But What If It Isn't A Harmonica?

The brochure for a performance by American Idol's Taylor Hicks in South Orange obviously shows him jamming out on a harmonica. 

But what if that weren't true? What else would that be a photo of? EADJ explores the possibilities:

Scenario 1: Taylor Hicks in the middle of a power ballad gets a massive toothache and cannot finish the part about hardening his heart and swallowing his tears.

Scenario 2: Midsong, Taylor Hicks gets a part of the microphone in his mouth and discovers that it's absolutely DELICIOUS!!!!! He proceeds to devour the microphone and just marvels at how scrumptious every bite is.

Scenario 3: Goofing around in the studio, Taylor Hicks learns that blowing his nose sounds 100% exactly like Kenny G's Selmer Mark VI Soprano saxophone. At his next live performance, he belts out "Songbird" to the lukewarm delight of the crowd.

Scenario 4: People have told Taylor Hicks that he looks exactly like George Clooney, but only if HE COVERS HIS MOUTH. Taylor notices some hot honeys in the front row of his next concert and tries his best to impress him with his George Clooney looks, minus the mouth.

Scenario 5: Taylor Hicks only THINKS he has a harmonica, but it's actually one of those Take 5 candy bars. You see, Taylor has suffered some sort of mild brain aneurysm and is now convinced that Take 5 bars are harmonicas. Play us some more blues, brain damaged Taylor Hicks!

10 Questions To Ask On The TMZ Celebrity Tour

In both L.A. and New York City, TMZ has tour buses that take tourists on a trip through "The Real Hollywood." Here now are 10 questions you can ask if you choose to go on these TMZ outings:

1) Can I have my money back?

2) Is that Samuel L. Jackson? Or is that Morgan Freeman? Or Laurence Fishburne? Or Danny Glover? Or Keith David? Great God, I'm racist.

3) Wait, stop the bus! I want to take a selfie with Kate Hudson's recycling bin!

4) Do any of you cowardly paparazzi fuckers have a soul?

5) That dude who runs TMZ- the older guy who wears tight Polo shirts- he's creepy, isn't he? You can't say he's not creepy, right?

6) Why did you kill Princess Diana?

7) On the TMZ show, how come everybody sits around the office chatting and doesn't do a lick of work?

8) Are we allowed to "bag and tag" any celebrities we spot?

9) Is Kramer driving this thing?

10) Should we have pissed away our $40 at Madame Tussaud's instead?

Perhaps A Chuck Berry Fan?

Pictured below, someone's paranoid that the flush sensor is also a TMZ camera.

A Snapshot of My Weekend

My Mom, Dad and Jeanette discuss the Tiger Woods "news" story.

The EADJ Crapcade Review: 2Balls1Cup

Today we review the iPhone game 2Balls1Cup by Eyedip (iTunes link), makers of Pig Vomit, Bust Balls, and Dung Luck. I am not shitting you.

Yes, it's pretty hard not to download something named so similarly to a certain spectacular video (NSFW), especially when it's going for a mere 99¢. So download I did and started that bad boy up.



The instruction screen confirmed my suspicion that the developers were "with it" and didn't stumble upon the game title by accident:


They did, however, decide to go with a bunch of "balls" jokes instead of referencing one girl eating another girl's shit out a cup. Wise.


The in-game music was carnival-like and irritating. The animation of the cups shuffling was crude like a web banner.




I never got to Level 3, but it's safe to assume that it contains faster shitty shuffling graphics and more "balls" jokes. Still, overall, it's a far better game than Touchballs, so I'll award this game a solid D.

An Imagined Conversation.

"Saks Fifth Avenue, Jewelry Section."

"Hi, Theresa. It's Shannon."

"Hi Shannon, what can I do for you?"

"I'm over in Housewares again, and a customer is asking about the Eduardo panini press. And since I know you used to work in this section, I thought I could ask you..."

"Cock and balls."

(pause)

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, Shannon."

"...well anyways, this customer is returning a panini press they got as a wedding gift, but since we no longer sell this model, they're wondering if they can exchange it for the cheaper brand and collect the difference."

"Well, yes. That should be fine, Shannon. All you have to do is void the Eduardo press in their registry and then apply the new price of the big dick and nutsack to the balance."

"Did you just say 'big dick and nutsack?'"

"No, I said 'cheaper panini press.'"

"No, Theresa, I distinctly heard 'big dick and nutsack.' You practically shouted it."

"Gigantic erect penis and scrotum with one testicle larger than the other."

(click)

Let's Sign the EADJ Mail Sack Up for a Karaoke Song That It Doesn't Know the Words To, So It Totally Embarasses Itself!

Submitted by J'Net, a totally grody note by some wedding shoe store:


"If shoes are returned with ANY signs of toe marks, the shoes will be considered unsellable and will be returned without refund or exchange.

As a precaution, consider washing your feet prior to trying on these new shoes, especially if you have been outdoors wearing open toe shoes."

What kind of pigfucking hillbillies are getting married these days? Wait, don't answer that, I know. The same kind who are stealing all the headlines from the CNN front page. Dumb toothless pregnant a-hole celebrity jack-fucks.