The EADJ Facebook Defender

Previous EADJ Facebook Defriender entries here.

It's time once again to cut the Facebook chaff from the Facebook wheat. I have more FB friends that I care to stay in touch with anyway. So it was easy to cut S_____ loose from my digital life.

He's actually a nice guy and all, but I haven't seen him since 2007 and he's in London now.

One of the main reasons I'm cutting him loose is because his posts are insufferable. He fancies himself a photographer with his cell phone shots.

And to be fair, he does have some talent, but he just posts this shit ALL THE TIME and he documents the place and time like anyone gives a shit. "Oh, that's what a coffee looks like in Barcelona at 2am? Gee!" 

So, goodbye S_______. I won't miss your constant photography exhibit.

"The Road To Pathmark And The Road To Failure Are Almost Exactly The Same."

"The Weak Can Never Forgive. Forgiveness is the Attribute of the Pathmark." -Gandhi

"New Jersey, Are You Ready To Make a Down Payment?! I Can't Hear You!"

Earlier, we featured a Run DMC-style real estate ad seen in New Jersey.

In the latest issue of Matters Magazine, a full page ad by the same real estate folks. They apparently altered the color of their logo to blue to avoid a lawsuit with DefJam, but there's more to analyze here:


"From Successful Rocker To Successful Realtor?" I really don't get it. Does that mean Mick Jagger can get me a good price on a 2-bedroom condo? Can Angus Young negotiate $5000 off the mortgage because there's no retaining wall near the driveway?


PJ cleans up nicely, but I don't see a lot of overlap between his fans and house hunters in Rockland County, NJ. I could be wrong.


"Hey, PJ. I really enjoyed how you shredded on that song 'End of The World,' man. Would you know if the 3% earnest money I put down for the 4-bedroom Tudor in South Orange will go towards my initial mortgage payment or directly to my closing costs?"

Goddammit, Marcia.

Dammit, Marcia. You messed up everything. EVERYTHING.

We told everyone *for weeks* that a photographer was coming by to shoot everyone for that full-page ad in "Matters" magazine for the realty group. We sent that memo. Then we sent that reminder email the week before. Then the evening of, we mentioned it again in the status meeting, and now this.

How many times did we remind everyone that men will wear a black blazer and tie, and women should wear a black blazer WITH A COLLARED WHITE SHIRT?! Jesus Henry, Marcia. You stick out like a sore thumb. I mean, we told Karen. We told Sindee. We told Wendy. We told Elaine. We told Carol. We told Jane. We told Carolee and Cathy when they went out for a smoke. We told Fran. We told Jen. We let Beverly know. We told Sharon. We told Donna about it. We told Diane. We told Lynn. We told Cynthia. We told Anne. For crying out loud, we told Erdine, too. WE EVEN TOLD YOU. BLACK BLAZER WITH WHITE COLLARED SHIRT! COLLARED! Not a white t-shirt. Not a white sweater. Not a white cardigan. Not a white scoop-necked top. A WHITE FUCKING COLLARED SHIRT, MARCIA! JESUS CHRIST!!!!!

If its individuality you were looking for, we made it very clear in the memo (which you obviously didn't read) that people were free to either wear their collar OUT of the jacket, like Sindee, Wendy, Elaine, Carol, Jane, Carolee, Cathy, Fran, Jen, Donna, Lynn, Cynthia, Anne, and Erdine all opted to do. Or you could wear your collar IN like Karen, Sharon, and Diane did. We were letting people "letting their freak flag fly" and express themselves however they wanted, but nooooo, you had to screw up the entire goddamned newspaper ad by not wearing a collared shirt AT ALL! Pardon my French, Marcia, but it's fucking anarchy. You make the rest of us look like a sad, motley crew of vagrants. Christ Jesus. Daniel is beside himself over all of this.

You know what? I can't even be here in this break room with you, Marcia. I can't even look at you. I have to go.

And status meeting's at 4 now, not 3:30.

Heroes, Episode 3

Yawn.

And Now, Vince's Uncle Roberto with The Weather.

Tonight's weather at Oak Ridge, LA:

89ºF, Mostly Cloudy,
Wind: N at 5 mph
Humidity: 58%

Uncle Roberto's Fun Fact: Most women don't like gin. Those who do are most likely hookers. So, careful.

Starting to get on my nerves.

So my phone says I have six messages, all from Sergio:

Then when I click the link, it's this crap:


It's indiscriminate forwarding like this that's starting to turn Facebook into Myspace. Thanks, Sergio.

Joel's Got Onions

Hey, remember when Joel had that clam stuck to his neck? It happened again, but this time it's not attached to his neck, and it's not a clam. And it's in his kitchen. So it's pretty much exactly like that time.

Joel was dicing onions in his kitchen yesterday afternoon as he was making dick stew, when one of the onions rolled behind the stove. Joel tried using a broom, a wooden spoon, and even a dick to reach the darn thing, to no avail.

And since Joel couldn't move the stove without disconnecting the gas, he was one onion short of real dick onion stew. His brilliant solution? Just eat straight dick like he always does! Yaaaaaay, fun! Jesus, why do you read this blog?

(pictured above, a real CD. More info on Bishop Lamont here)