New EADJ Segment: Imagined Backstory

We're going to try something new today: "Imagined Backstory", where we find something out in the world and meticulously and meaninglessly create lore behind it.

Today we have a sign hanging on the shopping cart corral at the local Lowe's:

Who are these people? What's their story? Well, obviously, it's Nicole and Brandon from two towns over. You met them a few months ago at the East Orange Farmer's Market at their homemade honey tent, remember? Nicole sold you a jar of their "Raw Tupelo Honey" and invited you to a barbecue they were throwing after their boys were finished with baseball playoffs, and you ACCEPTED and gave them your number. So now Nicole has been texting and calling you for days wondering if you were going to make it Saturday and also bring your roommates although you don't remember mentioning them. Brandon has been gotten really good at smoking baby back ribs and of course WITH HONEY, LOL. Also, the barbecue is cocktail casual, so wear whatever, but know that the mayor is coming! Why won't you pick up?

(Tragically, they also resemble Lauren Boebert and Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio.)

The ProofrEADJer: Didn't-We-Just-Do-One-Of-These-Last-Week Edition

This one is more missing a word than misspelled:

Nice to learn that Saturn's sixth moon is also a 16th Century Renaissance painter:

An Interview With the 4 Ladies In That Old "Haulin' Ass" Poster

Most men who grew up in the 80's remember the "Haulin' Ass" poster. Some had it hanging on their wall or basement, and some had seen it for sale at their local Spencer's Gifts Store. This enduring classic from 1986 depicting four bikini'd women in high heels standing in the bed of a truck with the caption "Haulin' Ass" has recently been inducted into the new poster archive section of the Library of Congress. EADJ tracked down the four women who posed in this perennial favorite in four retrospective interviews.


Barbara Cassidey, 40, Gym Manager
"Yeah, I remember that shoot. It was a mild August afternoon in Taylor, Michigan, which is just outside of Detroit. A good friend of mine knew the photographer and volunteered me. I thought it was for a commercial or a movie, so I got my hair and face made up. But then they told me to just show my ass. Kind of lame. The guy didn't even clean the truck."


Deborah Galveston, 43, Financial Advisor at The U.S. Department of Labor
"Shit. This is what you're interviewing me for? A 22-year old photo? Goddamn, I've moved on. I've built a fucking life and a fucking family and shit. Motherfucking poster that I never got paid for, cheap-ass asshole photographer snaps a picture of my ass, and I never hear from him again. Fuck. You know what? Fuck you. Get out."


Candace Bettermin, 39, Radio Promoter, (Deceased)
Unfortunately, Candace Bettermin passed away in 2006 from injuries sustained in an accident at a promotional event for a local radio station in Wichita, Kansas. An oversized fiberglass tooth fell on Bettermin as she was swinging from a chain below it. She was wearing the pink bikini and heels that had made her so famous.


Maya Angelou, 80, Poet and Activist
"Yes, few people realize that I was the fourth girl in that famous photo. I was 58 at that time, can you believe that? It's funny. I was in town for a book signing of my latest collection of poems, "All God's Children Need Traveling Shoes," and my agent had told me she'd scheduled an additional appearance in an alley behind a Fuddrucker's. I was hesitant but once I put on those heels, I knew it was a good thing. Why, years later, I wrote a poem about the experience. I think it was called either Welcoming The Sun Into Your Arms or Exposing My Ass In The Back Of Someone's Ford F-150. I forget which."

Copies of the "Haulin' Ass" poster are still on sale at Amazon under the title "Women In Truck," although if you look closely at the title of the webpage window, it's under the category "Kitchen & Dining."