Coming Soon

A movie based on a TV show that's only showing in theaters.

It Hasn't Been A Full Month, And Already It's Time Again To Say Goodbye To All The Shit That Advertisers Want You To Say Goodbye To

Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Bye bye!

A Complete List of Things To Say At A Gender Reveal Party

1) "Oh! It's gonna be a boy! Congratulations!"

2) "Did you think it was going to be a boy?"

3) "Did you think it was going to be a girl?"

4)

5)

6)

7)

8)

9)

10-∞)

Here Are Your Job Numbers For November 18, 2019

Howdy office 2972 Corporate Drive! It's Wally, your humble beverage vendor here to refill the soda machine and water cooler in the break room AND to deliver this week's set of job numbers for your timesheets. Do remember to complete your hours by the end of the week, or else you don't get paid (but I will, because I have a contract with the building!). Anyways, here are the digits:

35595: Bait & switch

49141: Slap & tickle

03965: Rattle & hum

39002: Analyzing the Wonder Woman trailer more than you should

57657: Hiring the shitty backup babysitter

91001: Covering your nipples with Thin Mints

71321: Farting in your ceremonial robes

88421: Explaining to millennials who Kyle Minogue was

52121: Wearing the shit out of your mouse's scroll wheel

37823: Blaming your illegal behavior on the Mentos you just ate

60152: Defending "Suicide Squad" against your better judgment

83127: Claiming unreclaimed wood is reclaimed

Happy Valentine's Day From EADJ

Dear beloved readers,

Let this entry read as a personal Valentine's card, just for you.

We love you and cannot wait to spend more time with you.

We love you so much, it's distracting us from our studies.

Love,

Eat A Dick Joel

Yet Even More Terrible Porn Names

We had an earlier entry that revealed some understandably unused porn actor names. Then we had a second entry that listed the ones that weren't even good enough to make the first cut. Here now is the third tier of rejected porn names that YOU can use for YOURSELF if you so choose to enter the pornographic film industry! Have at it, and good luck!:


HER:

Gastra Intestinal
Sarah Problemofficer
Eff Idgy
Susan B. Cumonmytits
Dawn Onernees
Frida Go
Angela Plasty
Em Plants
Listeria Crompits
B.J. Biteslikehell

Aria Rug

Spanx McFuckdog

HIM:

Kiel Basa
Pube Goldberg
Rumplestiffdick
Mayor Ed Crotch
Bernie Whenyoupee
Lefty Loosie
Bruce Bowels
Vance Deferens
Boz Deep
Aido Guystoo
Crevice Von Stinkdick