More Memorable Lines From Movies I Haven't Watched

"WTF? Are you crazy or something?"

"No, actually, I'm..."

"Bless me, Father, for I have skinned."

"That new girl from Transylvania sucks."

"Blake! These aren't homeowners at all! They... they RENT!"

"Any questions before we continue?"

"Yeah. How come none of our hair is weightless?"

"Ghost ninjas?! Are they even quieter than regular ones?"

"It's over, Bargord. I'm holding the Cursed Gem of Rohm and now wield the power over all of Gatscedia and its undead armies. Now give me the amulet of Vurturr before Pakkaria's army breaks the east wall and conjures the Soul of Teretth'eh!"

"It's my ass. The ultimate weapon is my toned ass."

"Jesus. Are you sure you don't have any pen and paper lying around?"

"Agent Morgan, I'm going to be honest. You really suck at keeping a low profile while on missions."

"I knew I shouldn't have tried a homeopathic cure for my eczema."

"Jeet?"

"Wait. Did I leave my phone in that male stripper's gutted corpse? Shit. We gotta go back."

My Mom Hates Talking Politics

Here my parents talk real estate, the Unabomber, and the Unabomber's brother. And being the evil shit that I am, I steer the conversation towards politics- which my mother hates- causing her to turn on the radio. Let's watch!

A Peek Into the Dark Mind of Obsession

So Andrew says Megan is obsessed with gorillas. EADJ sat down with Andrew and Megan for more information about her gorilla fetish. (Note: Some of these answers are fabricated to spice up the article.)

How did it start? Andrew: When Megan watched "Gorillas in the Mist," starring Sigourney Weaver.

What did she like about them? Andrew: She liked that they were gentle, misunderstood creatures.

Do gorillas eat dick? Andrew: Only if it was vegetarian dick. Or a banana in the shape of a dick. Or a dick in the shape of a banana.

So what Gorilla merchandise has she purchased? Andrew: A few books, a Valentine's Day stuffed gorilla. Also, Megan stole a copy of National Geographic because it had a feature about gorillas in it. Plus she stabbed a guy on the bus for no reason, just like a gorilla would. My name is Andrew. I wipe from the front.

Has Megan ever touched a gorilla? Megan: No

Can you imagine what it would be like? Megan: My dream is to hold hands with a gorilla.

Do you pretend that Andrew's a gorilla when you hold hands? Megan: Andrew does a good gorilla impression when holding hands. But he farts like a bull, and it sets me off on another serious stabbing rampage. My name is Megan and I once punched a horse in the nuts, cowboy-style.

Anything else you'd like to add about gorillas? Megan: We need to save the mountain gorillas, cuz there are only around 200 left.