Okay, CVS, A Few Things...

When I'm purchasing feminine hygiene products or sanitary protection, I need your coupons to be worded CORRECTLY and CLEARLY, otherwise you're sending me on a fool's errand. What's the $5 about?

Secondly, "expires 07/01/2013?" Like, don't I have at least a month before you force me to spend this coupon? It's not like my vagina is bleeding right now.

Thirdly, could you be wasting more paper with your four-yard-long receipts? Stop deforesting the world and leave some trees for the feminine hygiene and sanitary protection companies. Jeez, greedy.

Ask Dr. Fish

Dear Dr. Fish,

Sometimes when I am doing yoga (especially coming out of the plow pose), my body suddenly passes air out of my vagina making a fart-like sound. It’s embarrassing when in a room full of other people! I tried keeping my pelvic muscles tight (because this has happened before, though luckily it was in my living room) when lowering my legs down in an attempt to stop this from happening, but no luck. Do you have any suggestions, is something wrong with my insides, and does this happen to other people?

Thank you for your help!
Sue Pine in Scoville

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Dear Sue,

Uh, I'm not sure how to answer this question. First of all, I am a fish, so that means I know nothing about yoga. And secondly, this question isn't exactly medical related, which is good, because I'm not really a licensed physician, so I wouldn't have been able to answer any question of that nature, either.

Hope this helped!
Dr. Fish

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Dear Dr. Fish,

I suffer from recurring vaginal yeast infections. My doctor gave me an oral antiyeast medicine for it and a cream to apply. In addition, he gave me something to stop the itching. It seemed worse after the treatment, so the doctor gave me five more days of the oral medicine. What would you suggest if it comes back again? Could it be something I am eating or taking?

Thanks in advance,
N.F. in Scoville

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Dear N.F. in Scoville,

I would definitely bring it up with your current doctor, mainly because I am not a real doctor. I am actually just a fish in a doctor's outfit. And by the way, if I had a vagina and it itched that much, I would follow those prescriptions to a motherfucking T.

Cheers,
Dr. Fish

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Yo, Dr. Fish,

Did you know "vagina" is a Latin word meaning "a sheath or scabbard?" A scabbard into which one might slide and sheath a sword, wink wink. But the sword need not be a penis; our vaginas were sheaths of power and worth celebrating! Here's to vagina power!

Margaret Cho (not the comedienne) in Scoville

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Dear Margaret,

What the fuck is going on here, people?! Why are all these questions about vaginas?! And that last one wasn't even a question. Is this some juvenile crack at how vaginas smell like fish or something, because I do NOT appreciate it. I am here to answer legitimate questions about medical problems, although I am not a medical doctor and am in fact just a humble fish. Also, what the sam shit is up with all of you coming from Scoville? Where is that?

Jesus Christ.
Dr. Fish

A Response.

Dear Eat A Dick Joel Enterprises,

It has come to our attention that your blog's writer(s?) disapprove(s?) of vagina-shaped logos, saying they're ill-suited for representing one's business. We could disagree more. There is nothing wrong with the yonic shape of the female genitalia. After all, we were all birthed from one. Or in the case of us who were born Caesarian, we were conceived through one. Or in the case of us who were fertilized in vitro AND were born Caesarian, uh, never mind that group. Those are fucking freakjobs.


Anyhoo, we at Kayak.com would just like to defend our logo against your snide remarks. Although our logo is obviously based on a kayak shape with a nice visual pun of an eye to reinforce our search capabilities, the fact that it happens to resemble a woo-woo does not detract from its beauty or relevance. Hell, all of us could use a little poontang when traveling, am I right, fellas? LOL!


But seriously, the sexual repression that graphic design has been under is starting to erode. Women are being prouder of their genitals than ever. The yonic shape is starting to be a popular element not only in design but in pop culture as well. Just look at David Cook's new album cover:


In summary, blah blah blah blah pussy logo good blah blah lazy blah blah,

Sincerely,
Henry Paulson,
President of Kayak.com and United States Treasury Secretary

My Joel Overfloweth.

Some selections from Joel's suggestion box posted outside the apartment complex clubhouse:

Hey Joel, how about not eating dick so late in the night by the pool. Some people on the ground floor are trying to sleep!

Joel– i am a 42 year old mother of 2. Your activites are inappropriate for young children, so I am having them sent to their grandmother. Now I can party with you, hot body!

my name is Queromo. i from venezuelan. you eat my dick last saturday and now i hab silverfish in my home. you should bathe

HeyJoel: How about Yoohoo in the vending machines? I know the machines aren't refrigerated, but i don't think Yoo Hoo needs to be refrigerated, does it? Please? Or are you not even in charge of the drink machines? Fuck off!

SUGGESTON: ALL OF US NEED TO LEARN TO USE SPELLCHECK

Hello. My name is Andrew Gall. No suggestion here. Porkchop sandwiches! Look at all your different colored hats!

(pictured above, Tom Weingard goes window shopping)

All Hands On Dick, Joel.

These weird air freshener sheets were spotted at a nearby car wash:


Some were scented "mango," "peach," and even "African Sunset." And then there were these:



Loony Superman with a perm gives it a thumbs down!

The EADJ Mail Sack is brimming to the rim with deposits.

Vince submitted this comp drawing he made for a Corona ad. Marshall reportedly gaped at the huge vagina that Vince drew in the curtains. I don't see it.