Only During A Pandemic

 

Pictured above: they've finally designed a giant blender to chop up any students they detect has Covid.

GAU

Once Again, It's Time To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye & hello! Goodbye! Goodbye! Good bye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Hello! Goodbye! Goodbye! 

A Few More Awful But Available Porn Names

So you want to get into porn but need a name? Boy, is this your lucky day. Here are some free, available (but fucking awful) porn handles you can call dibs on for your next adult film production:


HIM

Nutt Allergies
Vance Deferens
Pygmy Ween
Seacrest In
Noah Downside
Iam Groot

HER

Valpak
Dee Pinside
Unwanta Pregnancy
Ginger Vitis
Greta Thisinthemorning
Ella VaRash

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

If you're looking for a twist ending, this ain't the place.

Bin Laden's Death And Its Sociopolitical Repercussions, Brought To You By Utz

(Utz Utz) Utz utz utz utz U:T:Z utz, utz utz, utz Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz- utz utz Utz Utz Utz utz utz utz utz.

"Utz utz utz utz utz– utz utz," utz Utz Utz Utz, "Utz utz utz utz U.T.Z. utz utz utz utz utz utz utz."


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Utz utz 'utz' utz utz utz utz, utz Utz utz. Utz utz-utz- u.t.z utz utz utz, utz Utz-utz-utz utz, utz utz; utz utz utz utz utz utz: utz utz utz Utz, utz utz utz, utz utz:

• Utz
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Utz utz utz utz utz utz utz utz. Utz utz utz utz utz, utz utz utz + utz utz utz = utz utz utz utz, utz. Utz, utz utz utz/utz utz utz utz! Utz (utz utz utz) utz utz utz utz.


Utz utz Utz utz utz* utz utz utz utz utz:utz utz utz utz (U)tz utz utz utz utz. Utz, utz, utz utz utz utz, utz utz Utz utz, utz utz utz $utz utz $u.tz utz utz utz.



*utz

Adopt Zuko!

Found this flyer at one of those independent coffeeshops in Brooklyn where big burlap sacks full of coffee beans are stacked around the room as if it were some goddamned general store in the Wild West.

(Click to enlarge)


But what I found interesting was this sentence in the flyer:


You're damn right his name can be changed. It can be Peter. Or Wallace. Or Frederick. Or Professor Twinkles. Shit, it could even be Osama Bin PAWden, who gives a shit. The fact is, no matter what you name it, when you call it, it ain't coming. Because cats are so infuriatingly apathetic about anything but chasing tiny things and licking their fur. Hey, Osama Bin PAWden, come here and let me scratch behind your ears! Hey, come over here! Come here, boy! Over here! Come over here! I'm calling your name, Osama Bin Pawden, why won't you come? Over here, boy! Come here! Hey, over here! Come here! Come over here, Osama Bin Pawden! Here, boy! Come here! Come here, boy! Hey, come over here! Right here, boy! That's it, come over here! Osama Bin PAWden, come over here! Over here, Osama Bin PAWden! Come here! Over here! Hey! Come over here, boy! Okay, your name used to be Zuko– here Zuko! Here boy! Zuko, come over here! Let me scratch you behind your ears, Zuko! Hey Zuko! Over here!

See? Fucking cat.