Some Available (But Terrible) Porn Star Names

Congrats on your first porn shoot! We’re all ready to begin shooting your debut scene, but first we'll need you to pick a porn name to use in our end credits and IMDB. Here's a dispensary shopping bag full of porn names that you can pick from. Help yourself, but be warned– quite a few of these are stupid:

Him

Fenton L.

Lou Hanging Fruit

Taw Keenaway (from the lyrics to “Take On Me” by a-Ha)

A. Grant FromSchwab

Transthoracic Echocardiogram

Uber Driver

Moe Curly

Her

Meggin’ Strips

Preg Nancy

Amber Alert

Syphilis Diller

Gia Think?

Lunette Ick

Concertina Wyre

Rhoda Dendron

More Available Porn Names That Are Available Because They Are Terrible

Welcome to the set! We're almost ready to get started here– hope you've done your stretches. But before we get you into makeup and lubricated, I think you're going to need a porn name for the movie poster. You know, something catchy that you can use for future movies. Something you can go by when people at the video store ask for your movies. Here's a shoebox full of unused porn names so you can pick one. But hurry, we've got the lighting almost perfect!

Him

Harry Truman Doris Day

Phil I. Buster

Roe Hypnol

Stanley Cupmyballs

Her

LaTrine

Margar-eatit

Aloe Vera

Meta Data

Meg Adeth

Dyskinesia

Here Are Some More Available But Godawful Porn Names

Great job landing your first movie role, kid. But before you begin "performing" for the camera, you're going to need to tell our producers what your alias–aka porn name–is going to be. Keep in mind some of the best, most memorable porn handles have been taken already. But don't worry– we have a few unused ones lying around that you're welcome to. Be warned, though– they're pretty terrible.

Him

Beau Geste

Cumpanion Cube

Ben Ghazi

Dong Cornelius

Harold Asscrack

Shane ToMyParents

Warren G. Throbbing

Her

Lauren Ipsum

Teri Yaki

Nicorette

Bessie Mae Mucho

Bézier Curves

Lapdance Lazuli

More Available But Godawful Porn Names

If you want to become a porn star, you'll need two things: working sexual organs and a porn alias. We can't help you with the first thing, but here are some unclaimed (but terrible) porn names that you can use. Go "nuts":

Him

Z. Roe Fuchs

Bubblicious Cum

Murder He Scrote

Rob I. Tussin

Jackoff Lantern

Chip Offtheoldcock

Her

Syphilis Diller

Tami Flu

Shemale Attachment

Kaycee Masterpiece

Fentanyl

Malala Youfuckmai

Some More Available Terrible Porn Names

Congrats on joining the porn industry. We can tell you are a real go-getter and are ready to jump in with gusto (and cum). But first, you'll need a porn name for us to refer to you by. Here's a handy list of available porn names that were never claimed because they're so stupid. Have at it, sport. Pick one:

Him

Obama Kerr

Teddy Fuxpin

Hu Justjoined

Tom Agotchi

Yuri N. Alasys

Higgs Boson

Her

Summa Enchanted-Evening

Roe V. Wade

Priscillascope

Sissy Fuss

Olivia Garden Bottomless Salad

Hey! Some More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Congratulations for joining the pornographic movie industry. Your references are impeccable!

Now that you're ready to film your first scene, you're going to need a porn nickname for the call sheet. May we suggest these available (but terrible) porn names? Good luck on set!

HER:

Aida Urassa

Jess Doit

Beluga Orca

Ladesh (so you can bang ladesh)

Bridget Spinner

HIM:

Hans Onna Hardbody

Timjob

Gibbous Moon

Hairy Ass Truman

E. Rectile Dysfunction

Yet More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Wanna have a lucrative and long-lasting career in the porn industry? Well, first you're going to need a memorable alias– aka a new porn name. Most of the good ones are taken, but we scrounged up a few that were lying around because they're terrible, but help yourself:

HER:

Alopecia

Crotchtina Vibram

B. Donna Bratt

Amber Crombie & Fist

Jill Dough

HIM:

Helmut Polisher

Halal Kabobs

Hamster Dan

Otto Correct

Kidd Proquo

Some More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Face it. Your acting career isn't taking off the way you imagined after moving to LA. You've been passed over for that tomato soup commercial that would've really put you on the map. So now what? How about getting into porn? You can land a pornstar job anywhere in the Valley within 15 minutes. Alls you need now is a pornstar name. Here are a few aliases that are available, but only because they're terrible. So help yourself (and then help yourself):

