"Where There is No Struggle, There is No Pathmark."

Dog Park Missed Connections

The following Missed Connections were posted by dogs that visited the Bucks County Core Creek Dog Park in Langhorne, PA:

You: the handsome Dalmatian with the green collar

Me: the shy Collie with the powder blue harness

Hi Dalmatian! You seemed so thrilled to be running around the park that you stepped in my poop. Call me?

You: the light colored cocker spaniel

Me: the Lhasa Apso

Our noses touched at the water bowl. You seemed intrigued. I'll literally smell ya later.

You: woof woof

Me: woof woof woof

Woof woof woof *pant* woof woof woof woof *sniff sniff* woof woof woof woof woof woof, woof!

15 Pathmark Could Save You 15% Or More On Car Insurance.

Here Are Your Timesheets For The Month of June

Hello everyone.

Sorry for the ALL AGENCY email, but I wanted to remind you that timesheets are due by end of day TODAY and we need all of you to submit yours before going to Wanda's goodbye party at The Hop after work.

Please take a few minutes to find your job numbers and fill out your weekly hours as usual. If you don't see your job numbers, call me or Dante at x.646 and we'll get you straightened out.

See you all at The Hop!


88359: Misquoting the Bible

52205: Looking for that goddamned bread twist-tie

17289: Resting your balls on the boss's stapler

81109: Not touching your Edible Arrangement yet for fear of looking like a pig

92044: Making a K-turn with the mail cart

61460: Getting Killswitch Engage confused with Stabbing Westward

91002: Cutting your hair and dyeing it in the bathroom to evade the Feds

20464: Giving/receiving a Purell enema

44339: Checking out your pussy in the elevator door reflection

72218: Finding someone who gets your "Where's the beef?" joke

83525: Explaining the "Grey's Anatomy" finale

UAG

Marvel's Racist Appliances

A Message From Christina... Er, Christine Aguilera, President of SkyMall

Hi folks!

Sorry to bother you in the middle of your flight to Dallas or layover in JFK, but I just wanted to take a few seconds of your time to clarify something: I am not the Grammy winning recording artist who starred in the movie "Burlesque" with Cher and is currently a celebrity judge on NBC's popular show "The Voice." I am the President of SkyMall, and that's all!

I have often been approached on the street and asked for an autograph. Too often I've heard people excitedly say, "Sing a few bars of 'Moves Like Jagger!" or "I really loved your moving cover of Etta James' 'At Last' that you sang at her funeral!" But then I have to explain to them that I am actually the Christine Aguilera that sells The Home Electrolysis Roller (Item 79162A) or PupSTEP Stairs, the tiny plush stairs that help your pets climb onto your favorite chair or sofa (Item 321354A).



Sometimes people don't catch it the first time. They still think I'm the one who topped COVE's list of the 100 Best Pop Vocalists with a score of 50 out of 50 and came fifth in MTV's 22 Greatest Voices in Music. They're still convinced I've released six studio albums with the first one spawning three number one hits in the Billboard Top 100. I have to gently remind them that I'm Christine Aguilera, known for selling Mongolian Shearling Moccasins (Item 79458A for Men's and 79513A for Women's) or The iGrow laser scalp hair rejuvenation system, which promises "thicker, fuller looking hair in weeks- guaranteed (Item APR02A)!"

But that's okay. We're both beautiful, confident women who have succeeded in our respective field of expertise. She's got four Grammy (and one Latin Grammy) Awards, a Golden Globe nomination for Best Song and was named by Rolling Stone as one of the 100 Greatest Singers Of All Time. And I run a free airplane catalog of amazing items like the Nano-UV™ Wand, which safely kills 99.99% of bacteria and viruses in your home in 10 seconds (Item ZDH108A) or The Cast Iron Giraffe Toilet Paper Holder (Item HH8992A), only $29.95 plus shipping!




Sigh.