EADJ Presents: Which Diddy Crime Documentary Should You Watch?

So you want to sit down and watch a crime documentary using dramatic music and recounting (or even recreating) Puff Daddy / P. Diddy / Diddy's allegations of sexual assault, sex trafficking, grooming minors,  false imprisonment, forced labor, kidnapping, arson, bribery, and obstruction of justice. But which one should you watch? Use this handy guide which makes all its assumptions based on the posters:

"Diddy: The Making of a Bad Boy" on Peacock

Use of Red: A shocking splash of what looks like tomato soup drips down the side over one of Diddy's eye. Diddy stands in front of a rough cement wall, which implies prison or crime. The reflection in his sunglasses shows all the celebrity coverage.

Verdict: Guilty

"Diddy: Monster's Fall" on Amazon Prime Video

Use of Red: They colored Diddy's skin and shirt to be bright red, so now he looks either like Darth Maul or the Devil in any Broadway musical. The crackling effect and the crumbling wall behind him indicate a disintegrating empire. And prison. Or unqualified house painters.

Verdict: Guilty

"TMZ Presents: The Downfall of Diddy" on AppleTV and Tubi

Use of Red: Only on the TMZ logo, which if you ask me does implicate THEM as evil. Diddy stands in darkness with only his innocent looking eyes peeking out for help.

Verdict: Guilty

The Mexican Pizza and the McRib Meet the KFC Chizza

MP: Check it out, McRib.

M: What the hell is that?

C: Hey fellas! I'm the new KFC Chizza!

MP: Oh, I get it. Pepperoni and mozzarella on top of chicken. A Chizza.

C: Exactly! I'm chicken and pizza!

M: Nice portmanteau.

MP: Yeah, cute. But you're not really pizza. You're not on pizza dough.

C: Well, neither are you. You're a pair of big crackers. And your cheese isn't even mozzarella.

M: He's got you there, Mexican "Pizza".

MP: Shut up.

M: So, Chizza, are they buying a lot of you?

C: I'm doing respectable. Some chicken purists are offended by the pepperoni on top of chicken, though.

M: Fuck purists.

MP: Yeah, fuck 'em. If no one pushed boundaries, I'd never had been created.

M: Me neither. Here's to innovation!

C: Hear hear!

MP: You guys wanna grab a bite? I'm starving.

M: I could go for a Waldorf salad, frankly.

C: Oooh, that sounds GREAT.

Remember Always Your End, and That Lost Time Does Not Pathmark.

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Explain Socialism and Democratic Socialism

"Great question... Ahh... UGGGH!... A socialist, in the traditional sense, is... *gasp*....an adherent of socialism... can't... ... Socialism is a state-controlled economy... wait... in which the state... oww ow ow ow...  controls the means of production (factories, offices, resources, and firms).  FUCK... Democratic socialists... yikes... believe strongly in democracy and democratic principles... No, not that... They are by no means proponents of.. ah... ahh... uh... authoritarian government systems... *chokes*  ...many Americans associate socialism with. .and... um, fundamentally anti-capitalist ... Cough... agh... agh..." *dies*

UAG

I See A Racist Appliance In Your Future...

The ProofrEADJer, Christmas Edition

Merry Chrismas, you illiterates!

False Alarm. Kristine Johnson Hasn't Left Channel 2 News.

She actually does the CBS2 News at 5pm and 11pm. I mistakenly thought she was replaced when I was watching the 6pm news and *that blonde woman* was running the desk.

I'm so glad you haven't left, Kristine. I promise I won't make fun of you again on this blog.

But you really might want to reconsider wearing green around the studio. Especially near the Weather Desk.

New EADJ Segment: Let's Read Some Cartoons That My Dad FWD'd Via Email!

EADJ Smecial Dreams Entry

From time to time EADJ asks its readers what dreams they've had lately. Here are some recent ones:

Andrew:
i did dream that i opened the refrigerator and there were oven knobs in there

Lorraine:
like me, marty and brad pitt (who was telling us what to do) were like serial killers
he was our boss
i was scared

David:
I dreamt that a quick growing rat was running through the office and every time someone spotted it, it was bigger.

