What Say You We All Say Goodbye To Stuff In Advertising!

Goodbye! Good bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye!

Exciting New Speakers at the Upcoming VidCon

Content creators and influencers, REJOICE! VidCon is back and is better than EVAR! Here are the latest new guests scheduled to appear at this conference:

• CollegeHumor talks about how their material has strayed so far from jokes about campus food and cruddy dorm rooms

• Former YouTube Jenna Marbles discusses her new life as a Mennonite

• We speak to a person who claims to actually be influenced by influencers

• Free trucker hat giveaway! What, you guys don't wear those anymore?

• One of the Good Mythical Morning hosts checks his texts for 10 minutes onstage

• Tana Mongeau makes a duckface on an IMAX screen

• Mr. Beast buys the entire convention center and gives it to a kid who happens to walk by

The AMC Stubs "Fill Any Container With Popcorn For $2" Promotion Is Canceled.

After numerous complaints and fire safety violations, AMC has discontinued its popular "Fill Any Container With Popcorn for $2" program.

Patrons—including AMC Stubs members—cannot bring the following containers in to fill with popcorn anymore:

• Wheelbarrows

• Any sarcophagus

• Bounce castles

• 1:1 scale Godzilla costumes

• train cars (boxcar and open-top hoppers)

• VW bugs

• New York 1 bedroom apartments

• walk-in refrigerators

• that wrecking ball that was used in the Miley Cyrus video (it's hollow, btw)

• any bag of holding

Hey, Bladder Medication Users!

Hello there! I just wanted to give a shout out to all bladder medication users. Not that I have anything to sell or promote to them (isn't it nice not to be advertised to for once?). And not that I myself am taking any medication for my bladder. I just wanted to say hello to all of you, a specific group of people for no reason. Wassup?

We actually don't have to talk about your respective bladders. Although I imagine since all of you have that in common, it would make for a pretty lively discussion, amirite? Ha ha. But yeah, sometimes it isn't a laughing matter and some bladder issues are pretty serious. Sometimes fatal. Okay, I'm sorry I brought it up.

So what are we left to talk about if not bladder medications or living with bladder issues? Certainly not politics, jeez. Stay far away from that minefield. 

Okay, good talk, bladder medication peeps. Catch you all on the flip side!

Some New Perks of an AMC Stubs Rewards Membership (Coronavirus Update)

Actually, nothing new. The movies are closed. Stay home, idiot.

UAG

25 Days of Hallmark Movies, Day 3: "Engaging Father Christmas"

Romance Factor: 2 out of 10

Christmas Cheer: 8 out of 10

Overall Rating: 5 out of 10

Time Until First Kiss: 00:07:39

I will not be watching Episode I or III of this trilogy.

More Awful But Available Porn Names

Him

NOAH COLLUSION

Steele Dossier

Pépé Tape

Khlav Kalash

Ted Talk

Pope Benedick LXIX

Mike Aswell Hump (HUMP!)

Jack Bothofusov

Former Boom Mike Operator

Her

Kay Sera Sera
Facebook Algorithm
Michonne Accomplished
🤮🦕📎
Fannie Pack
Sigourney Beaver
Waxine Gibbous-Moon
Tyra Misu

It's Finally Here: The EADJ Crappinema Proudly Presents "Route 30," starring Dana Delany and Curtis Armstrong

Almost a full YEAR after we announced that the EADJ Crappinema review of "Route 30" was "coming soon," we finally have a misguided, unfocused write-up of this keen, critically acclaimed film. Well fuck, what have YOU done in a year's time? Asshole.

The following is verbatim dialogue from this scene:

June: Ned! Ned, sweetie, come on! It'll be fun!

Ned: No, June! And we're out of beer!

June: I have it all set up! We can pretend it's not even in the room!

Ned: What are you talking about?

June: I swear to God, Ned. Stop being such a pussy and get up here so I can suck your cock on the video!

 Ned: Are you retarded?

 June: It's for my business. It's what I want, goddammit.

Ned: I told you, I am not doing that shit on camera, for nobody. And I'm sick of saying it.

June: Well if you're going to get in the way of our future, then I'm just going to have to find someone else to do my videos with.

Ned: What?

Okay, we're going to break format here and reveal an EADJ Crappinema first. In previous entries, we've highlighted some godawful acting performances, snarkily naming them "THE GREATEST PERFORMANCE OF ALL TIME" (See the "My Boys Are Good Boys" entry). But this time, we have to give kudos to veteran actor Dana Delany for a heartfelt and deeply moving scene where she plays Amish Martha, a young woman dealing with having desires and ambitions in her restrictive life.

Watch this shit:

Overall grade: F