Here Are Some More Available But Godawful Porn Names

Great job landing your first movie role, kid. But before you begin "performing" for the camera, you're going to need to tell our producers what your alias–aka porn name–is going to be. Keep in mind some of the best, most memorable porn handles have been taken already. But don't worry– we have a few unused ones lying around that you're welcome to. Be warned, though– they're pretty terrible.

Him

Beau Geste

Cumpanion Cube

Ben Ghazi

Dong Cornelius

Harold Asscrack

Shane ToMyParents

Warren G. Throbbing

Her

Lauren Ipsum

Teri Yaki

Nicorette

Bessie Mae Mucho

Bézier Curves

Lapdance Lazuli

Fucking Hell.

 

"Hey Tiger, let's go for a walk," he said.

"Let's get some fresh air," he said.

He gets me up from a perfectly good nap near the radiator for "a walk," which actually turned out to be a quick drive Sears so he can watch "Finding Nemo" on Blu Ray rather than another grainy episode of "CSI" on his old-school standard TV.

Walk my ass.

And now I gotta poop something fierce, but he won't let me out of his lap because this is the part where Nemo meets Dory, voiced by the incomparable Ellen Degeneres.

I'm starting to think he's forgotten that he's not at home.

I remember Ellen Degeneres starring in a movie called "Mr. Wrong," where she played a straight woman who marries a psycho dude. Weird.

Well, at least it's nice and warm in here. Can't take a nap, though, because so many people (who smell terrible, by the way) keep walking by and saying how cute I am.
Can't poop. Can't sleep. And I've already seen "Finding Nemo" three times.
Fuck me.

This Was A Web Banner.

 

Did I click on it? Well, let's just say I know a few more things about cuttlefish. Like, did you know that cuttlefish bone is filled with gas? Cuttle-bone (the things you see in bird cages) has small chambers and like a submarine, filling or releasing the gas in them controls the cuttlefish's buoyancy!

As for the accompanying photo, I think Britney Spears or whoever the hell needs to get a fanny pack to carry her Fruit Roll-Ups like a proper lady.

Here's To Not Separating Bullshit From Work

A big shout-out goes to Todd C for bringing up the Eat a Dick Joel blog in an internal Yellow Pages meeting.

Up next: Todd dropping EADJ's name in the Thursday client meeting in Denver. With clients there. Clients.