Featured Products at This Year's Half-Assed Consumer Electronics Show

The Consumer Electronics Show (CES) is normally a very exciting showcase of new electronic product launches, but somehow this year no one, including the organizers, are very into it. Here now are some of the exhibitors you can look forward to (or not):

• another Roomba, except this one's more oval shaped? Who cares

• I dunno, a remote control for the washer and dryer that controls them? 

• Some bullshit thing you wear on your wrist that monitors your whatever

• Could you change the image on the big screen so we can watch football or something?

• This new vape pen that doubles as a breathalyzer... fuck, this is lame

• Are you guys leaving? Can I get a ride? You leaving now?

Today We Asked A Man With His Head Squeezed Between A Woman's Thighs To Address The Rumors Of Roblox Shutting Down

"Good question. A rumor earlier this yea... GAH.. year claimed that the immensely popula... *oof* popular online game Roblox... huff...  would be getting shutdown on March 22 2020... ow ow ow ow.. but this hasn't ...ACK...been confirmed by... choke... the creators themselves. *tries to breathe* The 100 million monthly Roblox players... argh... stop... stop... will be happy to hear... ouch, my throat... that the shutting down claims are fake... *coughs* and all reportedly emerged... ouch... no... no... agh... from prank website React2424. ACK! *dies*

Here Are The Shows That Are Being Removed And Added To Hulu This Month

Due to contract changes etc., the following movies and TV shows will be removed from Hulu this week:

• Who Moved That?

• Karaoke Background Video Montage

• Smell This Hacky Sack

• A Bunch of Fat People Pretending To Do Kung Fu

• Tits (Censored)

• Jalapeñis

• ATM Skimmer Pranks

• TSA Treasure Hunt

The following movies and TV shows will be added to Hulu this week:

• Shia LeBeouf Tries Opening A Can of Pringles

• Rod Serling Presents: Walmart Customer Service Stories

• I Tolerate Lucy

• Senior Care Facility Rap Cyphers

• Chuck Todd Finally Shaves That Awful Goatee of His

• Star Wars: Jedi Sexual Coercion Tricks

Cardboard Was Ambivalent.

Cardboard was ambivalent.

Sandwich was more worried.

The high council of elders withheld judgment.

Trash can wasn't hopeful.

Train Platform Pavement made a ruckus.

Fluorescent Swan kept silent.

Pink Sports Bra was outraged.

Weather Map was shiny.

Bathroom Stall Holes didn't know what to say.

Exhaust Tubes also felt shiny.

Trashcan peeked under his bandana and pouted.

Three Chickens clucked.

Light Pole awaited his execution.

The ProofrEADJer: Typo Surplus Edition

A List of Things Kanye West Would Probably Not Like Based On Past Reactions To Things He Doesn't Like

• fluorescent golf balls

• the whole Elf On The Shelf thing

• elements with no stable isotopes in the Periodic Table of Elements

• Nerf

• the famous park bench scene in "Good Will Hunting"

• Rudyard Kipling's poem Gunga Din

• staying at a Marriott

• Weird Al doing a parody of one of his songs

• The Houston Oilers "Derrick Dolls" cheerleaders

• work of any kind

• anonymity

• humility

• keeping his opinions to himself

• the gradient tool in Photoshop

• making a puppet by markering a face on your hand

• any books about farts, farting or flatulence

• Gaston from "Beauty and the Beast"

UAG