HER:

Unmitigata Gall

Halley Tosis

Helvetica Wide

Anal Adams

Hannah Lay

Maga Dipshit

HIM:

Partisan Gerrymandering

Brock Holeson

Pervert Hoover

Skeevie Ray Vaughn

Abdulling Banjos

Locke Herrupp

Yes, More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Welcome to Hollywood! So you're not a very good actor but you have a great body and zero shame? Then, why not sign up to be a pornographic actor, Mr. or Ms.? You can make up to $200 a scene banging or getting banged by other people in the industry. But here's the catch: all the good porn names, so you'll have to make do with the only ones available below. Good luck!

HER:

Cambridge Analytica

Bi Felicia

Alabama Womensrights

Margo Paolo

Spinster Unfucable

Doula Oblongata

HIM:

Juan Tanamera

Username

Vape Millennial

Lou Selfesteem

Steele Yuridentity

Pu Pimoji

Yet More Available But God-Awful Porn Names

If you're an eager young actor or actress trying to get into porn, CONGRATULATIONS! You have a brief and unrewarding career ahead of you (the only industry briefer and less rewarding is advertising). But first, you're going to need a porn name. Here are a few we had lying around, but only because they're terrible. Knock yourself out:

Him

Schaden Freude
Dunning Kruger
Phil A. Mignon
Jacques Itch
Gazebo Pergola


Her

Val Holla
Shannon Nigans
Euthanasia Puppies
Crotchella 2019
Dawn Keykong
Chaka Holic

A Few More Awful But Available Porn Names

So you want to get into porn but need a name? Boy, is this your lucky day. Here are some free, available (but fucking awful) porn handles you can call dibs on for your next adult film production:


HIM

Nutt Allergies
Vance Deferens
Pygmy Ween
Seacrest In
Noah Downside
Iam Groot

HER

Valpak
Dee Pinside
Unwanta Pregnancy
Ginger Vitis
Greta Thisinthemorning
Ella VaRash

A Few More Available But Terrible Porn Names

We get it. You're young, eager to make money and don't have enough regrets in life. So you're trying porn! First thing you'll need is a name. Here are some available ones because previous porn stars thought they were too stupid. Not you, though. Have at it:

HIM

Stevia

Miles Fromfuckable

Opie Oid Epidemic

Dan De Soleil

Rectum Ralph

Marco DeBeast

HER

Stevia

Dane Jerzone

Hoda Damelevator

Paramecia Gash

Ellen M.O.P.

Sangria Retardo

Nadine DaButte

Jenny Talia

More Awful But Available Porn Names

Him

NOAH COLLUSION

Steele Dossier

Pépé Tape

Khlav Kalash

Ted Talk

Pope Benedick LXIX

Mike Aswell Hump (HUMP!)

Jack Bothofusov

Former Boom Mike Operator

Her

Kay Sera Sera
Facebook Algorithm
Michonne Accomplished
🤮🦕📎
Fannie Pack
Sigourney Beaver
Waxine Gibbous-Moon
Tyra Misu

Some More Unused Stage Names For Your Budding Porn Career

So you're young, untalented, and just moved to the Valley. Welcome to the porn industry! So, to get this party started right, you're going to have to have a handle to scroll on the film's credits that no one ever watches. Here are some unused pornstar names that you can help yourself to:

Him

Yoshinoya Balls

Potatoes O’Brien

Voldebutt

Keith Nutsweat

Sammi Conductor

Trey Upright

Edadick Joel

Her

Edda Mammay

Daraprim

Potatoes O’Brien

Asper Creme

The Atlantic Monthly

Jackie Ho Asses

Anna Phylactic Shock

A Few More Terrible Porn Names

If you're young and dumb and need some cash, porn is a good industry to get into. So before you have any second thoughts, just jump in the game and grab one of these terrible porn names that are free for the taking:

Him

Ray Cyst

Wyatt Supremacist

Paul’s Buns, Hon

Walter Top 

Shafter Noon-Delight

Wang Lo Canoodles

Her

Hollow Vera

Amica Bull

Eska Laid

Jenn O’Cide

Cher Fluids

Areola Borealis

Some More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

If you're considering entering the lucrative world of pornography to be an actor or actress, you will need the following: a camera, and a porn name. Whilst we cannot give you a camera, we can provide you a list of available (but fucking terrible) porn aliases you could use if you so chose to enter the industry. Huh huh huh huh, we just said "enter."


