joebidenmasseuse

#gangnamstyle2015

#mothertheresa'snipples

#foldingsweatersy'all

#jiffylubegrindrfantasy

#NewtGingrichassplay

#samsonitefullofpus

#bingewatchingtheentire2andaHalfMenseries

#isittoolatetoswitchtoTeamEdwardatthispoint?