Tom W:

What They Thinking

A: "Man, there are a lot of keylines here."
B: "Yay, we're only a quarter through these 600 keylines!"
C: "I woke up in the middle of the night dreaming about resizing an out of home board!"
D: "I wonder if I should bring up the fact that there's a typo on every keyline."

2008's "Must See TV"

Nothing but positive buzz has surrounded ABC's upcoming dramedy "Brynn 'nn Matt" since last week's announcement that it will join the fall lineup. After having already been slated for 17 episodes, the program is sure to pick up a second season. Its simple premise: young ad executives Matt and Brynn learn, live, and possibly love in the heart of New York City. And with such an enthusiastic following already, industry experts have predicted "B'nn M" to topple such megahits as "Gossip Girl" and "Charlie Rose."

Stars have already started clamoring for guest spots on the show, even though most have no idea of the roles offered.

"I'll be the janitor!" said former American Idol contestant Bo Bice, "No wait, I am a janitor!"

"I'll just play myself, like I always do," said Christopher Walken, Tom Hanks, Adam Sandler, and Will Ferrell.

"I could be a great black friend for Brynn," said Maggie Gyllenhall at a press conference.




A scene from episode 1.6, "To Know Her."

Description: Matt, Eric and Brynn sign up for a kickboxing class to relieve stress. Matt and Brynn wind up having to fight each other because they're both beginners. As they start to carp more and more at the office, all pretext towards civility drops in the ring and their matches in the class increasingly intensify. Eric takes on a new project. Lorraine, meanwhile, debates whether to go to Pax or Delmonico's for lunch. Barry Bonds guest stars.

At Last– Weeks Later– the Long-Awaited Third and Final Installment of the EADJ Crapcade Review of the Power Games System, Submitted by Lorraine:

"was really fun. I liked it. I want to play again. It was really cool."

A Bit of Fun

Music: "Bedroom Music" by Best Fwends

An EADJ Crapcade Review: Power Games System, Part 1

(EDITOR'S NOTE: There are many aspects and details of the Power Games System to judge, so we had to break up its review into three parts using three different reviewers. This first entry is by David Estoye. The other two will be by Tom Weingard, and Lorraine & her boyfriend.)

This reporter was fortunate enough to stumble across this gem of a system while shopping in a pretty jacked up mall in Brooklyn. Along with cell phone accessories and spinning rim belt buckles, the mall kiosks sold videogame systems for $40 a pop; $30 if you pay cash. For some reason the guy was willing to haggle as if we're in a Bangladesh village market. Like we're trading Nakshikathas for salwar kameezes– am I right, people?

After dinking around with a demo model, which I had to keep from the sticky hands of toddlers, I purchased one and took it home. The box felt suspiciously light.

Even before playing the Power Games System, I knew I had to review it fairly. I wanted to judge this system not in comparison to the XBox 360 or the Playstation 3, but to something more in its price range. I decided I would compare it to playing with my nuts.


Packaging:

"Super Entertainment System." The graphics on the box are awesome. Looks like somebody scanned the boxes of other toys from a Dollar Value Store and then made a collage. Top marks.



Components:


The number of components is impressive, too. There's a "Unique Detachable Light Gun," a "High Tech Controller," and a "Wireless Controller," all held snug by some high tech styrofoam and high tech cellophane. Oh, also, there's a penguin.



In comparison, my nuts are in a packaging of cotton boxer briefs, which is then wrapped in denim. Advantage: nuts.




Games like "TENAGE NUTANT..."


"SQOON..."


and the classic "DONGKEY KONG."


It turns out to really be Donkey Kong, actually. Good show.


Dig Dug is Dig Dug, too!


One game which caught my eye, however, was MILK NUTS.




So overall, The Power Games matched my nuts in enjoyability, playability and learning curve. However, my nuts won out in the dollar-per-enjoyment category.

FINAL GRADE:
POWER GAMES SYSTEM: C+
MY NUTS: A++