"Only True Friends Leave Footprints In Your Pathmark."

More Whack-a-Doo Conspiracy Theories From The O.G. Maniac

Tons of right wing podcasters, bloggers, cable TV pundits, and even members of Congress spewing all manner of crazy conservative conspiracies now, but let's not forget that Alex Jones is the original "gay frog" bullshit dispenser. Here are some NEW conspiracies that he and his talented writers are cooking up for you:

• TikTok is actual cancer cells, digitized into 1's and 0's to infect tweens and dumb people

• People used to care that Jimmy Crack Corn, back when there were REAL Americans

• Screaming directly into someone's asshole discourages polyps

• Rapper Flo Rida is personally responsible for all the fluoride in city water

• Restaurant hosts have all agreed to MAKE WHITE PEOPLE WAIT LONGER THAN MINORITIES

• AA batteries carry the same charge as C batteries but are more expensive because conspiracy

• That weed you lost? I took it.

The ProofrEADJer: End o' November Edition

And multiple offenses on this contractor van:

The ProofrEADJer: December Edition

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of August 21

Twitter is shit. But even shit has shittier shit at the bottom. So here's some unusable shit in your shitty shit Twitter shitter feeds:

#spanxdebt

That's it.

A Nearby Deli With Meat

Look at this place. All dudes. Dudes serving dudes.


This place is a total...

Learning About New Cultures

I'm pretty sure lots of people just don't get Americans.