Dad Joke Alert In 3... 2... 1...

What's wrong with the fish you have now?

(Sorry.)

IM Fun

My cousin Melissa tells me the story of how my Mom decided on her house:

Face It, Tiger, You Hit The Pathmark

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

"The hole in the hat is for whenever my bra gets delivered."

Turns out businessmen from Nebraska do mind if they somehow end up on the cover of your mixtape after getting wasted in Reno with you and your crew.

A class action lawsuit against Stridex was filed later that week.

I don't get it. "Brain dump?"

Ladies and gentlemen, the Tomi Lahren of hip hop.

I've got nothing comical or mean to say about this. I'm happy for her? Pass.

They guys couldn't understand what was taking the girls so long to show up.

MF Doom is still somehow doing it. (It is still him, right?)

"Swimming On The Meat Juice"

Below, a TripAdvisor review of Sir Walter Raleigh Restaurant, which is just down the road from my Mom and Dad's:

Can't tell if this writer was illiterate or was using English as a second language. And apparently the reviewer has never heard of "au jus." Either way, fantasticism!

Read the review here.

And this is impressive: if you Google search the phrase "swimming on the meat juice" in quotes, there is only ONE SEARCH RESULT.

An Old Couple I Spotted Sleeping At A Sears In Jersey

Here's why it's totally cool:

• Sears put the comfy recliners there.

• All of the TVs were displaying a relaxing montage of nature with new age music

• They're old

• They're adorable

• They've been busy shopping at the Gap (and Sears, mind you, so they're paying customers)

• They kept their pants on

• Sears doesn't want to cause a PR stir by throwing out an Asian couple

• Sears won't hassle them on their way out the way Best Buy would

• It actually is a good ad for the chairs and TVs at Sears

• MSG makes you sleepy

• They probably did not leave that tissue in the brown chair

• The clerk probably spotted me and didn't want to throw out "my parents."

My Mom Hates Talking Politics

Here my parents talk real estate, the Unabomber, and the Unabomber's brother. And being the evil shit that I am, I steer the conversation towards politics- which my mother hates- causing her to turn on the radio. Let's watch!

No, She's Not From the Band Tegan & Sara

Pictured below, my Mom rocks a fucking sweet post-chemo mullet.



She's fine now, btw.

Of Smut and Fuzz

During a visit to Jersey, my Dad gripes to J'Net about Mom throwing away all his adult magazines. Meanwhile, Mom's hair is growing back. :)



BTW, Mom was fixated on an ACC game on TV.

I Found This In My Parents' Computer Desk Over the Break

Happy New Year, everyone!

A Terrible Joke Told Terribly With Terrible Audio

This is my Dad at a buffet place trying to tell a joke about a woman trying to increase her breast size. Then my Mom "ruins" it.

Bonus Video

Video: That Chinese CGI recreation of the Tiger Woods car accident that's all over the Internet.

Audio: My parents and J'Net discussing the Tiger Woods car accident from a previous entry.

A Snapshot of My Weekend

My Mom, Dad and Jeanette discuss the Tiger Woods "news" story.

Exciting Video Segment

My Mom & Dad clean the blinds at their house:

Scary.

When we moved into our new house, the previous owner had left a plethora of bizarro stuff, like plastic pelican planters, 2 bowling balls in the garden, and this hideous mirror clock:


We set all that crap on the curb, and someone promptly– and thankfully– took it. So you can imagine my surprise last weekend when I was having sushi with my parents in Greenbelt, Maryland, and I spotted THIS:


Dun dun DUUUNNNNNNN!

Sometimes, A Title Or a Caption Can Do Nothing To Add To the Overall Effect of the Item That They're Introducing or Describing.

How Could I Not Film This.

Filmed yesterday at a street fair in Brooklyn: My Mom busting a move:



Apparently my Mom enjoys Tribe and Nice 'N Smooth.

Let's Examine The Meniscus To Determine The Precise Volume of Liquid in the EADJ Mail Sack!

