UAG

 

Some More Available But Dumb Pornstar Names

Welcome to the Valley! We’re about to start shooting your first big scene. But before cameras start rolling, you'll need to have a pornstar name– you know, a unique handle that we can tag your videos with. Here's a stripper heel shoebox full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself to any of it, but watch out– a lot of these are pretty stupid:

Him

Luis Goos, Man

Colin Oscopy

R. Kaid 

Philippe Navidad

Yass Queen

Her

Noma Larkey
Grammar Lee
Buenos Diaz

Pupa Moji

Yass Queen

Scary.

When we moved into our new house, the previous owner had left a plethora of bizarro stuff, like plastic pelican planters, 2 bowling balls in the garden, and this hideous mirror clock:


We set all that crap on the curb, and someone promptly– and thankfully– took it. So you can imagine my surprise last weekend when I was having sushi with my parents in Greenbelt, Maryland, and I spotted THIS:


Dun dun DUUUNNNNNNN!

Phrases That Work Better Typeset in Curlz MT

(with help from JOEL HIMSELF)

Less teeth, please!

I'm afraid it's malignant!

Look at my infected foot!

There's a sniper in the tower!

This pornography needs more tentacle rape!

We're all gonna fucking die in here!

I'll confess, leave me a hand!

You talkin' to me?

Yes! It IS a glory hole!

This, too, shall pass.

Scream for help all you want. This basement is soundproof.

"God hates fags."

Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.

Coprophagia Club welcomes you!

God is dead.

I just choked on my own vomit.

Time of death, 11:32 pm