Yo, Let's Say Goodbye to a Bunch of Advertising Straw Men!

And this one submitted by the lovely Emily Kane:

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

New Documentaries on the All-Documentary Channel

The Documentary Channel has announced a new lineup, including these docs:

• How Ke$ha Became Kesha

• Who Built The Ferrero Rocher Pyramids?

• The Menendez Brothers Double Date Casey Anthony and Lorena Bobbit

• Cold Case: The Disappearance of Toby's Weed Stash

• WWII: The Underdocumentaried Parts

The Latest New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

The Documentaries Channel streaming channel has announced a full roster of new releases. You can start watching any of these now if there's nothing else on:

• How Documentaries are Made

• TikTok Influencers, Sociopathy, and How To Smash Their Phones

• Let's Count the Dimples on a Golf Ball (spoiler: 336)

• The Splendor and Dignity of Carnival Geeks

• Pranking the H.O.A.

• Custer's Second to Last Stand: An Underrated Victory

• King's Hawaiian: A Dinner Roll Empire Forged in Ambition and Machiavellianism

• Dick Pics: The Unsolicited History

This Week's New Releases On The Documentary Channel

Watching a documentary is like reading a crappy nonfiction book– it's not always correct, but it sure makes you feel smarter. Here are the latest documentaries streaming now:

• Why Running Scared– the 1986 Movie starring Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines as Cops– Never Had a Sequel

• Peachfuckers: People Who Have Sex With Peaches

• In-N-Out Burger Late Night Adventures

• Cannon Cleaners: The Unsung Heroes of the Crimean War

• How Cut & Paste Revolutionized Computing (and How Cut & Paste Revolutionized Computing)

• How Bill Cosby Spends His Time Now (NSFW)

•  The War on Festivus

• Rude Kermit: How You Can Tell When Jim Henson Was Giving Someone the Finger

• Red Lobster's Corporate Structure: Why Zero Lobsters Are C-Level Executives

New Releases On The Documentary Channel

Entertainment, history, politics, the environment. Whatever subject interests you, The Documentary Channel is guaranteed to have a partially true documentary about it. Here are the newest releases this week for you to check out:

• Pancakes, Waffles or Crepes: A Breakfast Controversy

• Cesar Millan Gets Bitten

• Child Actors' Personal Assistants: Professional Masochists

• Every PEZ Dispenser-Related Death To Date

• Why Zeus Was Such A Man Ho

• Scurvy's Silver Lining

• The History of the NBA As Told By Wayne Gretzky

• DUMP!

Some Exciting* New Documentaries Now On the Documentary Channel!

 *exciting as documentaries go

The popularity of good, entertaining documentaries is exploding, and there's no better place to find them than at the Documentary Channel. Here are the newest releases for you to grab a glass of wine and sit your middle aged ass in front of:

• Tattoo Removal: The Stories of Regret

• Who Are The Dumbest Supreme Court Justices?

• Missing: The Apple TV Remote- Have You Seen It?

• Rimming Tim (not a porno, but a documentary of Tim, the wheel customizer)

• Why Face Swaps Are Funny

• Your Ass: Why Is It So Fat?

• Skrillex Working at a Carwash

• Weapons of War: Torpedos, Spears and Erect Dicks

• Deconstructing the Reconstruction: Huh?

Some More New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

Here are a few featured documentaries that you can now stream on the Documentaries Channel. This is so exciting that someone should make a documentary of it:

• Garlicish: Why Some Things That Aren't Garlic Smell Like Garlic

• Heeeey, We Want Some 2 Live Crew Documentary!

• Not Speaking To You: The Silent Weapon Girlfriends Use

• The History of Pliers: Ancient Times to the 1970s

• A Terrible Industrial Training Video With Narration To Look Like a Documentary

• The Austrian Politics of Geese Husbandry

• Guys Who Almost Played in U2 But Got a Pretty Good Paying Job at the Time

• I HATE YOU: Toddlers Sound Off

• Women! (either the empowering rights documentary or the misogynistic one that complains about them)

Some New Documentaries To Watch On The Documentaries Channel

The Documentaries Channel streaming service has announced some new documentaries this week to watch along with the regular documentaries they're already showing. You can start watching any of these now:

• Not Blythe: The Story of a Woman Who Looks Remarkably Like Actress Blythe Danner But Isn't Her

• HAM: The Meat of an Empire & The Empire of Meat

• Background: The Extras In Movies You Love Ditch On How Miserable Shooting Actually Was

• Shuriken: Their History, How They're Made, and How To Remove One From Your Sternum

• Gas Leak! Silent But Deadly (Not About Farts, This Is Serious, Guys)

• Stuff You: How The Beanie Babies Industry Cheats Its Collectors

• Shit On A Stick: America's Love Affair With State Fairs

• Putting Baby In A Corner: A Dirty Dancing Alternate Timeline Explored

• "You Fucking Pussy": A Tribute To Older Brothers

Yo Ho Ho And A Bottle of Pathmark

Here Are Your Job Numbers For May 14, 2018

Hello all. Grace from HR here. 

The original intent of this email is to notify you all of the new job numbers (see below) that you're supposed to fill out by end of day today so that we can process our billing and we can all get paid.

But the second thing I'd like to discuss with you is the improper language that I've been hearing around the break room and kitchen area. I would urge everyone to stop using the terms "tittyfucking", "dickslapping", "cum dumpster", "blumpkin", "meatspin", "faggotry", "blue waffle", "tubgirl", "queef", "smegma", "sharting", and "no lube ass raping". Also, whoever is posting fake flyers about employee training that direct you to goatse.cx, please stop it.

Here are the job numbers for you animals:

83552: Asking for help with a CapriSun

59925: Getting a case of the giggles

19473: Stinking to high heaven

25825: Asking you about your grandchildren

10023a: Pursing your lips

10023b: Lipping your purse

55725: Applying for a job at Circuit City or Toys Я Us

36332: NOT dropping it like it's hot

85018: Staying friends after the breakup

79123: Renewing your hand modeling contract

60628: Googling how to spell "Matthew McConaughey" YET AGAIN