Happy New Year from Eat A Dick Joel

May your 2025 be like your 2024 but with less scabies, family fights in the parking lot of a Perkins Restaurant, and fewer probation denials!

Happy New Year from Eat A Dick Joel!

Do we have any New Year's resolutions? Sure. Here are a few:

• More awareness

• Being more in touch with ourselves

• Being more present in our own and others' lives

• Practicing humility and mindfulness

• Engaging more and promoting wellness

• Having more awareness of our mindfulness

• Showing gratitude for not having Pewter Bear around anymore

Fucking hell. We managed to be free of this pewter motherfucker for a literal DECADE and that glorious record has been ruined. Great way to start off the new year. Fucking fucking FUCK. God DAMMIT.

Should All Acquaintance Be Pathmark...

EADJ's New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year! We at EADJ are excited for a fresh start, so here is a list of our New Year's resolutions:

• Stop ordering a venti soy latte at Dunkin

• Win a fight with a bouncer

• Get my body bikini ready for summer 

• Start working on that Bee Gees biopic again

• MORE MUCILAGE

• Call your mother back

• Prepare for Lent

• Connect with the universe like some New Age idiot

• Make you like me

• Learn the lyrics to Daft Punk's "Around The World"

When I Say "Path," You Say "Mark." "PATH!..."

2014: "Eat A Dick Joel" Is Now "Hug A Pewter Bear"

Hello, EADJ readers, or should I say, HUPB readers! That's right. Starting today, this infamous blog has now been handed over to yours truly, where I can finally run the fun, lovable content you've always wanted from this URL! We're going to have loads of amusement, folks! Here are some of the changes that I will instill immediately:

• No cursing or mean-spirited writing at all. This is supposed to be FUN!

• New regular EADJ HAPB segments, such as Guess That Yankee Candle, Ringtone Download Of the Week, and Stuffed Animal Reviews:

• Every Wednesday, we will post the music video to "Brave" by Sara Bareilles, simply because she is an AMAZING singer and that song is SO CATCHY!!!!

• Less mention of horse nuts, abortion rights, "taints," and Procter and Gamble. This is 2014, people!

• I guess that's it for now. Consider this list a "living document" that will grow as we go forward. See ya soon! In the meantime, here's a Christian-themed Jumble:

Happy New Yeadj

I Found This In My Parents' Computer Desk Over the Break

Happy New Year, everyone!

End of the Year Closeout: Part 2

Tonight we retire another EADJ bit: The misplaced item in Pathmark. Partly because we want to just retire this bit. And partly because the security guard at Pathmark threatened to throw me out of the place next time she saw me taking pictures.








Barnes and Noble step up to the plate:



Not that Safeway in Maryland's any better: