Merry Christmas From EADJ

From all of us at Eat A Dick Noel Joel, we'd like to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

More unwrapping presents

More inviting peasants

More stuffing pheasants

More commuting sentences

More miking pences

More mending fences

More passed tenses

More zooming lenses

New Documentaries on the All-Documentary Channel

The Documentary Channel has announced a new lineup, including these docs:

• How Ke$ha Became Kesha

• Who Built The Ferrero Rocher Pyramids?

• The Menendez Brothers Double Date Casey Anthony and Lorena Bobbit

• Cold Case: The Disappearance of Toby's Weed Stash

• WWII: The Underdocumentaried Parts

EADJ Fashion Round-Up

This person on the treadmill sounded like someone was giftwrapping trash bags in cellophane during a hailstorm.

This dude has so many pulls, straps, and twist-ties that he should stay at least a mile away from a corn thresher.

Even if the fishing hat doesn't match the bag or the Uggs, the fur fringe ties the whole thing together.

I swear I was psyched to spot Shrek.

UAG

Here I Am, Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Racist Appliances!

The 2017 NJ Transit Survey Flyer and The Current Administration: A Correlation

So it's no secret that the country sucks now that whatshisname is in office. I guess it's only par for the course now that the survey flyer for the NJ Transit this year sucks just as badly. Check out this turd:

Yes, long gone are our 6 stiffly posed friends from years ago, only to be replaced by a new set of 5 stiffly posed strangers from what looks like a royalty free stock company. Strangely, the only surviving element has always been the "Customer Satisfaction Survey" sunburst.

I'm guessing the orange isn't an accident. The diversity is surprising, though. I'm not even going to dignify this year's entry with a thorough review or pretend backstories for the people in the picture. Because THIS IS ALL STEVE BANNON'S FAULT.

And Now For "Avalanche Sharks," The "All Trump Transition Team" Edition

"But none of these are funny," you'll say. And I'll agree.

Twitter's Least Used Hashtags, Week of November 13

Twitter can suck my ass. But if you use the damn thing, here are unpopular hashtags you can use to further pollute the Internet with your shitty opinions and widen the political divide in this faltering country:

#3titbuffet

#yogaaftertacos

#newcoffinsmell

#chandlerbingfanfic

#GordonRamsaymeditation

#onehourblowjobatLenscrafters

#NoMan'sSkyGameofTheYearEdition

#who'sgrabbingmyballsundermyskirt

#IwanttopunchChrisPrattsohardintheface