"Where We Love is Home – Home That Our Feet May Leave, But Not Our Pathmark."

Autumn Leaf Was Ready For Halloween.

Autumn Leaf was ready for Halloween.

Other Leaves just smirked and looked fabulous.

And Another Leaf just seemed confused.

Bonus: Two Leaves show their love! ❤️

Spotted at An Art Festival

Pro tip: When running a food business, try to avoid the word “anus” in your Instagram handle.

Let's Say Goodbye To Some Shit!

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

Breaking:

The fun is over.

Farting On Susan's Facebook Wall

So I'm Facebook friends with this girl Susan M. I don't really know her all that well except that we worked together in Chicago a few years ago, but I friended her because I'm not very discriminating and think hundreds of Facebook friends will magically validate me somehow.

Anyhoo, I finally got around to reading her profile page, and it turns out she's fans of Starbucks, J. Crew, Zipcar, Walgreen's, Oprah, Gossip Girl, and Groupon Chicago. Wow, imagine that!

So to make her website more interesting, I posted on her wall:


And I soon got a response on my wall;


I thought over time she'd remove the "fart" from her wall, but after a good 24 hours, it was still there. So I left another, thinking she'll definitely take it down, then:


It's been a good weekend since I posted that second fart, with no response or action, so I felt it important to post the screenshot of the first fart on her wall on her wall:


She'll definitely take it down now, right? Or at least unfriend me. Stay tuned to EADJ as this important story develops.

Scary.

When we moved into our new house, the previous owner had left a plethora of bizarro stuff, like plastic pelican planters, 2 bowling balls in the garden, and this hideous mirror clock:


We set all that crap on the curb, and someone promptly– and thankfully– took it. So you can imagine my surprise last weekend when I was having sushi with my parents in Greenbelt, Maryland, and I spotted THIS:


Dun dun DUUUNNNNNNN!

A True Story

Barry, a guy I've known since Portfolio School in Atlanta, who also happens to live two blocks down from me AND is a co-worker one floor from me (Jeez, back OFF man) was recently given the green light by his allergist that he could eat mollusks. So last weekend he enjoyed some, but within a couple of hours, he was already feeling queasy.


Barry turned to the Internet and Googled the phrase "i get sick every time I eat mollusks," and sure enough, the twentieth entry was EAT A DICK JOEL!


Eat A Dick Joel has decided to award Barry the Jade Mollusk Award for coming across EADJ totally randomly by using a phrase with "mollusk" in it. Barry's new award is at the bottom of this page. Congrats, Barry! Put this on your resume!

Off-Brand T.P. Roundup, Round 3

Here completes the Off-Brand T.P. Roundup Trilogy. In a few weeks, all three volumes will be available on a 6-disc special collector's DVD set in exclusive lenticular/hologram dispenser packaging, just in time for Christmas.


Brand: Market Pro
Brand Imagery: Red square with sound wave-y things
Brand Promise: The tissue paper choice of professionals and communists
Brand Reality: Like wiping your ass with a KFC napkin


Brand: Companions
Brand Imagery: Friendly, bouncy typography and organic swirls
Brand Promise: "Everything in its place."
Brand Reality: "Shove it up your ass."


Brand: Unnamed mystery paper
Brand Imagery: Mysterious abstract green pattern
Brand Promise: Absolutely nothing.
Brand Reality: Delivers.


Brand: Vista "Velvety Soft" 2-Ply Bath Tissue
Brand Imagery: White butterfly, pleasant blue watercolor background
Brand Promise: Relaxation in a secluded vale
Brand Reality: A hellride down a BMX path without shocks. And like its namesake, is so disappointing to its users that they downgrade to Toilet Paper XP.


Brand: Distinction One-Ply Bath Tissue
Brand Imagery: Marbly background, Coronet typeface for "class."
Brand Promise: A memorable experience.
Brand Reality: Yes, it indeed was memorable, but only for how shockingly thin the paper was. You'll notice it boasts 1000 sheets per roll. That high quantity could only be achieved by creating paper 1 micron thick:


Thin, right.


I think I ended up using one of those cups that time.


BONUS: A rerun, but only because it's funny now: