An Imagined Conversation

"Jake, Nathan, put your shoes on."

"Yay! Are we going to go play pickleball?"

"No, you're going with me to a photoshoot."

"But we don't want to be models like you, Dad!"

"I want to be an MMA fighter!"

"Just this once, boys. I got a callback for a lifestyle shoot for CVS."

"Aw man."

"No, Nathan. It's gonna be fun. All we have to be is the adult son and the two grandkids of the main model, who's receiving their CVS prescription."

"So we just stand there?"

"Yeah. To show that we're supportive family members when our elders need us. Like how I need you two to come along with me on this shoot instead of wasting time at the pickleball court."

"Aw man."

The Vast World of Fisher Price Little People

Fisher Price Little People have expanded way beyond what you may have grown up with. You can get pretty much any character in a cute, compact Fisher Price version:

So you can now conceivably create a Nativity scene where Homelander, Blanche Devereaux, Cosmo Kramer, Moira Rose, Captain Raymond Holt, Keith Richards, and Megatron visit the Baby Jesus in the manger. Hey, why not?

Spotted at Stop and Shop

Wait a minute. You mean to tell me the Manning brothers were professional football players and NOT professional models? But they're so photogenic!

Spotted In Union, NJ

Pictured above, a driver whose interactions with others forced them to purchase FOUR different bumper stickers with the same message.

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Zo wanted to make a good impression on his first day as a welder by showing up at 5am on Sunday although the shop opens at 9am. On Tuesday.

Serengeti got in serious trouble with his 14 year old sister when he was caught stealing her art school sketchbook for an album cover (She's a huge Steven Seagal fan, apparently).

You have no idea how badly Joe would like one of those crew neck cardigans from J.Crew right now.

Are these guys on a fishing trawler? Or are they supposed to be arctic explorers? Even Drake is confused.

"Okay, Rocko, K-Major, and Ralph... sorry, Yung Ralph, this is your first major release from Grown Men Entertainment, and I want you guys to think long and hard about the title of this album, because first impressions are important and all..."

ANNOUNCEMENT: DJ KAY D and DJ PEXCLUSIVEZ HAVE OFFICIALLY TAKEN OVER BARBIE'S PURPLE HIGH SCHOOL PLAYSET. SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED

Ah, nuts. Action Bronson invites a couple of nice girls he met in the lobby up to his room for some drinks and "Burt Wonderstone" on Pay Per View, and they wreak havoc in the bathroom. Man, the Doubletree is going to hate Action Bronson after this.

If "Drizzy" is back for the fifth time, why doesn't Drizzy just move in and stop transporting his toothbrush and contacts case in his little man purse back and forth like a goddamned gigolo? And who turned down the dimmer in this place?

Dummmmmb.

As borrowed interest goes, Jadakiss does pretty well by modeling himself after the intriguing millionaire Jay Gatsby. The three problems being 1) Jay Gatsby is a tragic loner of a figure; 2) "Rapsby" is a horrible pun to float out there; 3) I'm pretty sure Jadakiss hasn't lost that much weight in his midsection last time I checked.

Why is J. Cole's photo in so many confusing mixtape covers? He's like "Whoa whoa whoa there. Shit is exploding around us, so are we standing on the top of a skyscraper or on the deck of a floating platform? And what does this have to do with the 'World War Z' novel? It has almost no connection other than the title- just like the movie. Did you see that movie?"

Money Boy. Where to begin here. Maybe I believe that this German rapper's midsection is that thin, but I don't think that's a real patterned suit. Plus, nice job photoshopping nude models into a photo of the back of a local Victoria's Secret.

Here now is a sample of Money Boy's flow, just in case you were wondering:

"What? Your guess is as good as mine. Songversation? Meh." *shrug*

This LEGO minifig shows just enough detail of Lil' Wayne's tattoos and dreadlocks while staying disturbingly toylike with its lobster-like claw hands and face. And I can't believe I missed the first three Lil Tunechis.

This is the album cover to Starlito's CD, entitled "Cold Turkey." GET IT?!

Please, no more phone calls or solicitors at this address. The Ying Yang Twins are clearly in session with plenty of ass here. Can't you read the sign? No, don't even leave Chinese Menus on the doorknob. They will not have time to order in with all the ass in this particular session. Sorry.