Another List of Shit That's Objectively Cuter Than Ariana Grande

Popstar Ariana Grande has built a career on batting her eyelashes and looking adorable. This blog can acknowledge her cuteness but would like to suggest a few things that happen to be way cuter than she. Here are some:

• Any Funko Pop figurine

• Kittens riding tiny tricycles

• Any infant with googly eyes on their forehead

• A slice of Pizza Hut Personal Pan Pizza on a girl's plastic teacup saucer.

• Rabbits yawning

• Your excuses for not working out

• Granny shots

• Cartoon hockey pucks with arms and legs

• When chimps make that heart thing with their hands

• A Terminator made from Duplo blocks 

• Chip from "Beauty & The Beast"

Hey! Some More Unused, Terrible Porn Names

Congratulations for joining the pornographic movie industry. Your references are impeccable!

Now that you're ready to film your first scene, you're going to need a porn nickname for the call sheet. May we suggest these available (but terrible) porn names? Good luck on set!

HER:

Aida Urassa

Jess Doit

Beluga Orca

Ladesh (so you can bang ladesh)

Bridget Spinner

HIM:

Hans Onna Hardbody

Timjob

Gibbous Moon

Hairy Ass Truman

E. Rectile Dysfunction

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

 

Oh, he's one of those blow-smoke-on-my-album-cover rappers. Yawn.

MAGIC MARKER RENDERED FART!

Who who who cares cares cares.

I wouldn't buy cocaine from these jokers- shit could be baking soda. Heck, I wouldn't buy baking soda from them, either- could be baking soda.

Eye-catching. Creepy. And just barely infringing on copyright. It's perfect.

OPEN ALL NIGHT. Parking in the rear, obv.

What The Woman On the Insta-Screen Bug Screen Box Is Thinking

• One sip of this poisoned tea, motherfucker, and I will be free of you forever.

• Yeah, yeah. Juliette Binoche. I get that a lot.

• My mouth is smiling, but my eyes are shooting daggers through this cheap, Chinese-made bug screen.

• Scientology has made my life bearable, especially since achieving OT VII.

• Sure, drop your kid off for a playdate with my kids. It's not like I'm a babysitter or anything.

• SUN DRIED TOMATOES ON EVERYTHING

• There are not enough blogs out that that have lasted over 10 years.

And 20 More Things That Are Cuter Than Ariana Grande

This is part of an irregular but ongoing series.
The two previous entries are here and here.

International pop star Ariana Grande will have you believe- by batting her eyelashes, looking coyly over her shoulder, or biting her lip- that she is the cutest thing since sliced baby bread. We're here to suggest otherwise. And here are 20 more things that are easily cuter than Miss Grande could ever hope to be:

1. Manga bunnies in shorts
2. Ewoks falling over
3. A koala in a track suit
4. An infant hanging on the hood of a speeding car
5. The Pleiades star cluster on certain nights
6. The Airbnb logo
7. Barbie's tiny smartphone
8. An Eskimo child learning to ride a bike
9. A baby dressed like BB-8
10. Baby chicks standing around a miniature conference table as if they're having a meeting
11. Pizza bites packaging
12. A terrified gerbil stuck inside a violin that someone's playing
13. Any 3 year old trying to pronounce the word "swagadocious"
14. "Hamilton" Broadway cast bobbleheads
15. When the janitor brings her daughter into work to help empty the trash cans at 3am
16. Mermaids in diapers
17. Dorf in a kimono
18. Gleek
19. The molecular model for sugar
20. The kid version of MC Serch in 3rd Bass's video for "Pop Goes The Weasel:"

The ProofrEADJer: Almost Halloween Edition

This week: several people have trouble spelling "cashew:"

The ProofrEADJer: Goodbye May Edition

This next one took a minute to understand. "Tombstone Sipeet?" Judging from the "Spooky Lane" below it, I figured the one above it should read "Tombstone Street," but some Chinese worker read the letters wrong and hand-wrote "Sipeet" instead.

Choo choo choo choo, Nikki Train, comin' through!

(pictured above, Drunk? Check. Cutter? Check. Abandoned rehab? Check)