More Mall Kiosks And What Their Attendants Are Probably Thinking

Annabel at the Girl Scout Cookie kiosk in the Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg, IL

• Fuck, I think I tore my ACL.

• My daughter better appreciate that I'm selling these for her.

Devin at the iRepair Expert kiosk in Pacific Place in Seattle, WA

• I'll need to sell 300 more phone cases to make rent this month.

• I bet I could pee my pants and no one would notice.

Hamza at the Soccer International kiosk in The Mall at Millenia in Orlando, FL

• If someone stabbed me in the chest with a CapriSun straw, could they drink my blood?

• I know all the words to Aerosmith's "Walk This Way". I wish someone would ask me to recite it all.

Tina at the TOYZ kiosk in the Russellville City Mall at Millenia in Russellville, AR

• This "Dune 2" movie is terrific.

• Wait, how many hours have I been away from the kiosk?

Dante at the Detroit Fragrance Company kiosk in the Grand Teton Mall at Millenia in Idaho Falls, ID

• My roommate better have folded the common area futon by the time I get home.

• I could take pretty much any man in this mall.

More Available Porn Names That Are Available Because They Are Terrible

Welcome to the set! We're almost ready to get started here– hope you've done your stretches. But before we get you into makeup and lubricated, I think you're going to need a porn name for the movie poster. You know, something catchy that you can use for future movies. Something you can go by when people at the video store ask for your movies. Here's a shoebox full of unused porn names so you can pick one. But hurry, we've got the lighting almost perfect!

Him

Harry Truman Doris Day

Phil I. Buster

Roe Hypnol

Stanley Cupmyballs

Her

LaTrine

Margar-eatit

Aloe Vera

Meta Data

Meg Adeth

Dyskinesia