Dad Joke Alert In 3... 2... 1...

What's wrong with the fish you have now?

(Sorry.)

Spotted in Union, NJ

A bumper sticker on a minivan:



So, adding Mom to Family Court would equal no Dad. Wouldn't "Family Court = Family - Dad" make more sense, since we're actually subtracting Dad? Oh, you want to show that it's a conspiracy between the Mom and the Family Court, fine:

Mom + Family Court = -Dad

Oh, you don't want a negative value on the other end of the equation?

Mom + Dad + Family Court = Mom

Too confusing? How about this, then?

Mom + Family Court - Night Court = Bitter Dad + Confusing Bumper Sticker

EADJ ProofrEADJer, March Edition

The Off Brand T.P. Roundup: Enormous, Nutty Speed Round

The successful reboot of the Star Trek franchise has inspired us at EADJ to reboot an old favorite, The Off Brand T.P. Roundup. To breathe fresh new life into this blog bit, we've dispensed with the long, ponderous paragraphs describing every last nuance of the toilet paper on our bums and have reduced each review to a few choice words:


Brand: Tri Soft Single Ply
Texture: Like flattened barnacles
Effectiveness: Just "tri" and wipe without shrieking for help.


Brand: Red & White Bath Tissue- Tejido Fino Del Cuarto De Baño
Texture: Similar to prickly pear cacti in the Tex/Mex border.
Effectiveness: It's named "Red & White" for a reason. Just look after using.


Brand: Mont Royal, whose name implies royalty and regality.
Texture: Like the underside of a manservant's sandals.
Effectiveness: It does the job, but not without a severe beating.


Brand: Marcal 'Small Steps,' which boasts 'a small, easy step to a greener world.'
Texture: Like treebark on a roll.
Effectiveness: The name 'small steps' actually refers to how you'll walk after tearing your ass up with this.


Brand: Sanibel, which sounds like a heifer cow's name
Texture: Feels not unlike straddling a belt sander.
Effectiveness: Hard to tell through all the tears.


Brand: Emerald Premium 2-Ply Toilet Tissue
Texture: Like a Kansas tornado tore through your colon and dropped you in Oz.
Effectiveness: "If I Only Had An Ass."





Brand: Unnamed Pink Ribboned Roll
Texture: Much like a carrot grater banana seat.
Effectiveness: About as effective as praying it off.


Brand: "PS" Prime Source
Texture: Somehow less comfortable than using the wrapper it came in.
Effectiveness: 100% removal of all poop, skin.
p.s. I love you


Brand: Coral Bathroom Tissue
Texture: Like snapping off a jagged piece of rock out of the barrier reef and throwing that up your crack.
Effectiveness: I don't want to talk about it.


Brand: I know this is not off-brand, but Charmin "Basic"
Texture: Basically, a no-frills ride through Abu Ghraib.
Effectiveness: Works. Does the job. And it completely worthy of the method in which it is displayed: