UAG

UAG

Beating A Dead, Frozen Shark

The Triumphant Return of the New Jersey Transit Survey Brochure

Yesterday, New Jersey Transit train cars were littered festooned with brochures announcing this year's NJ Transit Survey.

Looks like they've kept the iconic awkward photo from last year. So fans of that photo will be relieved that the visual essence of this pamphlet won't change.

One of you might wonder, how is the new survey brochure different from the previous survey brochure? Well, we'll tell you:

1) Changed starburst from eye-catching orange to camouflage-y white

2) Added ginormous block lettering

3) Added racing stripes (courtesy of West Coast Customs)

4) Either by accident or by design, the "O" in "OF" now circles the pointing hand 

5) Changed headline to 8 OUT OF 10 CUSTOMERS RECOMMEND US! headline, thus skewing the whole idea of an impartial survey

6) Changed background color from a vibrant blue to a depressed bruise purple

7) Retained stupid illegible font in URL

8) Retained godawful shit-strip of logos at the bottom

Also, inspired by the recent release of The LEGO Movie, New Jersey Transit recently announced that they are partnering with the Weinstein Company to start filming the New Jersey Transit Movie next year and have just announced the cast, which if you ask me is pretty darn spot-on:

The film is to be released early summer of 2038.

EADJ Halloween Costume Roundup

Halloween is only a few weeks away, and there are two types of people: the nerds who have been patiently preparing their costume for over 10 months in their garage, and folks who will stumble into the costume store on Halloween afternoon, desperate to take anything on sale. Before we get to that point, let's review some of the new costume arrivals at your local Halloween costume store:

But seriously, this sexy-version-of-anything trend has to stop. I don't want Gandalf or King Kong or a Fry Guy to be fuckable. Sexy ladies have PLENTY of options for costumes already- nurse, cheerleader, schoolteacher, Playboy bunny, hula girl, Indian maiden, etc etc etc.

And Jesus, what does that say about me if suddenly I do want to fuck a Fry Guy?

Possibly The Worst Idea Ever

"Hello, honey? You know how you sent me to that Victoria's Secret 'Men's Night Out' shopping event to get you something nice and sexy to wear for Valentine's? Well, I went and spent over $60, so I got VIP access to meet two of the hottest supermodels on the planet– Adriana Lima and Doutzen Kroes– and well, long story short, this is Adriana. I told her you could sleep on the fold-a-bed."

An Unseasonably Warm April

Either that, or somebody peeked at the Ark of the Covenant.