Mildy Interesting

Air Fryer, Air Jordan, Air Fryer.

Upcoming Feature Films Based on Air Freshener Names

Hollywood, now completely out of ideas, continues to scour every last part of the modern world for movie script sources–the latest being the air freshener aisle at your local CVS. Major movie studios are in fact in a bidding war for the rights to the different air freshener flavors to release as movies. Here are the latest upcoming titles:

"Fresh-Pressed Apple" starring Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Gillian Jacobs.

Two rival apple farmers go to war over the heart of an attractive young horticulturist who just moved into town. Directed by Adam McKay.

"Linen Escape" starring Megan Fox, Adam Scott and Don Cheadle

A blanket businessman (Cheadle) is confronted by two criminals (Fox and Scott) who are trying to use his credentials to rob the bedding convention he's attending. Also starring Ed Helms as the CEO of MyPillow.

"Elegant Amber & Oud" starring Rami Malek and Amber Heard

This sweeping cross-cultural romance stars Malek as Oud who woos Amber (Heard) with his impressive stringed instrument technique. Set in the romantic Saudi city of Tabuk, it captures the beauty and wonder of Arabic nightlife as experienced by a basic white girl.

"Blue Odyssey" starring Jeremy Renner, Viola Davis and Don Johnson

A charter boat captain (Renner) is paid a small fortune to take a mysterious woman (Davis) to an off-the-map island, no questions asked. He quickly finds himself in a web of intrigue involving the mafia, NASA, the Pillsbury Doughboy (voiced by Don Johnson) and fourteen Del Taco workers. Rated R

"Mediterranean Lavender" starring Kate Hudson, Emily Browning and Regina King

 A bachelorette party in Barcelona goes off the rails when the club they're partying in gets taken over by ecoterrorists, headed by Peter Stormare. They make weapons out of what they have on hand–champagne glasses, silverware, and a giant joke dildo–to fight back. Rated PG-13 for language and a giant joke dildo.

"Blood Orange" starring Zendaya, Emma Roberts, Ansel Elgort and Robert Pattinson

A remote orange farm in the town of Limeira, Brazil is the setting for this moody, dark murder mystery. A farmer's daughter is found murdered, and her fiancé has no alibi, but there's more to this story... Soundtrack by Tati Zaqui and Kevinho.

"Aqua Exhilaration" starring Zac Efron, Mckenna Grace, John Boyega and Zoë Kravitz

Four carefree dumbasses sit in a parking lot throwing water at each other. Running time: 150 minutes

Some Brand New Perks For Being An AMC Stubs Card Member!

The perks just keep poppin’ at AMC for Stubs Rewards members. Thanks to new partnerships, here are the latest benefits you can can enjoy by signing up now:

 •  Maria Menounos will annoy you in person with movie trivia, behind the scenes vignettes and fun film quizzes.

• We will provide you a solid murder alibi.

• If you’re mostly finished with your popcorn bucket, you can piss in it so you don’t miss any of the movie.

• Free bowling ball-size wad of bleu cheese

• If you call any other patron a pussy, we got your back if shit starts to go down.

•  Any of our staff will be happy to send you dick pics if you give us your number.

• If you angrily complain to us that the movie’s events are nothing like how it happened in the comic book, we will pretend to care.

• We will pick you and your lovely wife Amal up in our exclusive Stubs private charted schooner, where we will sail beyond your Lake Como home to the charming province of Lecco for a romantic dinner and seats at the World Climate Summit (George Clooney only).

• Someone in our fine staff will explain what the fuck that Shen Yun show really is.

A Brief Message From The National Book Council

Reading on a Nook makes you look like an asshole.


This has been a brief message from the National Book Council.

Crime and Punishment.

You know what's more annoying than the fact that the titles of Grey's Anatomy episodes are popular song titles? When somebody 'borrows' something from your desk and doesn't tell you. I come back from a 4-hour lunch yesterday and LOOK. Something's missing from my desk! Where the flock is my tape dispenser?


One of the CD's on another account works across the hall from me. He's a lovely, marvelous guy, but I remembered him borrowing my stapler the other week and not returning it. So it was safe to assume he borrowed it? Yes. And not only that, but you can see in the background of the shot below, his EMPTY tape dispenser.


He also used enough of my tape to pretty much end the roll. So that's no good.


My punishment for him? I take back my tape dispenser and leave a CD of terrible music on his desk. Take that!

All Hands On Dick, Joel.

These weird air freshener sheets were spotted at a nearby car wash:


Some were scented "mango," "peach," and even "African Sunset." And then there were these:



Loony Superman with a perm gives it a thumbs down!