The Drake/Kendrick Rap Beef Explained— Sponsored by Utz

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Wait. Wait. Wait. You mean to tell me, these POTATO chips are flavored as French fried POTATOES?!!! GTFO

Six Lies Told By The Harbor House "How To Eat Crabs" Brochure

1) "Turn the crab over, belly down and facing away from you." This step isn't necessary unless it gets you off from the power.

2) "Some people enjoy the taste of the 'mustard' and some will pick it away." The "mustard" is some of the best part, dammit! Of course it does look like someone blew their nose inside a crab.

3) The only time crabs has ever brought up on Fox & Friends is when the president described his sexual exploits during the Vietnam War.

4) "Jumbo Lump" is also known as a "FUPA"

5) Making a scared  cartoon crab out of the garnish isn't necessary.

6) The iLoveCrabs Cookbook brings back all your favorite minor celebrities like Hal Sparks and Chuck Nice to riff on crustaceans and to make unfunny seafood pop culture references.

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EADJ and SE Johnson Wax are happy to announce the 6 Lies Told Disinfectant Cleaner. With over 80 strong but natural ingredients, this cleaner disinfects 103% of bacteria and viruses in existence. Available behind the counter at your local Dollar General. Must be over 18 to purchase.

The Lyrics To "Rude Boy" by Rihanna Explained As If It Weren't Talking About Anything Dirty

Come here, rude boy, boy; can you get it up?
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: A boy who previously had been rude to Rihanna has been invited back to make amends by helping her raise a flag.

Come here rude boy, boy; is you big enough?
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: Rihanna wonders aloud if the rope to the flag is too tall for him to reach.

Take it, take it baby, baby
Take it, take it; love me, love me
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: Although she still considers the boy a "baby," he harbors a deep affection for her.

Tonight I'ma let you be the captain
Tonight I'ma let you do your thing, yeah
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: It turns out, the boy was helping Rihanna raise the flag to her boat. She has invited the boy to a nighttime trip, and has even offered to let the boy steer the boat (supervised, of course).

Tonight I'ma let you be a rider
Giddy-up, giddy-up, giddy-up babe
Tonight I'ma let it be fire
Tonight I'ma let you take me higher
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: Surprise! Rihanna and the boy have sailed to Chincoteague Island, Virginia, a famous resort island known for its wild pony rides and supervised camping with bonfires. "Higher" refers to the many birding activities at the Chincoteague National Wildlife Refuge.

Tonight, baby, we could get it on, yeah, we could get it on, yeah
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: Here, Rihanna has asked the boy's help getting a protective plastic tarp back on the boat.

Do you like it?
Boy, I want, want, want whatchu want, want, want
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: So many activities!

Give it to me, baby like boom, boom, boom
What I want, want, want is what you want, want, want
Nah nah-ah
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: Although frowned upon by the National Park Service, many campers on the island light firecrackers.

I like the way you touch me there
I like the way you pull my hair
Babe, if I don't feel it I ain't faking, no, no
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: ...Uh... tickle fights?

I like when you tell me 'kiss you there'
I like when you tell me 'move it there'
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: The boy brought some "kissing dolls" and a chess board with him. Such a good time!

So giddy-up; time to get it up:
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: They ride ponies back to the boat and raise the sail again.

you say you a rude boy: show me what you got now
Come here right now
Perfectly Not-Dirty Explanation: Rihanna accuses the boy of stealing something from her boat and demands to see what he has behind his back. And this night was going so well!

GETTING SURPRISED WHILE CLEANING!

GETTING SURPRISED WHILE CLEANING!


GETTING SURPRISED WHILE CLEANING!
GETTING SURPRISED WHILE CLEANING!


GETTING SURPRISED WHILE CLEANING!

Exciting Video Segment

My Mom & Dad clean the blinds at their house:

New York City, The Most Exciting City In the World.

Pictured below: somebody lost a kazoo on the local 6 track.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with How To Peel a Potato

Clean the potato. Hold the potato in your non-writing hand by its sides. Grip the knife handle in your writing hand, blade facing you. Curl your fingers around the handle, but not your thumb. Rest your thumb against the potato for stability. Pull the knife toward you slowly, skimming the potato skin layer off as you go. You must work carefully, maintaining complete control over the knife so as not to cut your other hand. Continue the process, rotating the vegetable to achieve the best angles for potato skin removal.

And speaking of skin removal, any of you ladies in your twenties who are spending money on chemical peels and exfoliants and whatnot, don't. I've driven quite a lot of rich girls going to senior prom who will look like leather wallets later in life. So I'm telling you, you'll regret it later in life. Just saying.