Jesus, Temu. Are You Okay?

I don't even know where to begin. The bizarre A.I. Pixar woman. The multiple penis plushies. The fact that six of them is listed as "1pc".

Hard pass.

How The Mighty Van Halen.

Spotted in CVS, one of the coolest guitar paint jobs in the history of rock 'n roll is relegated to a lousy paint chip for some broadway play Press On nails.

The EADJ Sticker Show, Entry 3

Here's the semi-seasonal EADJ wrap-up some interesting stickers we've seen around town and their true meaning, courtesy of some Internet snooping.

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Shake Junt sticker spotted in Union, New Jersey.

Smoothie joint or line of hair care products?


Shake Junt is a skateboarding company from L.A., founded by Shane Heyl and is part of Baker Boys Distribution.

From Urban Dictionary: "Not JUST a brand, but a lifestyle. One which is filled with blunts, 40's and skating with the homies. The brand was started by the homies for the homies, and it what skating is all about."


They also feature a Spring 2012 catalog selling everything from DVDs to shirts to skateboard grip tape, marijuana leaf Hawaiian shirts, knapsacks, 40 oz coozies and yes, stickers.


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Cody B. Ware sticker spotted in Brooklyn.

Wrestler mag or political movement?



Neither. It's a rapper. And he's not too bad, either. "Cody B. Ware is Cody Morgan Verdecias. A 23 year old dreamer from the spirit world who represents Brairwood Jamaica, Queens. The child of interracial parents. Half Spanish Half Jewish. Hopeless Romantic keeping my PMA on high. My mother gave me my birth name & Graham Masser (Bad Rabbits) blessed me with the name of Cody B. Ware."



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Forever Is Fleeting sticker spotted in Princeton, New Jersey.

Since it's got a myspace URL, I'm going to guess terrible rock band.


Bingo. This scrappy unsigned group of musicians from Lower Bucks, Pennsylvania, feature three songs on their page: "Restart My Heart [NEW!]" "Take Advantage [NEW!]" and "Miles (Acoustic Version)."

They added their newest member, Alison Cloud(keyboard and vocals) sometime in 2010.


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Stoke Harvester sticker spotted in Seattle.

Organic food co-op or skateboard company?


Skateboard company. They sell skimboards, paddle boards, surfboards, skate gear and wetsuits. And the requisite trucker hat.



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Pat Falco can jump this high spotted in Midtown.

Underground shoe company or graffiti artist?


Turns out Pat Falco is sort of the latter. "Pat Falco is an artist, rapper, and curator. He has several redeeming qualities and is considered by his mom to be 'her son.'

Pat Falco is a cartoonist, rapper, t-shirt designer and frequent blogger. So it's no surprise that he's also a self-promoter.

The black figure with his penis hanging down is a character in his ongoing comic strip.


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Dolphins Rape People spotted in Soho.

Ironic skateboard company or sketch comedy troupe?



Neither. It's actually, quite literally, a group of people wanting to "reach out to the victims of dolphin rape and share their stories with the world."

"This is no laughing matter. We must all band together to stop the atrocity that is dolphin rape."

They even documented the world's various dolphin rape cave locations.


And they're selling more stickers at 2 for 5 bucks.
Mmm. Maybe it is a sketch comedy troupe, just trolling.

Malthusian, Norse God Of Onanism

Pictured below, Thor wants you to touch his "hammer."

Penis And Vagina Mugs Found In Jersey Shed

So I found these two beauties in the backyard toolshed sometime last year- yet another treasure left by the previous homeowner.


And while Andrew (while visiting us) was impressed by them, here is J'Net's reaction to the aforementioned items:



Meanwhile, in the shitty movie "Land Of The Lost:"

AWESOME YouTube Comment O' the Fortnight

Found on a YouTube page featuring the "Penistron," wherein a Japanese inventor displays the "perfect mechanical vagina," a comment by filmchild:


5 Words:

Accidentally. Rip. Your. Dick. Off.

Applied Mathematics

Many people may wonder, "How big is Kate Hudson in comparison to Sarah Jessica Parker?" Well, we at EADJ have used simple algebra to find out:

We keep Matthew McConaughey as a constant (with a value of X), and we assign a value to Kate Hudson (KH) and Sarah Jessica Parker (HF).

KH(X) = Y*HF(X), where Y is the scale of Kate Hudson to Sarah Jessica Parker.


We overlay Matthew McConaughey on himself, thereby cancelling himself out.
So KH= Y(HF)


We can now see the relationship between KH and HF. We actually had to scale Sarah Jessica Parker down by 5%, so the value of Y=.95. It also creates either a super-hot lesbian movie or something that makes my penis dive into a wood chipper.

This Week In "Mentally Draw A Penis Here"

(Submitted by Joel HIMSELF:)



Or print this page out and draw a penis for real. Like I give a shit.

Let's Eat the EADJ Mail Sack's French Fries While It's Driving Out of the Drive Thru!

Submitted by Beth Stone, proof that she has a filthy mind:

Who's Joan, Vince?

I was perusing my Junk Mail folder today and found an email from a "Joan Solivan." The message dispensed with any introductions or context, so I assumed that Vince Soliven had at one time already introduced us.