My parents are coming this weekend. So I made some hotel reservations for them and told them I'd be sending them more info. The following is an email response from my Dad, who, by the way, is retired:


My son,
Thank you for your very prompt reply to my email. I will look for your email with directions on how to go to your place. Right now, I have to go watch Drew Cary on the Price Is Right.
Dad

Happy Easter From EADJ!

The following is a Good Friday entry from my Mom. It has been published in its entirety and unedited:

On Good Friday , our local church offered a rare living performance of the stations of the Cross.Instead of praying in front of a picture ,one would follow the actors in the roles of the persons present at the time of the Crucifixion. The cast included Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, John, Roman soldiers, mourners, etc who would follow Jesus as he walked with the cross to his final breath at 3 PM . The participants were the Bible students at Ascension Church.

In the beginning, I found the church dark except for the light at the altar where the students were assembled .All the statues were covered with purple shrouds. The daylight illuminated the stained glass window which had the portrait of the full length Jesus walking.

The students were dressed in character as Hebrews . Jesus wore a thorny crown and since it was cold in church, the actor wore a protective Tee shirt emblazoned with the word "Zippo" . I was disturbed by that and by the fact that I was the only person in the audience except for the priest and the director. I felt lucky to be in retirement while other people had to work and could not get away to watch this performance. The audience could either sit down or follow the procession as the players moved from the altar to the sides of the church as Jesus carried his cross on his way to his death.

I chose to follow the procession. For each station, the lector explained what was happening then concluded with a short prayer. Since I was the only audience, I responded each time with a loud "Amen". Even though I was not in Hebrew costume , I was solemnly dressed in black from my hat to my boots. During the flogging of the actor Jesus, he yelped twice in pain .The younger students snickered and thought his reaction was funny. Veronica held up a linen sheet with the drawing of Jesus' face . The man that was supposed to carry the Cross part of the way did not show up.

The actor Jesus stumbled on cue at the altar .His wooden lifesize cross was then placed upright behind a wooden bench on which he stood . He outstretched his arms for the Roman soldiers to bind his wrists to the cross.
The soldiers were dressed in togas which looked like graduation robes .The players moved in all seriousness. When the crucifixion ended with the final gasp , Jesus properly writhed in agony and hung his head in terminus still wearing his Zippo tee shirt. His body was removed from the cross and his mother Mary cradled his head on her lap in the manner of Pieta. Then the church lights sequentially turned on from front to the back illuminating the church .This must have been the depiction of the thunder and lighting that split the Hills of Golgotha when an earthquake marked the death of Jesus.

There was no applause . When the lights went on , there were people in the back of the church approaching the seats. That's when I realized I had been a witness to a dress rehearsal that was so authentic I thought it was the real show. The priest approached the altar and congratulated the players .Now it was time for their real performance but I left the church, content that I had a private and personal living stations of the Cross on this special Good Friday.

To everyone, Happy Easter.

Damn, Missed It!

This was last Friday, and I had no idea.


I mean, I rarely ever miss the XXX Pre-Valentine's Day Blacktail Booty Fest. It's kind of a yearly tradition with me and my family. (Dang, I should've signed up for the Anthony's Corner Cafe email newsletter!) Then I would have known that if I purchase tickets for myself, my wife, my Mother, Father, and brother, then a ticket for my mother-in-law would have been free. Then we could have all spent a lovely pre-Valentine's Day Friday night having a nice, quiet dinner and then watching the booty drop and roll.


My Dad would have truly enjoyed Dakota's chin-straddling booty shake or Juicy's trademark "down low" ass pump. And Mom would have feigned offense but would have loved to watch 69 do her nasty stank thang with the champagne flute. Heck, even my brother would have had fond memories of Cinammon's (sic) flashlight nip nips and Dynamite's ability to shine light out of her ragged coochie. Then we could all have bought matching XXX Pre-Valentine's Day Blacktail Booty Fest T-shirts to wear to the next softball game or family reunion.

Jeez, why do I always find these flyers too late?