HER:

Urethra Franklin (thanks, Emily Kane!)

Ureter Moreno

Sarah Draftinhere

Tits Romney

Pisstina Applegape

Humpkin Spice Twattay

Anna Tomicallycorrect

Phyllis Holerighthere

Alluva Cox

Lilly Hammered

Betty Cumsfirst

HIM:

Junk Dilla

Tucker Boner

Jack Kinghoff Yurdad

Takina Dumpf

Insurance Claude

Jean-Michele Scrota

Pvt. Partz

Phil Anderer

Otto Correct

Bruce D. Ego

Reck Tal

Darius Fucker

Yet Even More Terrible Porn Names

We had an earlier entry that revealed some understandably unused porn actor names. Then we had a second entry that listed the ones that weren't even good enough to make the first cut. Here now is the third tier of rejected porn names that YOU can use for YOURSELF if you so choose to enter the pornographic film industry! Have at it, and good luck!:


HER:

Gastra Intestinal
Sarah Problemofficer
Eff Idgy
Susan B. Cumonmytits
Dawn Onernees
Frida Go
Angela Plasty
Em Plants
Listeria Crompits
B.J. Biteslikehell

Aria Rug

Spanx McFuckdog

HIM:

Kiel Basa
Pube Goldberg
Rumplestiffdick
Mayor Ed Crotch
Bernie Whenyoupee
Lefty Loosie
Bruce Bowels
Vance Deferens
Boz Deep
Aido Guystoo
Crevice Von Stinkdick

More Terrible Porn Names

Not long ago, we made a list of available (but not very good) porn stage names for people interested in getting into "the biz." Here now are more names that weren't even good enough to be included in that previous list:


HER:

Barb Akoabeef
Felony Charges
Ana L. Bedes
Maby Anothertime
Bess Knot Gudunov
Jenny Tals
Isis Hamas Al Qaeda
Betty Wontstaythenight
Alma Sparadise
Chumba Wumba

HIM:

Twink Martindale
Thomas The Stank Engine
Flip Floponissues
Jerry Mander
Newt Erred
Cumcast
Cockulus Rift
John Boehner
Sal Debain

Some Terrible Porn Names

Feel free to use any of the following unclaimed porn names in case you're getting into "the biz." But please keep in mind, these are terrible names:


HER:

H. Ivy
Ana Filactic
Tara Dactyl
Eleanor Roosevelt
Java Script
Tess Tease
Amber Alert
Roe Tissery
Lexxxxi Prude
Winnie the Pube
Preg Nancy
Exxel Spreadsheet
Roomba

HIM:

Stefan Ready
Jim Membership
Rex Yourcredit
Honoré De Ballsack
Ari U. Inyet
Father Donald O' Reilly
Jack Squat
Corey Ander
Jiminy Rickets
Iowa Caucus

The Director of "10 Vagina Victories HD" Speaks Out

Hello all

After a successful premiere at the Doffson Film Festival in Doffson, Massachusetts and a respectable turn out at a screening on the Baylor University campus, I am proud to announce that my film "10 Vagina Victories HD" has finally found a distributor!

Those of you who have stayed at a hotel lately might have noticed that my film, part-documentary and part-restaging of 10 women's struggles with society and the individual, spirit-lifting victories that they achieved via their vaginas, has become an offering on Spectravision. Unfortunately, the good people of Spectravision didn't watch my excellent documentary and instead placed it in the "Adult Movie" section of the menu, based on the title alone.

So in order to watch Jakartan activist Yimini Salva pierce her proud labia in defiance of the male-dominated parliament of Jakarta, you're going to have to scroll past "Kinky Bangkok Wives" and "100% WhiteBootyClap."

Or the cinéma vérité re-creation of migrant farmer Doris Halford smuggling medicine to wounded Revolutionary War troops in her pubic hair shares the same marquee as "Gangbang My Mom!" (in standard def, no less!)

Let me assure my viewing public, I'm not bitter that all my hard work interviewing, filming, and researching has been relegated to the dickstroke section of one's hotel TV alongside "Threeway Meat Munch" and "Motorboatin Ur Mom." I'm just glad that my humble film gets to see the light of day.

Thank you.

("Threeway Meat Munch" was pretty good, by the way.)