The subject title said "Perfect information for you and your girlfriend, powder lambda." So apparently Vince had also introduced us sometime before March when J'Net and I got married, because Joan hadn't heard about my new status. Not really sure about "powder lambda," whether that was a little inside joke that she and J'Net had shared, or whether that's just some peculiar way she signs her emails.

Joan must still live in the Philippines, because her grasp on English is awkward. The first sentence, "Best solution for mens from 28 up to 84 y.o." sort of makes sense, but the second sentence (tabbed 8 paragraphs down) devolves into incoherent rambling:

"harass, frisky agape.cot wader hosta.speed, turret inkpot.cubist digs fetch.rash, words hurl.finery doubts shoddy.kiev, preamp motley.pays crowd proof.sludge, deep attic.gauges gin ales.mime, satyr puffin.imps lessor lambda.cape, enough aaron.herd palmed baked.corn, bearer mitt.cruder chokes daze.suit, rebus flue.urn tugela cute.vector, covets avian.sneer closet overdo.frozen, shows trowel.herein bud clench.rector, iodide oath.abloom peels dints.safely, lackey resist.handy vowed acrid.occur, tannoy cress.doors slugs wince.kernel, feuds indite.compel wings soudan.arced, cystic mink.bards owning marks.patted, kissed guinea.bubbly chars to.capers, warms overs.petit hinged lien.nearby, deuces wharfs.kith truck mitred.verve, washer flawed.air topple marred.berets, penury preens.morass entrap beasts.lulls, steel puppet.purely morrow rises.banked, whack tyke.burble kidnap czar.cries, sylph bissau.glebe evolve ozone.bays, cased pox.gaul vinyl sigma.dale, titled mace.recite grinds pitch.threw, wifely muster.throb sagely mettle.excise, edgier adopts.junk doers midair.gallop, paling mom.proxy tragic blared.bel, prams coop.decoke upon slopes.meows, hitler orders.eureka wetly lissom.primal, mists plural.tipple parks will.batted, kaftan turfs.primal doings cutler.winger, furls murmur.pizazz lemurs faces.nutmeg, mouse pod.firmly jailer exited.styles, chewed adds.hod adages saver.impend, finis shekel.swags cheery jeans.funds, dun sunday.audit toned pimp.dank, glided curly.masted silts blocky.woods, nixon grimly.giro drools grog."

And sure, she does make a few good points. I'll concede that "Aaron Herd palmed baked corn," and "steel puppet purely morrow rises," but I find it pretty offensive for her to claim that "Hitler orders Eureka wetly."


While I applaud Joan's attempts to use English and meet new people, I don't particularly like a stranger giving me unsolicited marital advice about me and my beautiful wife, Powder Lambda. So Vince, please tell your friend Joan to leave me alone.

Some phrases that the male characters in "Brothers and Sisters" use that no one with a penis would say.

One show J'Net really, really likes is Brothers and Sisters on ABC. In case you haven't heard of it, it's this schmaltzy family drama where people talk as if they're all in one huge therapy session. All the kids are grown, so they can all talk maturely to one another (and their parents) with "clever" dialogue about how their relationships have evolved and all. Some plinky piano music plays during really poignant moments of realization, and then I go to the kitchen to jab a corkscrew into my eye. Here are some examples of the type of dialogue you can expect from the male characters:

"You're really lucky you've got Julian in your life."

"That is a recipe for disaster."

"Sometimes I think you're just distancing yourself from the things you really want."

"Tell you what, little brother, I'll take care of it. But you owe me big, buddy."

"I've had an epiphany, Karla."

"Give me some time alone. I need to be mad at you for a while."

"Do you want to make love again?"

"It's not that I resent him for being successful, it's just that I feel like life owes me more."

"My vagina itches!"

"Dad, we're never going to find common ground. Let's just agree to disagree, okay?"

And then cut away to commercials for Jenny Craig and that shampoo that makes you cum.

The EADJ Mail Sack is brimming to the rim with deposits.

Vince submitted this comp drawing he made for a Corona ad. Marshall reportedly gaped at the huge vagina that Vince drew in the curtains. I don't see it.

Eat This, Joel

(pictured above, the Unfortunate Logo of the Month: Jack Link doesn't realize his logo looks like a naked black dude from the waist down)

Save the Cheerleader. Eat the Dick.

Joel is a big fan of "Heroes."

He gets hard whenever the Hiro character raises his arms. His nuts ache whenever Hayden Panetierre breaks her neck. His glans penis pulsates whenever Sendhil Ramamurthy as Mohinder Suresh does his mystical-but-not-really-saying-anything-profound voiceover.

So when Joel heard that "Heroes" was going to be back on April 23, he was so excited that he sexually molested a traffic cone and forgot to eat the dick sitting on his TV tray. Joel took the rest of the day rebuilding the James Kyson Lee shrine that he had knocked over in his excitement.

But seriously, "Heroes" is pretty cool.

(pictured above, filling in for Pat Hanna, Tyra comments on Jessica's latest KeyBank newspaper layout)