A Friendly Note From Those Creepy Neighbors That Want To Have A Threesome With You

Hi neighbor! We're back from our fabulous trip to the Maldives. Thanks for collecting our mail for us.

We brought you a souvenir from our exclusive water villa: the resort we stayed at had these free tiny bottles of body lotion on the bedstand. It smells of coconut and aloe, and we both thought of you!

But seriously, the Maldives are absolutely breathtaking. When we weren't making love on the dock or furiously manipulating each others' genitals by the pool, we took in the gorgeous sunrises and sunsets and just relaxed. We truly wish you were with us. Maybe next time!

Feel free to come by the house sometime so we can show you all the incredible photos we took on our phones. We might even show you some of the racy movies we recorded of each other (wink wink)! Maybe you can be our next cameraman (or subject)!

Best,

Walter and Josannah

New Jersey Can't Star Wars.

A post from the Maplewood, New Jersey Department of Community Services on May the fourth:

Just rolls of the tongue, right?

And here's a program for the Newark Performing Arts Center:

Wait, something looks off here...

That artwork is clearly Anakin and Obi Wan fighting on the lava planet Mustafar, which happened in Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, not Star Wars: Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

C'mon New Jersey! Get it right.

The ProofrEADJer: Early March Edition Part II

"BACKY ARD"

"Bussines Center:"

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Netflix This Month

Due to periodic contract negotiations, the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Netflix this week:

• Behind The Scenes of The Making of Season 1 of "Tiger King": The Gaffers Speak

• I Shit You Not: How Hedge Fund Managers Negotiate

• Ice Cube's "Dog Grooming Shop"

• Bryan Cranston Clipping His Nose Hairs For 45 Minutes

• We Throw The Cast of Every Season of "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" into a Live Volcano

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Netflix this week:

• Real Housewives of Chernobyl

• Bedazzled Scroats

• Marie Kondo Says To Hell With It And Starts Hoarding

• ANKLES: An Erotic Documentary

• Pokémons That Can Burn, Whether They're Supposed To or Not

• Professional Cornhole League: Pre-Game, Highlights and Post-Game Wrap-up

25 Days of Hallmark Movies: An Exclusive EADJ Month-Long Event

EADJ is proud to announce 25 DAYS OF HALLMARK MOVIES. The Hallmark Channel has shat out so many sappy Christmas movies in the last few years, that we would be remiss to watch a good portion of this quality programming and give our two cents.

So this is ambitious: On EVERY day leading up to Christmas, we will be watching and reviewing a cheesy Christmas movie, starting with Lifetime's recent "A Very Merry Toy Store" starring Melissa Joan Hart and Mario Lopez:

Two rival toy shop owners reluctantly join forces when an unscrupulous toy magnate opens a box store in their town.

We will judge all movies by 1) cinematic merit and 2) Christmas-y cheer.

Happy Holidays, EADJ readers! Who needs sleep, anyway?

This Week In Hip Hop Awfulness

Two giant confused pimps trash a city while hookers with waistlines the size of a toddler's wrist earn their daddies more twenties.

Dolla Boy demonstrates his namesake with cash pouring out of a refrigerated truck (not an armored truck) accompanied by a terrifying carnation arrangement in the shape of Joan Rivers.

So the rapper's name is Rocko. What is the laziest association we can make with something that's already well-known? Oh, and can we have a big ass hanging over a box of baking soda? That would be great. Sad cartoon turtle.

Remember to use spellcheck, DJ Pexclusivez, DJ Tazmania, and DJ Rell.

Where to begin? Uh, pass.

Nothing is more gangsta than a pensive Nicolas Cage movie about coming to terms with your place in the world.