UAG

A Bad Visual For a Bad Ad

Pictured below: a web banner for Banatrol (?!?!) where apparently a woman likes to sniff her fingers after having chronic diarrhea.

“Sometimes, when I get nervous, I stick my hands under my armpits and then I smell them like this!” - Mary Catherine Gallagher, SNL

How To Tell The Difference Between CBS's FBI, FBI: International, and FBI: Most Wanted

Hello, network TV watcher. We understand your time is valuable, so while the 5+ minutes of pharmaceutical commercials are playing during the station break, we'd like to help you distinguish between the identical-seeming FBI programs on CBS, aka the "Tiffany network".

Here are some handy rules of thumb to tell them apart:

• If Dermot Mulroney is on it, it's FBI: Most Wanted. (No, wait. Or is it Dylan McDermott?)

• If the two lead actors are a woman and a dude with a beard, chances are it's either FBI or FBI: International

• If you see the Eiffel Tower, that means you're watching either FBI: International or FBI and the show is taking place at Kings Dominion in Virginia.

• If they're suddenly speaking Spanish and there are NOT subtitles, that just means you sat on the remote, grandma.

• If the storyline is engaging, intelligently written and impeccably acted, that means it's none of those FBI shows and you're illegally watching a pirated copy of HBO's hit series "Severance." We have called the real FBI and they are on their way.

The ProofrEADJer: End of September Edition

The ProofrEADJer: End of June Edition

What do you call a chicken without any I's?

Please do not push Michael Buble.

Even More New Perks For AMC Stubs Rewards Members

AMC's Stubs Rewards program continues to dominate all other moviegoing rewards programs thanks to its ever-changing list of benefits and perks. Here are the latest rewards you can expect as a member:

• Free tickets to advance screening of movies that will probably bomb anyway

• We will fill your popcorn bucket with hot nacho cheese so you can dump it over the head of anyone you think is being too loud

• Unlimited Blockbuster Video rentals

• We won't throw any hooker in the theatre if she says she's with you

• Free refills for Mark Cuban (not you)

• If you're traumatized by any particular movie, we will carry you home, bathe you, dress you in warm flannel pajamas and rock you gently to sleep

• AMC has added a SKIP button on all movie trailers so you can skip them

EADJ Fashion Round-Up: End of February Edition

Minion Chic.

Striped sleeves + blue vest = Raggedy Walmart.

Both articles match, in that they're both blue and are 3 sizes too small.

Spotted at Jiffy Lube: Won't you be my muffler?

What in the Sta-Puft is Zoe Saldana wearing? I know it's a winter promotion, but JEEZ.

The More You Ignore Me The Pathmark I Get

Some Alternate Taglines For The Movie "Shark Exorcist," Which Could Use All The Help It Can Get

The original stupid tagline:

Some new stupid taglines that we came up with:

Smecial Dreams Two-Shot

Yeah I know these are just texts between Andrew and me. We're lovers.

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of January 26

Here are this week's batch of weakass hashtags that you're welcome to use in your weakass Twitter feeds:

#antivaxpundits

#chewingtinfoil

#petdandermerkin

#twofingershavebeeninside

#madpussyasinitsangryatme

#Godisontheotherteamsside

#50shadesofgreysausagefest

#cantgetenoughDeflategatejokes

#notenoughAdamLevineontheradio

#andtherapistsgonnaraperaperaperaperape

Another Unsolicited Google Photo-Thingy

A few months ago, Google saw fit to add some gimmicky bonus bullshit to a perfectly mediocre EADJ entry. Today, we received another alert that Google did this unasked-for shit again:

See that "Mix" button? If you click it, NOTHING HAPPENS. That's because all the photos of Vince's Uncle Roberto are ALL IDENTICAL. So there's no animation to make, Google geniuses. Here, check it out for yourself.

UAG

The Hall of Abominations Grows Yet More Once Again

Just last week, we added a foot with feet to the Hall of Anthropomorphic Horrors. A quick Google search of other recursive characters brought us a whole tour-busload of things doing things with their own kind. And they weren't just limited to body parts with body parts.

 

Here now are the latest entries of things doing things with their own things:

 

And here's a Lifetime Achievement award to a classic:

 

 HORRIFIC!

Happy Halloween From EADJ

We at EADJ hope you have a safe and prosperous Halloween. From the lunch ladies who serve food wearing gross witch costumes to the Halloween Headquarters employees making fun of all the slack-ass last minute shoppers, we hope you all enjoy a nice fun sized Zagnut on us.

Now onto today's entry:

Cold Stone Creamery's Secret Menu

Fine eating establishments like In 'N Out Burger and even Starbucks have been known to have secret menus, but did you know Cold Stone Creamery actually has one as well? Turns out that there are even larger sizes beyond the posted ones.

Like It (approximately 5 oz)

Love It (approximately 8 oz)

Gotta Have It (approximately 12 oz)

Really Want It (approximately 15 oz)

Seriously Fucking Need It (approximately 19 oz)

Jonesing For It In A Bad Way (approximately 20 oz)

Really, Really, Really Need It, Man, C'mon (approximately 28 oz)

Not Going To Frickin' Ask You Twice For It (approximately 32 oz)

I Can Quit It Anytime (approximately 35 oz)

Might Have To Pawn My TV For It (approximately 40 oz)

My Wife Will Leave Me If I Continue It (approximately 43 oz)

Look At How Hard My Dick Is I Want It So Bad (approximately 49 oz)

To Hell With My Family's Intervention About It (approximately 52 oz)

I Hate Myself But It's Bigger Than Me Now (approximately 55 oz)

Would Rape My Grandmother For It (approximately 68 oz)

Order any of these next time you're at Cold Stone Creamery!