Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the French Bulldog

Me: the Australian Shepherd

Hey pretty eyes! I was watching you over by the dog ramp and thought we could maybe get together without the owners. My dog walker leaves me alone at the house on Thursdays! ;)

You: the cute Cocker Spaniel

Me: the dashing Border Collie/Beagle mix

We had a moment over by the tree, making eye contact while BOTH PISSING. Classic, right? Call me!

You: the Doberman puppy

Me: the dog named Sandy

I know I don't look like a puppy, but I'm pretty young. So it won't be like I'm robbing the cradle or anything if you and I dated LOL! Anyways, you seem cute and I could show you some new sexual stuff.

You: the Japanese Chin (or Papillon?)

Me: the Brussels Griffon with the jingle bell collar

Sup pretty. Your butt smelled interesting, so I thought I'd hit you up. Let me know if you want to go to the Blur reunion show at the Hollywood Bowl in October. I got tickets.

Here Are Some More Available But Godawful Porn Names

Great job landing your first movie role, kid. But before you begin "performing" for the camera, you're going to need to tell our producers what your alias–aka porn name–is going to be. Keep in mind some of the best, most memorable porn handles have been taken already. But don't worry– we have a few unused ones lying around that you're welcome to. Be warned, though– they're pretty terrible.

Him

Beau Geste

Cumpanion Cube

Ben Ghazi

Dong Cornelius

Harold Asscrack

Shane ToMyParents

Warren G. Throbbing

Her

Lauren Ipsum

Teri Yaki

Nicorette

Bessie Mae Mucho

Bézier Curves

Lapdance Lazuli