Spotted On A Star Wars Toy

Yoda says, "Learn about electricity, you will." Although I'm pretty sure you can learn a lot more about electricity from the other guy.

New Funding Projects Now on Kickstarter

Every business needs money to get started. And the good folks at Kickstarter have announced the latest new ventures looking for funding from you. Feel free to chip in to help these business ideas get off the ground:

• Shampoo that smells like someone came in your hair

• Full body lobster bibs

• Electronic gigolo that keeps Alexa company when you're away

• Rat jerky for survivalists

• Tires made from recycled shoes made from recycled tires

• Punch in the ribs delivery service

• Amazing optical illusions that will actually blind you permanently

A Thanksgiving Greeting From Cement Bird

Cement Bird, as some of you might remember, can only communicate through shitty FWD emails.


Please note: forwarded message attached

From: Helen Safre
To: undisclosed recipients: ;
Subject: Jesus Laughing :) This is really good!
Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:46:50 -0700 (PDT)
___________________________________________________________
Obama Urges Homeowners to Refinance
If you owe under $729k you probably qualify for Obama's Refi Program
SeeRefinanceRates.com





Thanks, Cement Bird! You have a good Thanksgiving, too!

Shining A New Light

The National Council of Booklight Manufacturers convened in Los Palmas this week to announce the introduce their long-awaited Dicklight.

Joel, of course, was on hand for the press conference, as well as model/actress/tits Katie "Jordan" Price, Vida Guerra, Keeley Hazell, and Tera Patrick. Joel demonstrated how the Dicklight easily clips on a penis, making dick-eating in the dark easier and less awkward.

The Council opened the floor for questioning, and some snarky reporter from U.S. News Weekly News & World Report asked Joel if he might accidentally eat the light. Everyone had a good laugh, but then one of Tera Patrick's boobs fell out, and the whole room got awkward.

(pictured above, an intolerable ad directed at intolerable women)

***AN EADJ FIRST: CELEBRITY INTERVIEW!!!!***

(Eat a Dick Joel is proud to present an exclusive interview with actress Jessie Ward, who plays Emma Crawford on the MyNetworkTV series "Wicked Wicked Games.")

EADJ: So, Jessie, this is your second soap opera...

Jessie: Daytime drama. We prefer to call them daytime dramas.

EADJ: Okay, this is your second daytime drama. How is this one different?

Jessie: Well, it's more about character in this series. We all play over-the-top roles here, since it's a supernatural-based storyline, but there is more emphasis on building a part. I think it's fun to be big and have permission to take your acting ability and be as big as possible with it. So this is great.

EADJ: I see.

Jessie: And since this isn't based on any written work, it's up to the actors to establish and create their character from the ground up.

EADJ: Wow.

Waiter: Uh, excuse me...

Jessie: Yes?

Waiter: Hi, do you mind if we move you guys over to the next table?

Jessie: What? Why?

Waiter: Well, you are both sitting at a four-seater, and a party of four has just come in.

Jessie: (flustered) Then why did you seat us here?

EADJ: Uh, we're trying to conduct an interview here...

Waiter: We really need the space...

Jessie: You can't just seat us here and then move us over right after we got our entrees! This is ridiculous!

EADJ: So what's it like working with Tatum O'Neal?

Jessie: Why don't you just move those two little tables over to seat the four?

Waiter: But those are in two different zones, and I can't...

Jessie: I want to speak to your manager.

EADJ: (stares at notepad)

Jessie: Let me speak to your manager.

Waiter: Shit. I gotta go. (runs with other waiters onto the bar)

Group of 12 waiters on top of the bar: (singing) We go to-gether, like rama lama lama, ke ding a de dinga a dong...

Jessie: Christ. Why did you choose Ed Debevic's, anyway?