Hail Satan?

 

Spotted on a garden hose-connected sprinkler pad thing, some fun graphics with numbers, animals and shapes:

Except one with a star labeled as a pentagram? That doesn't sound right.

So I googled "Is a star a pentagram?" and found this:

So I guess it's technically correct but sounds weird. Could'a just written the word STAR, you foreign toy makers. 

"Circle. Triangle. Pentagram." You fucking weirdos.

Another EADJ Off-Brand T.P. Round-Up

Lord. How many of these have we had? Don't answer that.

Brand: Rensow Bath Tissue

Brand Imagery: Piss Yellow Label with Ugly Blue Swoosh

Brand Promise: A light swab at your nethers

Feels Like: Straddling a giant Q-Tip made of steel wool

Brand: Prime Select

Brand Imagery: A hurricane symbol?

Brand Promise: A swift, airy cleaning

Feels Like: Pointing a leaf blower at your anus

Brand: Classic

Brand Imagery: Pink abstract decorative swashes

Brand Promise: Softness and class

Feels Like: Wiping your asshole's tears at a rest stop 

Brand: Blank

Brand Imagery: None

Brand Promise: None

Feels Like: A hostage exchange on paper

Brand: Genuine Joe

Brand Imagery: White stripes on a blue band

Brand Promise: Efficiency, and nothing more

Feels Like: Joe hates your ass

Comic Strip Where The Last Panel Is Always A Remote Oil Rig

Say, Why DID Jesus Come To Earth?

1) Because Callisto, one of the major moons of Jupiter, had fewer disciples to recruit.

2) For the cashews. Admit it- THEY ARE DELICIOUS.

3) Because he was legally obligated to appear on Earth per this contract with the William Morris Agency.

4) Because Jesus needed a place to crash.

5) Because the nearest CVS Photo was located on Earth.

6) To get the band together with Jason Newsted and James Hetfield in time for Ozzfest.

7)  Someone sent him an invite, so he figured what the hell.

8) Groupon.

9) To give the apostle Paul some new material to work with.

10) To avenge the death of S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Phil Coulson.



See you in Hell!